You're not the Jesus of Suburbia, chapter 1

"Mike, you idiot, come back here!" Billie Joe shouted.

It was no use. Mike Dirnt thought he was the Jesus of Suburbia. Earlier, an evil fucking doctor (as Billie Joe had called him) had given Mike a gas that was marked Jesus of Suburbia gas.

"Tre, come on!" Billie yelled, "We gotta get Mike!"

"Ah, I wanted a double chocolate mocha frappucciono with extra double fudge and whipped cream."

"I don't car---hey, that sounds pretty good. Wait! You got me off subject! Let's go get Mike!"

Unwillingly, Tre hopped out of bed. But for making him Saint Jimmy, he flipped of the doctor.

"Right here buddy," said Tre.

"Damn kids," murmured the doctor.

"Damn whore," yelled Tre.

Mike was in Berkeley, where a lot of gangs hang out. He thought he was the leader of all the gangs because he "was" the Jesus of Suburbia. Tre and Billie finally caught up with him.

"You made me walk 14 #@$$%@%$@#!$@$@^^&$^*$$$%&^$^%$^^&*$*&*(%^)&&$&^!!!#%!$%!# miles just so we could get Mike?"

"Obviously you don't care about Mike, Tre."

The two ran up to Mike and grabbed him.

"What the fuck are you dumbasses doing? You want some fucking ritalin?"

"Dammit Mike." Billie and Tre said in unison.

Mike ran.

"Come on you fatass!" Tre yelled at Billie.

"You're the fat one Tre." Billie corrected as he ran off.

Mike hid for a day. Billie finally caught up to him.

"Mike, you are not the Jesus of Suburbia."

"Screw you, I found a kitten. The KITTEN is the Jesus of Suburbia."

"Cats aren't Jesus."

"This one is."

"He's the Jesus of Fucking Berkeley."

"He's Jesus of Suburbia to ME."

"Dammit."

Suddenly, Tre came running up.

"Dudes!"

"What St. Jimmy?" asked Mike.

"Don't pay attention to him." Billie said to Tre.

What Tre said and did shocked the living shit out of Billie Joe.

"I know how to cure Mike."

"How?"

Tre picked up a 2x4 and whacked Mike's noggin.

"Tre!"

"Yes Mike?"

"I'm going to kill you!"

"Try, fatass."

"Shit Fucker."

"Queer fag."

"Doggy shit sucker."

"Dumbfuck."

"Gay shit."

"Guys, break it up."

Just then Tre realized something.

"Hey Billie."

"Yes?"

"You've been nice this whole time."

"So?"

"You haven't cussed that much either."

"What are you getting to?"

"You are not Billie Joe!"

"Damn you Tre."

"Fuck you Aly! Aly and Aj suck!"

"We do not!"

"You corrupt the world!"

"We make people feel better about themselves."

"Gays. No one else."

"Gay people like us."

"That's cause you're lesbian."

"Lesbian people like us."

"That just proves that you are lesbian."

There was a pause between Aly and Tre.

"Go fuck yourself Aly!"

"Why?"

"Because you know where Billie Joe is."

"Will you stop insulting me if I tell you?"

"Yes."

"Okay then."

"Dumbass." Tre muttered.

"What?"

"Oh nothing."

It turns out that the REAL Billie Joe had been locked up in a cabinet the whole time. Once Tre found out about this he poked Aly's eyes out with his drumsticks, smashed a bass drum on her head, and cut her in half with cymbals. The coolest part is. . .she was still living! She wanted to commit suicide, but she couldn't! Aly would live with that pain throughout the rest of her life (which was about 20 seconds, but it's still cool).

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