I'll Be Missing You, chapter 1
"Where are we?" Kat asked.
I could barely make out her face in the darkness, so I reached over and grasped her hand in mine. "It's a surprise," I said. I led her across the floor, which squished under our feet.
"It smells sweet," she giggled.
Suddenly, the lights all burst on at once, making me stumble. Kat and I were ankle deep in white frosting, holding hands. I was in a tux, Kat in a perfect white wedding dress, complete with veil. We were on top of a wedding cake, our wedding cake, as our own figurines.
"Do you take Billie Joe to be your lawfully wedded husband?" a voice boomed somewhere in the darkened background.
"What? No!" Kat cried and jumped away.
My tux disappeared, replaced by my regular t-shirt and jeans. "You don't?" I asked, confused.
In her beautiful white dress, she knocked on my head with her knuckles. "Earth to Billie. Billie Joe, I don't love you!" Kat laughed.
The tapping in my head faded, but it was still consistent. I sat up, breathing hard. It had been a dream, just a dream. I shook my head and focused on the tapping. The window. I jumped up out of bed and ran to the window, throwing it open. "Hey, Kat," I said. Kat came through the window in her blue silk pajamas. She stumbled, and I caught her before she fell.
"Did I wake you?" Kat asked apologetically.
I just stared at her for a moment. Even though her hair was mussed, and she had eyeliner smudged under her eyes, Kat was beautiful. "Um... no," I stammered. I sat her on my bed and stepped forward to shut the window.
"Can I stay?"
"Yeah, of course," I said, rubbing my eyes.
"Thanks, Billie Joe." Kat smiled sweetly.
I fell into her navy eyes, a blue so dark it seemed black at times. Especially when she was sad, like now. "Sam and I are fighting again. I can't stand Mom's boyfriend," she sighed, flopping back onto my pillows.
I hoped that my own mom was asleep. She would kill me if she found Kat in my bed again. Last time she though she'd heard a noise, came into my room, and found Kat and I in my bed together. We were asleep, but in our sleep we had gotten pretty close to each other with my arms wrapped around her.
Truthfully, Kat and I were just friends, best friends, though I secretly wanted more. But to my mom it had looked like sex. In the morning, after Kat had left back through my window, Mom had come in and yelled at me for sleeping with a girl at seventeen in our very own house.
I didn't try to explain it to her.
Now, I lay next to her on the bed. She reached over and grasped my hand. I gave it a squeeze, and she turned on her side so that her back was to me. I wrapped my arm around her waist, feeling the silk slide over my bare chest.
"Night, Beej," Kat whispered.
"Night, Kat."
Once again, a tapping filled the room, waking me up. This time it was the door. "Billie Joe, open the door, please," Mom called out.
"Shit. Kat, wake up," I whispered to Kat.
She groaned and rolled over.
"Kat," I whispered frantically.
"Billie! Open the door!"
Thank God I had locked my door.
"Hold on," I called.
Kat wasn't moving. I helped her up and half-carried her to my closet. "Stay her, don't make a sound." She nodded sleepily and I shut my closet door behind me.
"Took you a while," Mom said when I opened the door in my boxers.
"I...sleep naked."
"Oh," she said, disbelieving. She peered around me and then stepped into the room. I watched as she scanned the room, looking for something -anything- to give me away. Her eyes stopped when they reached my bed. At the end of my bed were Kat's blue silk pajama shorts. She had gotten hot in the night and thrown them off, just sleeping in her top and underwear. Mom picked them up and dangled them in front of me. "Billie Joe," she sighed. I kept my mouth shut and looked down. If I told her that Kat came in at night a lot, she would be sure to prevent it. I waited for the shouting, but it never came. She just dropped the shorts between us and walked out of my room, shutting the door hard.
I let out my breath and locked the door. Kat stumbled out of the closet. "I'm sorry, Billie," she said.
I rested her hand on my back. "It's fine, Kat."
She picked up the silk shorts and slipped them on. "I guess I should go then," she said. She wrapped her arms around my neck. "Maybe I'll come back tonight too?"
"I'll be waiting, Kat," I said quietly, squeezing her back. I watched as my best friend climbed out my window and skipped next door. "I'm always waiting, Kat."
* * *
I knocked on Mike's bedroom door. He had lived with us since ninth grade. We had taken him in when his druggie mother tossed him out at fourteen. None of us minded, since Mike had been one of my best friends since we were ten.
A half-asleep Mike opened the door. "Morning," he yawned.
"Mom caught us again."
"Did she yell at you?" Mike shut the door behind me.
