Insane Clown Posse`, chapter 1
Why hello there! You might know Tre Cool, that crazy-ass drummer from Green Day. Well, good. My name is Tre Cool and I am that crazy-ass drummer.
Anyways, I live in Oakland with my ex wife Claudia and my son Franky. Of coarse, you guys would know that huh. But did ya know I lost a nut? My scrotum? My dignity? Yeah, I bet you knew that too...But do you know exactly how I lost it? HA! Gotcha there! So here I am, gonna tell ya my story on how, exactly, I lost my virginity, er, nut.
***
We were all sitting on our a bar stools at the good ole Bottom of the Hill pub, suckin down a pint of Corona.
''So....Billie....'' I started, ''What do you think of school?''
''Hate it,'' He said plainly. I took another gulp of beer. This one went straight to my brain.
''Oh, wow,'' I said, getting all tipsy.
''Yeah, well, ya know...'' Billie looked into his glass. ''Why the hell would you ask such a question?''
''Oh, I was referring to the beer. Good beer. Great stuff,'' I said smiling. He nodded casually.
''School is bullshit,'' Mike joined in. His voice was already higher than usual and a bit raspy. Billie nodded.
''Well I was thinking of going back to school...there's this cool place were they teach clowns to be, well, clowns.'' Right when I said that, the record skipped, a glass broke, and everyone in the whole bar was silent.
''He was kidding, he was kidding! Tre likes to kid around a lot!'' Billie yelled. The whole place sighed and went on to mind their own business. Mike gave me an evil eye and laughed nervously.
''No, Mr. Billie Joe Armstrong! I wasn't even a tincy wincy bit kidding!'' I whispered.
''Shhhhhhh! Some one will hear you stupid!'' Billie whispered back. Mike smiled and shook his head.
''You are a work of art, Tre,'' Mike grinned. We were all silent, just drinking our beer.
''Holy shit. I needa go pee!'' I whined. Mike pointed to the bathroom. I ran. Alot of things could happen in that short time of taking a whizz. When I got back out, there was this dude and this other old lady sitting down next to Billie and Mike.
''Hey guys...who's our new friends?'' I asked suspiciously.
''This is Beckers and his great grandma, Sky. They're our biggest fan!'' Mike announced. I shook their hand. ''Whats up?'' Beckers asked.
''The sky...der.'' I laughed. The great grandma 'Sky' hissed, like a kitty cat.
They looked cool enough. Except that granny. She was so fucking scary! She looked like she belongs on the Blair Witch Project or something. She had crazy white hair and grey eyes. Not to mention her attitude was completely grey too. Billie leaned in close to me and whispered, '' He's been circumcised.'' I jolted back.
''Wha-?'' Billie nodded.
''OH FUCK!'' I laughed. I couldn't help to point. I would say it was the beer's fault. I started cracking up.
''CIRCUMCISED! CIRCUMCISED! BECKERS HAS BEEN CIRCUMCISED!'' I chimed
.
''It was for religious reasons! I thought you would understand!'' He protested. His face turned a bright pink and his great grandmother growled at me.
I stood on the table and kicked all the beers off.
''Tre! Stop!'' Billie yelled grabbing my leg. I raised my hands in the air.
''HEY! EVERYBODY!'' I yelled. Billie shook his head. I started dancing to the bagpipes and Irish jig music.
''We really don't know him...he just looks like he's in our band. Our other drummer, the real Tre Cool died!'' Mike said. I looked down, almost ready to cry.
"Okay, okay, I gotta joke!" I yelled.
''Tre...stop it...'' Billie whined.
''WHY DO THE GIRLS LIKE GUYS THAT ARE CIRCUMCISED?''
''WHY?!'' The crowd demanded. I grabbed one of the beers off of the waiter's plate as he walked by and held it up.
''BECAUSE IT WAS HALF OFF!'' I yelled. Everyone cheered. It was so awesome to have that kind of attention! I poured the beer all over my crouch and started to belly dance. I took off my shirt and the girls came running!
That old lady had to burst it all.
''Keemo Maka, Shookawa...Keemo Maka, Shookawa...Keemo Maka, Shookawa...'' She chanted. I couldn't help to look at her. Her eyes looked like they turned white and fangs bulging out of her mouth.
''You will be cursed forever and eternity!'' She said, pointing her finger at me and taking a glass of water in her other hand.
''KALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALA!'' She screamed, throwing the water on my bare chest. It was so fucking cold that it made me twitch. It made me twitch just enough so that I loose my balance and fall of the table.
