Billie the Zombie, chapter 3
Billie blinked stupidly for awhile and Tre and Mike exchanged nervous glances.
Suddenly, Billie fell over.
"Ahh!" Tre screamed. "What happened?!"
"Shut up, Tre! I think we finally got the undeadness outta him!"
"Oh, is that a good thing?"
"Duh!"
"Oh, okay! Time for the happy dance!" Tre hopped up and down and started singing, "Happy! Happy Happy! HAPPY!"
Then the two heard a noise from upstairs. It sounded like something falling on the floor and then someone screamed.
"What the-" Tre said, interuppting the Hawiian hoola dance he was doing.
"Adie!" Mike called. "Are you okay?"
Adie came down the stairs laughing nervously.
"What happened?" Mike asked.
"Well, the kids and I were upstairs locked in the bathroom and Jakob kinda creeped up on me and yelled boo."
"And then what?" Tre asked suspitiously.
"Then I, heh, hit him with a baseball bat."
"And then what?" Mike urged.
"The Joey screamed and scared the crap out of me, so I hit him with it too."
She giggled evilly.
"Uh...okay..." Mike and Tre were both freaked out at this point.
"So, where's Billie?" she continued after an awkward silence.
Mike pointed to Billie who was asleep on the floor.
"Oh. Is he still a 'zombie'?" She did the weird quotation mark thing with her fingers.
"I don't think so, but he's-"
Adie was hopping up and down. "That's good, 'cause I'm loney here with two unconcious kids and two...uh...priests," she added, noticing that Tre and Mike were dressed in black with a white bit on their collars.
"Well Adie, a zombie is an undead, dead person," Mike continued.
"Meaning?"
"Well...there's no easy way to put this..."
"There is so!" Tre butted in. Then he said simply, "Billie's dead."
"Oh, he is?" Adie said, scratching her head. "Okay then. Why don't we bury him in the backyard?"
Mike shrugged. "Okay."
So Tre went outside and got the coffin that had mysteriously appeared on the front yard and everyone helped place Billie into it. They had a hard time getting it through the door, so they ended up draging Billie outside and dumping him into a hole that had suddenly appeared in the backyard.
Joey and Jakob stumbled outside, rubbing their heads and asked what was going on.
"I've got some bad new, guys," their mother said sternly. "Daddy's dead. We're burying him in the backyard."
"Ok," they said at the same time.
Mike and Tre went off to find a shovel. They did, but it was running around the yard on legs that had strangely sprouted from it screaming "You can't catch me unless you're wearing a dress," very loudly.
So Adie went inside the house to find a dress and Joey and Jakob passed out again from the bumps their mother had put on their heads with a baseball bat earlier. No one noticed the muffled screams coming from the bottom of the grave.
"Adie?! Tre? Hello? Is anyone there?!" Billie was yelling. "Mike? Jakob? Joey?"
Suddenly, Simon Cowell appeared beside him in a puff of smoke.
"Hello Billie Joe," he said in his Brittish accent.
"Uh, what're you doing in my...uh..." Billie looked around. "...hole?"
"I've come to judge your singing."
"Look, this isn't really the time to..."
"Shut up, you miserable American," Simon growled.
Billie jumped. "What did you just call me?!"
Simon's face lifted into a phoney smile. "Would you like to tell me a bit about yourself, Mr. Armstrong?"
"Uh..."
So they sat in the hole together and started discussing Billie's life for God knows how long.
"So, will you sing for me?" Simon asked.
"No," Billie said.
"Why not?!" Simon screamed at him. "You're the bloody frontman for a bloody famous band!"
"Uh, dude, we are stuck in the bottom of a hole. Maybe if you help me out of the hole, I will sing for you," he was talking slowly so Simon would be able to understand him.
"Forget it, I quit," Simon disappeared, leaving Billie alone in the bottom of a grave.
"Asshole!" He yelled to the spot where Simon had been standing.
There was another puff of smoke and George Bush appeared. "Did someone call me?" He asked stupidly.
Billie stared at Bush's face with a look of disgust. Then, he started laughing like a maniac.
"Okay, I've had enough. This is getting freakin' riddiculous."
"Wh-wha-what is?" stuttered Bush. "Hey, wait a minute, you're Billie Joe Armstrong!"
"Duh, I know that!"
"You do?" Bush wasn't kidding when he was asking this.
"Ya, and I'm obviously dreaming right now."
"You is?"
"Well, I mean, what are the chances of Simon Cowell and George W. Bush having superpowers and appearing in the bottom of a hole beside me?"
"Uh..." by the look on his face, Bush was trying to think very hard.
"Okay, Billie, time to wake up!" Billie pinched himself.
"I like to fish," Bush said ramdomly.
"Get outta my hole!" Billie yelled at him.
"Uh...okay..." Bush dissapeared again and Billie climbed out of the hole. "That was easier than I thought it would be," he said to himself. Then he looked over to his left and saw Mike and Tre chasing after a shovel with legs, and they were being chased by Adie with two dresses in her hands.