"No. She just sort of sighed and left."
"So what are you gonna do?"
I shrugged. "Nothing. Kat's just my friend. But I don't want her to stop coming."
"Billie Joe, can you come out here?" Mom called.
Mike and I exchanged glances, and I left the room.
Mom was standing in the kitchen, dressed for work. "Billie," she began.
"Mom, I didn't sleep with Kat. She's having trouble at home, and she would rather stay with me. Besides, Kat's my best friend," I explained.
"I just think you're too young. I don't want Kat... sleeping with you anymore." When I didn't answer, she said softer, "You need to be responsible for both of you, Billie Joe. Kat's just a girl."
"She's not just a girl! She's beautiful. Mom, I love her too much to ever hurt her!" I cried angrily.
For a moment, Mom just smiled softly at me. "Just be careful, Billie."
I sighed and shook my head as she left out the back door.
That night, I waited up for Kat. At around two in the morning, I finally decided to leave the window cracked in hope that she might still come.
I was asleep when a click woke me up. Kat slid in next to me. I turned around to face her, and I noticed her cheeks glistened with tears in the darkness. "Kat, what's wrong?" I asked. She broke down in front of me and began to sob. I watched her shake. "Please, Kat, talk to me," I pleaded, gathering her in my arms. My mind clouded with worry. She mumbled something in a soft voice. "Kat, I can't understand you." I stood up and flipped on the light switch by the door.
"No, Billie. Please, turn out the lights," Kat begged. She hid her face in the pillows, pulling the covers up to her chin. I left the light on.
Sitting on the bed, I began to rub her back. I was scared at what might be wrong with her. "Kat," I said, trying to help her sit up and face me.
"Billie, please, don't." But it was too late. I lifted her face, and her scared blue eyes met my worried green ones.
"God, Kat." I let out a slow breath. There was a large red welt covering the right side of her face, her right eye was black, and there was a shallow cut on the left side of her face. Blood trickled down from her mouth. "What the hell happened to you?" I asked softly.
Kat didn't answer; she just glared at me as if daring me to say more. I stood and helped her up. In my bathroom I sat her on the counter. Wetting a washcloth, I gently cleaned her face up. She was still in her regular clothes, not her pajamas. "Do you want ice?" I asked.
"No, BJ," Kat mumbled quietly.
I picked her up and went back to my bed. Sitting on my bed with Kat in my lap, I stroked her hair as she rested her head on my chest. "Do you want to talk?"
"No."
I grabbed a t-shirt from my drawer and handed it to her. Kat stripped to her bra and underwear, then slipped the shirt over her head. I noticed dark bruises forming around her arms, back, ribs, and stomach. She climbed into the bed, pulled the covers up, and shut her eyes. I lay next to her and hesitantly wrapped my arms around her. Kat flinched, then scooted as close as possible.
"I was so scared, Billie. I'm sorry," she whispered. A stifled sob escaped her lips, and I gave her a gentle squeeze.
"It's okay, Kat. It's okay."
"Billie. Billie Joe," someone said softly.
I opened my eyes to see Kat leaning over me. "Hey," I said, sitting up.
She was still in my shirt, and it fell to mid-thigh. I stared for a moment, then looked up to meet her eyes.
"Good morning," she grinned. My heart broke to see her broken face smiling.
Kat climbed back into the bed and snuggled up real close. I draped an arm around her waist.
"He hit me."
"Who did?" I asked, alarmed.
"Her boyfriend Sam. Mom's boyfriend hit me. He was drunk last night. Mom was still at work. He pushed me up against the wall."
I tightened my hold on her. I didn't want to hear this.
"He touched me. He hurt me."
"Kat," I cried. "He... he touched you? Did you tell him to stop?"
"I was so scared, Billie. I was begging him to stop, and he wouldn't. I was crying, and he wouldn't stop," Kat sobbed. She clung to my chest, and I held her.
I should have been there, I thought. I should have stopped him. I should have been there for Kat.
"Please, don't say anything," Kat begged.
"Kat, I... "
"Please, Beej. Please don't tell anyone about this, okay?" she whimpered.
I rubbed her arms absently, thinking it over. "Ok."
The house was empty after Mom and Mike left for work. Kat sat on the couch and hugged her legs up to her chest. "Billie," she said.
I sat down next to her. "Thank you," Kat whispered. "You're welcome," I answered. She lay her head in my lap. "Kat?"
"Yeah."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Kat said, a little too quickly.
"Are you sure?"
"No," came the choked, strangled reply. Kat brought her hands up to her face. A few tears slipped through her fingers.