Everything went black.
Anyways, I live in Oakland with my ex wife Claudia and my son Franky. Of coarse, you guys would know that huh. But did ya know I lost a nut? My scrotum? My dignity? Yeah, I bet you knew that too...But do you know exactly how I lost it? HA! Gotcha there! So here I am, gonna tell ya my story on how, exactly, I lost my virginity, er, nut.
***
We were all sitting on our a bar stools at the good ole Bottom of the Hill pub, suckin down a pint of Corona.
''So....Billie....'' I started, ''What do you think of school?''
''Hate it,'' He said plainly. I took another gulp of beer. This one went straight to my brain.
''Oh, wow,'' I said, getting all tipsy.
''Yeah, well, ya know...'' Billie looked into his glass. ''Why the hell would you ask such a question?''
''Oh, I was referring to the beer. Good beer. Great stuff,'' I said smiling. He nodded casually.
''School is bullshit,'' Mike joined in. His voice was already higher than usual and a bit raspy. Billie nodded.
''Well I was thinking of going back to school...there's this cool place were they teach clowns to be, well, clowns.'' Right when I said that, the record skipped, a glass broke, and everyone in the whole bar was silent.
''He was kidding, he was kidding! Tre likes to kid around a lot!'' Billie yelled. The whole place sighed and went on to mind their own business. Mike gave me an evil eye and laughed nervously.
''No, Mr. Billie Joe Armstrong! I wasn't even a tincy wincy bit kidding!'' I whispered.
''Shhhhhhh! Some one will hear you stupid!'' Billie whispered back. Mike smiled and shook his head.
''You are a work of art, Tre,'' Mike grinned. We were all silent, just drinking our beer.
''Holy shit. I needa go pee!'' I whined. Mike pointed to the bathroom. I ran. Alot of things could happen in that short time of taking a whizz. When I got back out, there was this dude and this other old lady sitting down next to Billie and Mike.
''Hey guys...who's our new friends?'' I asked suspiciously.
''This is Beckers and his great grandma, Sky. They're our biggest fan!'' Mike announced. I shook their hand. ''Whats up?'' Beckers asked.
''The sky...der.'' I laughed. The great grandma 'Sky' hissed, like a kitty cat.
They looked cool enough. Except that granny. She was so fucking scary! She looked like she belongs on the Blair Witch Project or something. She had crazy white hair and grey eyes. Not to mention her attitude was completely grey too. Billie leaned in close to me and whispered, '' He's been circumcised.'' I jolted back.
''Wha-?'' Billie nodded.
''OH FUCK!'' I laughed. I couldn't help to point. I would say it was the beer's fault. I started cracking up.
''CIRCUMCISED! CIRCUMCISED! BECKERS HAS BEEN CIRCUMCISED!'' I chimed
.
''It was for religious reasons! I thought you would understand!'' He protested. His face turned a bright pink and his great grandmother growled at me.
I stood on the table and kicked all the beers off.
''Tre! Stop!'' Billie yelled grabbing my leg. I raised my hands in the air.
''HEY! EVERYBODY!'' I yelled. Billie shook his head. I started dancing to the bagpipes and Irish jig music.
''We really don't know him...he just looks like he's in our band. Our other drummer, the real Tre Cool died!'' Mike said. I looked down, almost ready to cry.
"Okay, okay, I gotta joke!" I yelled.
''Tre...stop it...'' Billie whined.
''WHY DO THE GIRLS LIKE GUYS THAT ARE CIRCUMCISED?''
''WHY?!'' The crowd demanded. I grabbed one of the beers off of the waiter's plate as he walked by and held it up.
''BECAUSE IT WAS HALF OFF!'' I yelled. Everyone cheered. It was so awesome to have that kind of attention! I poured the beer all over my crouch and started to belly dance. I took off my shirt and the girls came running!
That old lady had to burst it all.
''Keemo Maka, Shookawa...Keemo Maka, Shookawa...Keemo Maka, Shookawa...'' She chanted. I couldn't help to look at her. Her eyes looked like they turned white and fangs bulging out of her mouth.
''You will be cursed forever and eternity!'' She said, pointing her finger at me and taking a glass of water in her other hand.
''KALAKALAKALAKALAKALAKALA!'' She screamed, throwing the water on my bare chest. It was so fucking cold that it made me twitch. It made me twitch just enough so that I loose my balance and fall of the table.
Everything went black.
