"I would never think twice about him...would I?", chapter 8

I can't watch, I screw my eyes up, the deadly sound vibrating my ears. I hear the nurse warn people to stand back. Then a thud. I ping open one of my eyes and look over to Ollie, who is sat on a chair, tears dripping onto the floor. Then I look at Billie.

His body lays motionless on the hospital bed.
"Nooooooooo!" I wail, rushing over to him and clinging onto one of his hands, shaking it as if he would come alive at the touch of my hand.
"I'm so sorry," the nurse says, pinging off her rubber gloves and chucking them in the waste bin. All the doctors and nurses file out one by one until it's just Billie, Ollie and I.

I kneel down on the floor, and gently move Billie's hair from his face to reveal his green eyes. His eyes aren't the sparkly green they normally are, they're a pale grey like green.
"Ollie I really am sorry," I say, looking up at her as she stands behind me.
"It's ok, It's just unfortunate Billie was the one crossing the road when a car came flying from no where," she says, wiping tears from her face with her sleeve.
"No, you don't understand I-" I start, trying to tell her I was the one that pushed him. I pushed him. It's suddenly sunk in, oh my god I killed Billie Joe.
"Look Mae, none of this is your fault, we need to be strong" she assures me, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I just sigh and turn my gaze back to Billie. I reach out and slowly move his eyelids down so he looks as if he's sleeping. Not dead. I touch his hand again and surprisingly it has grown cold. I squeeze it, willing for him to warm up.

We stand in silence for a while, just looking down at Billie, thinking of him.
"You want to know something Mae?" Ollie suddenly asks.
"Yes," I reply, not taking my eyes off of Billie.
"Billie was happy, he was happy because of you. I remember the day he met you, he came home with a smile planted on his face and ever since then he had been in a happy mood," she said softly.
"Billie would never be happy because of me. I caused him so much trouble," I reply.
"Oh yes, he told me you were a hard one to get but I just knew, he would get there in the end. I think he was more than happy about you. He loved you Mae," she says the last bit so seriously, yet softly it makes me go light headed.
"He loved me?" I asked again, not quite believing it.
"Yes and it's a shame he didn't have time to tell you himself. In fact, he said he was on his way to tell you today, but I guess fate just got in the way. Here, he wrote this letter to you," she said, reaching in her pocket and pulling the paper out. I take it from her and begin to read.


Dear Mae,
I wish I can tell you this in person, but even though you're never going to get this letter I still want to tell you how much I love you. I know I've been an ass and have treated you like shit, but that's only because I've never met a girl like you before and I just don't know how to show my feelings without seeming desperate.
I'm sorry for not telling you about my girlfriend, I'm sorry for being an ass when I went to kiss you, I'm sorry for everything and I'm sorry I haven't even told you I love you and you still wont know because I'm writing it in a letter that you're never going to get.

Seriously Mae, I love everything about you. I love the way you laugh, I love your cheekiness, I loved the first time you said my name, I loved the first time I laid eyes on you and most importantly I love YOU Mae.

I just wish I could tell you that I love you and maybe one day I'll find the courage. Before it's too late.

Love you
Billie
Xxx


I cling onto the letter, holding it tightly to my chest. Fresh tears escape from my eyes.

"I found the letter under his pillow when I cleaned out his room the other day," Ollie statef. "I'm sorry you couldn't find out from him" she adds.

I sit down on the edge of Billie's bed and hold his hand, the letter crumpled up in the middle. I lean down and place my head on his chest, stroking it lightly.

"I love you too Billie."

The end.
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