Wicked Times, chapter 17
I looked at Billie Joe. My eyes got wide. I started to pray, even though I haven't in over a year. I was scared. I loved Brook so much. Billie had to understand. Adie said when Billie proposed to her she was so shocked, like me. She was engaged to another man, but Adie loved Billie so much that she married him. Can't Billie see that similarity in Brook and me? Why does Billie have to be so protective? I'm starting to feel sorry for Elena.
I know life's not fair, but Billie can't, wouldn't, would he?
My throat went dry. I had to keep reminding myself to breathe so I wouldn't faint.
Billie, with no other emotions than fear and rage coursing through his cold, stable voice said, "I don't approve."
It was more like a shout to me. It was like a knife stuck in my warm, blood, red heart. He kept ripping my heart, so it would keep bleeding pools of bright, red blood. I was cut up inside. The cut this time was so deep. Nothing compared to it.
Warm tears started to roll down my cheeks slowly at first, but then they sped up. I didn't take the time or trouble to wipe the tears away. I looked at Billie wide eyed, like a little four year old girl who just got her favorite toy taken away. Billie looked back at me with that same fear and rage that he had had in his words. I couldn't take any of it. My life was ruined so many times. My heart was sewn up so much. I didn't think another scar on my blood shed heart would hurt. It did. This one hurt more than any other one I have faced yet.
I ran up the stairs to "my" bedroom. I shut the door so hard; you would have thought the door would have come off its hinges. My rage came from my biological father.
I grabbed my CD case. I ripped it open. I ran my fingers through it till I found one of my favorite albums that helped me deal with all my rage. This album was Senses Fail, Let It Enfold You.
I opened my CD player and shoved the familiar CD inside. I pushed the play button. A tiny red button showed up on the CD player showing that the power was on. I could hear the CD turning inside the CD player through my crying. I skipped the CD to track seven, "Slow Dance".
It seemed so right to play at this time. The lyrics pulled me through my pain, yet let me still cry as much as I needed.
The lyrics flowed into my heart, trying to patch my torn heart up. I listened only to the lyrics and the voices.
If you pull too hard
Then the string will break
And if you leave the slack
Then the string won't hold
So how can we find ourselves
Trapped in our own private hells
Where we just scream, but no one can hear
'X' marks the spot where the dig begins
The treasure is found within
The broken hearts that are soaked with fear
Fill the glass to the brim
And it will spill out
And keep on sharpening the knife,
And it will, it will be so blunt.
So how can we find ourselves
Trapped in our own private hells
Where we just scream but no one can hear
'X' marks the spot where the dig begins
The treasure is found within
The broken hearts that are soaked with fear
To be at one with all your life
(The voices started slightly screaming unto one another. To make for me, right now, the most beautiful sound of pain, fear, and uncertainly.)
So how can we find ourselves (So be)
Trapped in our own private hells (at one)
Where we just scream but no one can hear (with all your life)
'X' marks the spot where the dig begins (And do)
The treasure is found within (without)
The broken hearts that are soaked with fear (doing a thing)
Don't try too hard to understand
Or you'll miss the, miss the point at hand.
The only other song that would have topped that one at the time was Platypus (I Hate You), but I didn't feel like hearing Billie scream at me anytime soon. I didn't want to hear his voice at all, no matter the tone.
I heard a noisy knock on the door. I didn't say a word. I just turned the volume up till I couldn't stand it.
Senses Fail was screaming, "I gave you these roses now, but I left in the thorns. I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself. I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel. I'll lose you somewhere on the shelf."
I stared at the door with a look of anger on my face as the door open. I felt like throwing a pillow, no wait a pillow wouldn't hurt. I felt like throwing a lamp at Billie, but the problem was that I didn't know if the person opening the door was Billie or not.
I know life's not fair, but Billie can't, wouldn't, would he?
My throat went dry. I had to keep reminding myself to breathe so I wouldn't faint.
Billie, with no other emotions than fear and rage coursing through his cold, stable voice said, "I don't approve."
It was more like a shout to me. It was like a knife stuck in my warm, blood, red heart. He kept ripping my heart, so it would keep bleeding pools of bright, red blood. I was cut up inside. The cut this time was so deep. Nothing compared to it.
Warm tears started to roll down my cheeks slowly at first, but then they sped up. I didn't take the time or trouble to wipe the tears away. I looked at Billie wide eyed, like a little four year old girl who just got her favorite toy taken away. Billie looked back at me with that same fear and rage that he had had in his words. I couldn't take any of it. My life was ruined so many times. My heart was sewn up so much. I didn't think another scar on my blood shed heart would hurt. It did. This one hurt more than any other one I have faced yet.
I ran up the stairs to "my" bedroom. I shut the door so hard; you would have thought the door would have come off its hinges. My rage came from my biological father.
I grabbed my CD case. I ripped it open. I ran my fingers through it till I found one of my favorite albums that helped me deal with all my rage. This album was Senses Fail, Let It Enfold You.
I opened my CD player and shoved the familiar CD inside. I pushed the play button. A tiny red button showed up on the CD player showing that the power was on. I could hear the CD turning inside the CD player through my crying. I skipped the CD to track seven, "Slow Dance".
It seemed so right to play at this time. The lyrics pulled me through my pain, yet let me still cry as much as I needed.
The lyrics flowed into my heart, trying to patch my torn heart up. I listened only to the lyrics and the voices.
If you pull too hard
Then the string will break
And if you leave the slack
Then the string won't hold
So how can we find ourselves
Trapped in our own private hells
Where we just scream, but no one can hear
'X' marks the spot where the dig begins
The treasure is found within
The broken hearts that are soaked with fear
Fill the glass to the brim
And it will spill out
And keep on sharpening the knife,
And it will, it will be so blunt.
So how can we find ourselves
Trapped in our own private hells
Where we just scream but no one can hear
'X' marks the spot where the dig begins
The treasure is found within
The broken hearts that are soaked with fear
To be at one with all your life
(The voices started slightly screaming unto one another. To make for me, right now, the most beautiful sound of pain, fear, and uncertainly.)
So how can we find ourselves (So be)
Trapped in our own private hells (at one)
Where we just scream but no one can hear (with all your life)
'X' marks the spot where the dig begins (And do)
The treasure is found within (without)
The broken hearts that are soaked with fear (doing a thing)
Don't try too hard to understand
Or you'll miss the, miss the point at hand.
The only other song that would have topped that one at the time was Platypus (I Hate You), but I didn't feel like hearing Billie scream at me anytime soon. I didn't want to hear his voice at all, no matter the tone.
I heard a noisy knock on the door. I didn't say a word. I just turned the volume up till I couldn't stand it.
Senses Fail was screaming, "I gave you these roses now, but I left in the thorns. I'd rather hurt someone than hurt myself. I'll dispose of you like a lighter out of fuel. I'll lose you somewhere on the shelf."
I stared at the door with a look of anger on my face as the door open. I felt like throwing a pillow, no wait a pillow wouldn't hurt. I felt like throwing a lamp at Billie, but the problem was that I didn't know if the person opening the door was Billie or not.