"Woah," Billie said. "I'm not even gonna ask," he shrugged then walked inside for a beer.
Suddenly, Billie fell over.
"Ahh!" Tre screamed. "What happened?!"
"Shut up, Tre! I think we finally got the undeadness outta him!"
"Oh, is that a good thing?"
"Duh!"
"Oh, okay! Time for the happy dance!" Tre hopped up and down and started singing, "Happy! Happy Happy! HAPPY!"
Then the two heard a noise from upstairs. It sounded like something falling on the floor and then someone screamed.
"What the-" Tre said, interuppting the Hawiian hoola dance he was doing.
"Adie!" Mike called. "Are you okay?"
Adie came down the stairs laughing nervously.
"What happened?" Mike asked.
"Well, the kids and I were upstairs locked in the bathroom and Jakob kinda creeped up on me and yelled boo."
"And then what?" Tre asked suspitiously.
"Then I, heh, hit him with a baseball bat."
"And then what?" Mike urged.
"The Joey screamed and scared the crap out of me, so I hit him with it too."
She giggled evilly.
"Uh...okay..." Mike and Tre were both freaked out at this point.
"So, where's Billie?" she continued after an awkward silence.
Mike pointed to Billie who was asleep on the floor.
"Oh. Is he still a 'zombie'?" She did the weird quotation mark thing with her fingers.
"I don't think so, but he's-"
Adie was hopping up and down. "That's good, 'cause I'm loney here with two unconcious kids and two...uh...priests," she added, noticing that Tre and Mike were dressed in black with a white bit on their collars.
"Well Adie, a zombie is an undead, dead person," Mike continued.
"Meaning?"
"Well...there's no easy way to put this..."
"There is so!" Tre butted in. Then he said simply, "Billie's dead."
"Oh, he is?" Adie said, scratching her head. "Okay then. Why don't we bury him in the backyard?"
Mike shrugged. "Okay."
So Tre went outside and got the coffin that had mysteriously appeared on the front yard and everyone helped place Billie into it. They had a hard time getting it through the door, so they ended up draging Billie outside and dumping him into a hole that had suddenly appeared in the backyard.
Joey and Jakob stumbled outside, rubbing their heads and asked what was going on.
"I've got some bad new, guys," their mother said sternly. "Daddy's dead. We're burying him in the backyard."
"Ok," they said at the same time.
Mike and Tre went off to find a shovel. They did, but it was running around the yard on legs that had strangely sprouted from it screaming "You can't catch me unless you're wearing a dress," very loudly.
So Adie went inside the house to find a dress and Joey and Jakob passed out again from the bumps their mother had put on their heads with a baseball bat earlier. No one noticed the muffled screams coming from the bottom of the grave.
"Adie?! Tre? Hello? Is anyone there?!" Billie was yelling. "Mike? Jakob? Joey?"
Suddenly, Simon Cowell appeared beside him in a puff of smoke.
"Hello Billie Joe," he said in his Brittish accent.
"Uh, what're you doing in my...uh..." Billie looked around. "...hole?"
"I've come to judge your singing."
"Look, this isn't really the time to..."
"Shut up, you miserable American," Simon growled.
Billie jumped. "What did you just call me?!"
Simon's face lifted into a phoney smile. "Would you like to tell me a bit about yourself, Mr. Armstrong?"
"Uh..."
So they sat in the hole together and started discussing Billie's life for God knows how long.
"So, will you sing for me?" Simon asked.
"No," Billie said.
"Why not?!" Simon screamed at him. "You're the bloody frontman for a bloody famous band!"
"Uh, dude, we are stuck in the bottom of a hole. Maybe if you help me out of the hole, I will sing for you," he was talking slowly so Simon would be able to understand him.
"Forget it, I quit," Simon disappeared, leaving Billie alone in the bottom of a grave.
"Asshole!" He yelled to the spot where Simon had been standing.
There was another puff of smoke and George Bush appeared. "Did someone call me?" He asked stupidly.
Billie stared at Bush's face with a look of disgust. Then, he started laughing like a maniac.
"Okay, I've had enough. This is getting freakin' riddiculous."
"Wh-wha-what is?" stuttered Bush. "Hey, wait a minute, you're Billie Joe Armstrong!"
"Duh, I know that!"
"You do?" Bush wasn't kidding when he was asking this.
"Ya, and I'm obviously dreaming right now."
"You is?"
"Well, I mean, what are the chances of Simon Cowell and George W. Bush having superpowers and appearing in the bottom of a hole beside me?"
"Uh..." by the look on his face, Bush was trying to think very hard.
"Okay, Billie, time to wake up!" Billie pinched himself.
"I like to fish," Bush said ramdomly.
"Get outta my hole!" Billie yelled at him.
"Uh...okay..." Bush dissapeared again and Billie climbed out of the hole. "That was easier than I thought it would be," he said to himself. Then he looked over to his left and saw Mike and Tre chasing after a shovel with legs, and they were being chased by Adie with two dresses in her hands.
"Woah," Billie said. "I'm not even gonna ask," he shrugged then walked inside for a beer.