"That's all I needed to know."
I could barely make out her face in the darkness, so I reached over and grasped her hand in mine. "It's a surprise," I said. I led her across the floor, which squished under our feet.
"It smells sweet," she giggled.
Suddenly, the lights all burst on at once, making me stumble. Kat and I were ankle deep in white frosting, holding hands. I was in a tux, Kat in a perfect white wedding dress, complete with veil. We were on top of a wedding cake, our wedding cake, as our own figurines.
"Do you take Billie Joe to be your lawfully wedded husband?" a voice boomed somewhere in the darkened background.
"What? No!" Kat cried and jumped away.
My tux disappeared, replaced by my regular t-shirt and jeans. "You don't?" I asked, confused.
In her beautiful white dress, she knocked on my head with her knuckles. "Earth to Billie. Billie Joe, I don't love you!" Kat laughed.
The tapping in my head faded, but it was still consistent. I sat up, breathing hard. It had been a dream, just a dream. I shook my head and focused on the tapping. The window. I jumped up out of bed and ran to the window, throwing it open. "Hey, Kat," I said. Kat came through the window in her blue silk pajamas. She stumbled, and I caught her before she fell.
"Did I wake you?" Kat asked apologetically.
I just stared at her for a moment. Even though her hair was mussed, and she had eyeliner smudged under her eyes, Kat was beautiful. "Um... no," I stammered. I sat her on my bed and stepped forward to shut the window.
"Can I stay?"
"Yeah, of course," I said, rubbing my eyes.
"Thanks, Billie Joe." Kat smiled sweetly.
I fell into her navy eyes, a blue so dark it seemed black at times. Especially when she was sad, like now. "Sam and I are fighting again. I can't stand Mom's boyfriend," she sighed, flopping back onto my pillows.
I hoped that my own mom was asleep. She would kill me if she found Kat in my bed again. Last time she though she'd heard a noise, came into my room, and found Kat and I in my bed together. We were asleep, but in our sleep we had gotten pretty close to each other with my arms wrapped around her.
Truthfully, Kat and I were just friends, best friends, though I secretly wanted more. But to my mom it had looked like sex. In the morning, after Kat had left back through my window, Mom had come in and yelled at me for sleeping with a girl at seventeen in our very own house.
I didn't try to explain it to her.
Now, I lay next to her on the bed. She reached over and grasped my hand. I gave it a squeeze, and she turned on her side so that her back was to me. I wrapped my arm around her waist, feeling the silk slide over my bare chest.
"Night, Beej," Kat whispered.
"Night, Kat."
Once again, a tapping filled the room, waking me up. This time it was the door. "Billie Joe, open the door, please," Mom called out.
"Shit. Kat, wake up," I whispered to Kat.
She groaned and rolled over.
"Kat," I whispered frantically.
"Billie! Open the door!"
Thank God I had locked my door.
"Hold on," I called.
Kat wasn't moving. I helped her up and half-carried her to my closet. "Stay her, don't make a sound." She nodded sleepily and I shut my closet door behind me.
"Took you a while," Mom said when I opened the door in my boxers.
"I...sleep naked."
"Oh," she said, disbelieving. She peered around me and then stepped into the room. I watched as she scanned the room, looking for something -anything- to give me away. Her eyes stopped when they reached my bed. At the end of my bed were Kat's blue silk pajama shorts. She had gotten hot in the night and thrown them off, just sleeping in her top and underwear. Mom picked them up and dangled them in front of me. "Billie Joe," she sighed. I kept my mouth shut and looked down. If I told her that Kat came in at night a lot, she would be sure to prevent it. I waited for the shouting, but it never came. She just dropped the shorts between us and walked out of my room, shutting the door hard.
I let out my breath and locked the door. Kat stumbled out of the closet. "I'm sorry, Billie," she said.
I rested her hand on my back. "It's fine, Kat."
She picked up the silk shorts and slipped them on. "I guess I should go then," she said. She wrapped her arms around my neck. "Maybe I'll come back tonight too?"
"I'll be waiting, Kat," I said quietly, squeezing her back. I watched as my best friend climbed out my window and skipped next door. "I'm always waiting, Kat."
* * *
I knocked on Mike's bedroom door. He had lived with us since ninth grade. We had taken him in when his druggie mother tossed him out at fourteen. None of us minded, since Mike had been one of my best friends since we were ten.
A half-asleep Mike opened the door. "Morning," he yawned.
"Mom caught us again."
"Did she yell at you?" Mike shut the door behind me.
"No. She just sort of sighed and left."
