One Simple Move, chapter 4
I know that we're worlds apart
But I just don't seem to care
These feelings in my heart
Only with you I want to share.
* * *
My eyes snapped wide open and I sat straight up in the bed, Panting and sweating. There he was again, sitting at the end of the bed while smirking at me with that same glint in his eyes. Squeezing my eyes shut, I clasped my hand over them before looking out again. He was gone.
I've been having nightmares and hallucinations about him since it happened, that was over five years ago.
Still shaking, I hopped out of my new bed and slipped on a pair of socks. Careful not to make a noise, I headed down stairs and out to the back garden.
Sitting on the bench with my knees under my chin, I sighed. Why won't these nightmares go away?
It was bad enough that I had to go through it in the first place but the nightmares were sending me over the top.
Lifting up my sleeve, Tears slipped down my face and landed on the old rugged scars that lay on my wrist.
I had cut myself after what happened; it seemed like the only thing to do at the time. No one believed me. I was only fourteen!
How could someone do that to a little girl? A helpless little girl who knew nothing.
How could be do that to me?
By now my face and T-shirt was covered in my wet salty tears. This has got to stop.
I thought coming to California would stop the nightmares and build me a new life, Maybe good things just can't happen to me.
After a while of sitting there in the dark I decided to head inside.
Standing up on shaking legs I looked up to see Billie Joe's light on. It's like that boy never bloody sleeps.
As I stood outside his bedroom door, I debated with myself on whether to go in and talk to him or just go back to bed.
After two knocks his voice rang out and I peered around the door. He was perched at the edge of his bed, a book lying crooked on his lap.
"Hey Lauren, You ok?" He asked rubbing his eyes before placing the book on the old desk.
"I had another nightmare; I was wondering if I could talk to you for a while, I uh... Can't sleep."
A sympathetic smile spread across his tired looking face and he patted the space on the bed next to him, motioning for me to sit down. I had briefly talked to Billie about my nightmares before but I didn't tell him what they were really about.
"Was it another bad one?" He asked. I nodded to answer his question, tears springing to my eyes again.
I shivered wrapping my arms tight around me. "Oh you cold kid?" Billie Joe leant over me before grabbing a jumper and placing it around my shoulders.
We sat in silence for a minute before I turned to face him again.
Tears were streaming down my face as I shakily tried to tell him the truth about my dreams, the first time I've ever told anyone the truth about them.
"Billie... Can I tell you something? I've never told anybody this 'fore."
When he nodded and laced his hand over mine in a caring way. I continued.
"It was the night of my 14th birthday" I started, looking down at our hands.
"I remember I had got a load of Green Day stuff from my aunt, my favourite was a notebook that I still have somewhere. Anyway, I had a fight with Karen that day and I spent my birthday alone in my room. Some of her friends and her brothers came over that night and stayed downstairs drinking but when her youngest brother Chris, He was 'bout 27 at the time, Came upstairs to say 'bye to me he started getting weird... "
I stopped for a minute and looked up at Billie. His eyes were wide open; He knew what was coming next.
Lifting up his free hand he gently wiped away the tear falling from my eyes. Leaving his hand on my cheek, he looked deep into my eyes.
"You don't have to continue" He whispered, His voice sounding hoarse and upset.
I shook my head, "No... I do".
Both of us said nothing for a minute but I knew I had to say it.
I had to tell someone and get it off my chest. And Billie seemed like the perfect person to tell.
"Billie I tried to get him off me. I pushed with all my strength but I wasn't strong enough y'know? I was fourteen and he was twenty- fuckin' -seven... I was no match for him. And I didn't want it Billie, I didn't. But he kept saying that I wanted it just as much as he did, but oh god I didn't. I was so scared... "
I broke down sobbing into Billie's arms. He held me tight, gently rocking me back and forth while whispering in my ear.
"He raped me Billie... He raped me."
His arms tightened around me after that last sentence and for once in my life I felt safe. He pulled me onto his lap while still holding me close. Wrapping my legs and arms around him I placed my head on his shoulder before sobbing my heart out.
"Lauren babe it's ok now... It's 'k. He's not here and he's never going to hurt you again, No one is 'cause you know why? 'Cause you're here with me now and I'm never going to let anyone hurt you."
Sniffling I looked up at him.
"But they are Billie" I sobbed "They are 'cause obviously I'm not meant to be happy, No one cares 'bout me so they want to hurt me"
He shook his head before rubbing my back with his free hand. I let out a shaky breath as the tears kept coming down my cheeks.
"Honey, Don't say that 'cause it's not true. I care 'bout you. My mom cares about you and I'm sure a lot of other people do too. You are meant to be happy 'cause your one of the nicest and most beautiful people I've ever met... One day your going to find someone who cares 'bout you more than anyone, And he will look after you and mind you or else he'll have to deal with me 'k?"
I giggled at his comment and he smiled at me. Wiping my tears away once again we both looked at each other. He placed a light kiss on my nose and I leant against his shoulder again. I sighed, before breathing in Billie's smell.
If I wasn't so upset right now I think I would of passed out. Here I was sitting on the lap of the man I love the most and he just called me beautiful.
"Billie?" I whispered against his neck, closing my eyes as a wave of exhaustion washed over me.
"Yeah darlin'?" He whispered back as he swayed a little but still keeping his grip on me.
"You're the best... " I felt him laugh and the feeling of his vibrations against me made me close my eyes and cuddle in closer to him.
This was one way to get to sleep. I had a feeling that this night would bring me and him closer together forever.
My eyes were shut as I felt Billie start to sing a little song to me. The rocking movements, his warmth and the song were sending me off to sleep.
My eyes opened a little as I felt Billie Joe move beneath me. I looked up to see that we were walking out of his room and into mine; me still tucked firmly in his arms.
Placing me down on my bed, he pulled my socks off and pulled the cover up around me. He pushed the hair out of my face before placing a kiss on my forehead.
"G'night babe" He whispered before walking off and leaving me to sleep.
The closer I get to you
The more you make me see
By giving me all you've got
Your love has captured me
Over and over again
I try to tell myself that we
Could never be more than friends
And all the while inside
I knew it was real
The way you make me feel
Lying here next to you
Time just seems to fly
Needing you more and more
Let's give love a try
Sweeter than sweeter love grows
And heaven's there for those
Who fool the tricks of time
With hearts in love will find
True love
In a special way
The closer I get to you
The more you make me see
By giving me what you've got
Your love has captured me
Over and over again
I try to tell myself that we
Could never be more than friends
And all the while inside
I knew this was real
The way you make me feel
My baby, my baby, my baby, my love
Come a little closer so we can see into the eyes of love
Just a little a closer let me speak to you
I wanna tell you something
Here I am, I just want you to come closer
Come a little closer let me whisper in your ear
'Cause I wanna tell you something
Move a little a little closer we can say for real
The way we feel about each other's lovin'...
But I just don't seem to care
These feelings in my heart
Only with you I want to share.
* * *
My eyes snapped wide open and I sat straight up in the bed, Panting and sweating. There he was again, sitting at the end of the bed while smirking at me with that same glint in his eyes. Squeezing my eyes shut, I clasped my hand over them before looking out again. He was gone.
I've been having nightmares and hallucinations about him since it happened, that was over five years ago.
Still shaking, I hopped out of my new bed and slipped on a pair of socks. Careful not to make a noise, I headed down stairs and out to the back garden.
Sitting on the bench with my knees under my chin, I sighed. Why won't these nightmares go away?
It was bad enough that I had to go through it in the first place but the nightmares were sending me over the top.
Lifting up my sleeve, Tears slipped down my face and landed on the old rugged scars that lay on my wrist.
I had cut myself after what happened; it seemed like the only thing to do at the time. No one believed me. I was only fourteen!
How could someone do that to a little girl? A helpless little girl who knew nothing.
How could be do that to me?
By now my face and T-shirt was covered in my wet salty tears. This has got to stop.
I thought coming to California would stop the nightmares and build me a new life, Maybe good things just can't happen to me.
After a while of sitting there in the dark I decided to head inside.
Standing up on shaking legs I looked up to see Billie Joe's light on. It's like that boy never bloody sleeps.
As I stood outside his bedroom door, I debated with myself on whether to go in and talk to him or just go back to bed.
After two knocks his voice rang out and I peered around the door. He was perched at the edge of his bed, a book lying crooked on his lap.
"Hey Lauren, You ok?" He asked rubbing his eyes before placing the book on the old desk.
"I had another nightmare; I was wondering if I could talk to you for a while, I uh... Can't sleep."
A sympathetic smile spread across his tired looking face and he patted the space on the bed next to him, motioning for me to sit down. I had briefly talked to Billie about my nightmares before but I didn't tell him what they were really about.
"Was it another bad one?" He asked. I nodded to answer his question, tears springing to my eyes again.
I shivered wrapping my arms tight around me. "Oh you cold kid?" Billie Joe leant over me before grabbing a jumper and placing it around my shoulders.
We sat in silence for a minute before I turned to face him again.
Tears were streaming down my face as I shakily tried to tell him the truth about my dreams, the first time I've ever told anyone the truth about them.