"So what are you gonna do?"
I shrugged. "Nothing. Kat's just my friend. But I don't want her to stop coming."
"Billie Joe, can you come out here?" Mom called.
Mike and I exchanged glances, and I left the room.
Mom was standing in the kitchen, dressed for work. "Billie," she began.
"Mom, I didn't sleep with Kat. She's having trouble at home, and she would rather stay with me. Besides, Kat's my best friend," I explained.
"I just think you're too young. I don't want Kat... sleeping with you anymore." When I didn't answer, she said softer, "You need to be responsible for both of you, Billie Joe. Kat's just a girl."
"She's not just a girl! She's beautiful. Mom, I love her too much to ever hurt her!" I cried angrily.
For a moment, Mom just smiled softly at me. "Just be careful, Billie."
I sighed and shook my head as she left out the back door.
That night, I waited up for Kat. At around two in the morning, I finally decided to leave the window cracked in hope that she might still come.
I was asleep when a click woke me up. Kat slid in next to me. I turned around to face her, and I noticed her cheeks glistened with tears in the darkness. "Kat, what's wrong?" I asked. She broke down in front of me and began to sob. I watched her shake. "Please, Kat, talk to me," I pleaded, gathering her in my arms. My mind clouded with worry. She mumbled something in a soft voice. "Kat, I can't understand you." I stood up and flipped on the light switch by the door.
"No, Billie. Please, turn out the lights," Kat begged. She hid her face in the pillows, pulling the covers up to her chin. I left the light on.
Sitting on the bed, I began to rub her back. I was scared at what might be wrong with her. "Kat," I said, trying to help her sit up and face me.
"Billie, please, don't." But it was too late. I lifted her face, and her scared blue eyes met my worried green ones.
"God, Kat." I let out a slow breath. There was a large red welt covering the right side of her face, her right eye was black, and there was a shallow cut on the left side of her face. Blood trickled down from her mouth. "What the hell happened to you?" I asked softly.
Kat didn't answer; she just glared at me as if daring me to say more. I stood and helped her up. In my bathroom I sat her on the counter. Wetting a washcloth, I gently cleaned her face up. She was still in her regular clothes, not her pajamas. "Do you want ice?" I asked.
"No, BJ," Kat mumbled quietly.
I picked her up and went back to my bed. Sitting on my bed with Kat in my lap, I stroked her hair as she rested her head on my chest. "Do you want to talk?"
"No."
I grabbed a t-shirt from my drawer and handed it to her. Kat stripped to her bra and underwear, then slipped the shirt over her head. I noticed dark bruises forming around her arms, back, ribs, and stomach. She climbed into the bed, pulled the covers up, and shut her eyes. I lay next to her and hesitantly wrapped my arms around her. Kat flinched, then scooted as close as possible.
"I was so scared, Billie. I'm sorry," she whispered. A stifled sob escaped her lips, and I gave her a gentle squeeze.
"It's okay, Kat. It's okay."
"Billie. Billie Joe," someone said softly.
I opened my eyes to see Kat leaning over me. "Hey," I said, sitting up.
She was still in my shirt, and it fell to mid-thigh. I stared for a moment, then looked up to meet her eyes.
"Good morning," she grinned. My heart broke to see her broken face smiling.
Kat climbed back into the bed and snuggled up real close. I draped an arm around her waist.
"He hit me."
"Who did?" I asked, alarmed.
"Her boyfriend Sam. Mom's boyfriend hit me. He was drunk last night. Mom was still at work. He pushed me up against the wall."
I tightened my hold on her. I didn't want to hear this.
"He touched me. He hurt me."
"Kat," I cried. "He... he touched you? Did you tell him to stop?"
"I was so scared, Billie. I was begging him to stop, and he wouldn't. I was crying, and he wouldn't stop," Kat sobbed. She clung to my chest, and I held her.
I should have been there, I thought. I should have stopped him. I should have been there for Kat.
"Please, don't say anything," Kat begged.
"Kat, I... "
"Please, Beej. Please don't tell anyone about this, okay?" she whimpered.
I rubbed her arms absently, thinking it over. "Ok."
The house was empty after Mom and Mike left for work. Kat sat on the couch and hugged her legs up to her chest. "Billie," she said.
I sat down next to her. "Thank you," Kat whispered. "You're welcome," I answered. She lay her head in my lap. "Kat?"
"Yeah."
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Kat said, a little too quickly.
"Are you sure?"
"No," came the choked, strangled reply. Kat brought her hands up to her face. A few tears slipped through her fingers.
"That's all I needed to know."