"Billie... Can I tell you something? I've never told anybody this 'fore."
When he nodded and laced his hand over mine in a caring way. I continued.
"It was the night of my 14th birthday" I started, looking down at our hands.
"I remember I had got a load of Green Day stuff from my aunt, my favourite was a notebook that I still have somewhere. Anyway, I had a fight with Karen that day and I spent my birthday alone in my room. Some of her friends and her brothers came over that night and stayed downstairs drinking but when her youngest brother Chris, He was 'bout 27 at the time, Came upstairs to say 'bye to me he started getting weird... "
I stopped for a minute and looked up at Billie. His eyes were wide open; He knew what was coming next.
Lifting up his free hand he gently wiped away the tear falling from my eyes. Leaving his hand on my cheek, he looked deep into my eyes.
"You don't have to continue" He whispered, His voice sounding hoarse and upset.
I shook my head, "No... I do".
Both of us said nothing for a minute but I knew I had to say it.
I had to tell someone and get it off my chest. And Billie seemed like the perfect person to tell.
"Billie I tried to get him off me. I pushed with all my strength but I wasn't strong enough y'know? I was fourteen and he was twenty- fuckin' -seven... I was no match for him. And I didn't want it Billie, I didn't. But he kept saying that I wanted it just as much as he did, but oh god I didn't. I was so scared... "
I broke down sobbing into Billie's arms. He held me tight, gently rocking me back and forth while whispering in my ear.
"He raped me Billie... He raped me."
His arms tightened around me after that last sentence and for once in my life I felt safe. He pulled me onto his lap while still holding me close. Wrapping my legs and arms around him I placed my head on his shoulder before sobbing my heart out.
"Lauren babe it's ok now... It's 'k. He's not here and he's never going to hurt you again, No one is 'cause you know why? 'Cause you're here with me now and I'm never going to let anyone hurt you."
Sniffling I looked up at him.
"But they are Billie" I sobbed "They are 'cause obviously I'm not meant to be happy, No one cares 'bout me so they want to hurt me"
He shook his head before rubbing my back with his free hand. I let out a shaky breath as the tears kept coming down my cheeks.
"Honey, Don't say that 'cause it's not true. I care 'bout you. My mom cares about you and I'm sure a lot of other people do too. You are meant to be happy 'cause your one of the nicest and most beautiful people I've ever met... One day your going to find someone who cares 'bout you more than anyone, And he will look after you and mind you or else he'll have to deal with me 'k?"
I giggled at his comment and he smiled at me. Wiping my tears away once again we both looked at each other. He placed a light kiss on my nose and I leant against his shoulder again. I sighed, before breathing in Billie's smell.
If I wasn't so upset right now I think I would of passed out. Here I was sitting on the lap of the man I love the most and he just called me beautiful.
"Billie?" I whispered against his neck, closing my eyes as a wave of exhaustion washed over me.
"Yeah darlin'?" He whispered back as he swayed a little but still keeping his grip on me.
"You're the best... " I felt him laugh and the feeling of his vibrations against me made me close my eyes and cuddle in closer to him.
This was one way to get to sleep. I had a feeling that this night would bring me and him closer together forever.
My eyes were shut as I felt Billie start to sing a little song to me. The rocking movements, his warmth and the song were sending me off to sleep.
My eyes opened a little as I felt Billie Joe move beneath me. I looked up to see that we were walking out of his room and into mine; me still tucked firmly in his arms.
Placing me down on my bed, he pulled my socks off and pulled the cover up around me. He pushed the hair out of my face before placing a kiss on my forehead.
"G'night babe" He whispered before walking off and leaving me to sleep.
The closer I get to you
The more you make me see
By giving me all you've got
Your love has captured me
Over and over again
I try to tell myself that we
Could never be more than friends
And all the while inside
I knew it was real
The way you make me feel
Lying here next to you
Time just seems to fly
Needing you more and more
Let's give love a try
Sweeter than sweeter love grows
And heaven's there for those
Who fool the tricks of time
With hearts in love will find
True love
In a special way
The closer I get to you
The more you make me see
By giving me what you've got
Your love has captured me
Over and over again
I try to tell myself that we
Could never be more than friends
And all the while inside
I knew this was real
The way you make me feel
My baby, my baby, my baby, my love
Come a little closer so we can see into the eyes of love
Just a little a closer let me speak to you
I wanna tell you something
Here I am, I just want you to come closer
Come a little closer let me whisper in your ear
'Cause I wanna tell you something
Move a little a little closer we can say for real
The way we feel about each other's lovin'...
