Is It Temptation Or Is It Love?, chapter 1

Winter of 2006.

I arose tiredly from my warm bed. I yawned and opened the curtains to let in some natural light. I walked into the bathroom and stared at my reflection. The same, pretty little face that was always there stared back at me. I got angry. I gelt like punching my fist through it to see the shattered shards of myself. I looked so happy on the outside, but I felt so alone within.

I turned on the water and started my bath. I got undressed and stared into the mirror again. I looked at my tiny frame. Strands of my light, brown hair fell in waves halfway down my back. Two bright, grey eyes stared back at me. I sighed and turned away to take my bath.

***

I finished and dried off myself, ready to start another day of work. I didn't really need the job. I was pretty much set. I didn't have to pay bills or rent or even buy food, I guess I got the job so I would have something to do.

I walked back into the bedroom of my studio apartment. My feet dragged along the wooden floors. Water dripped from my hair and fell like puddles onto the floor. I guess I will have to clean that up later. I pulled on a Misfits shirt that was cut above my belly button and a black, pinstripe mini-skirt with a chain attached to the front. I laced my old, beat-up Doc Marten's, grabbed my purse, cell and keys and headed out the door.

I started the engine to my fairly new silver BMW and pulled out of the driveway. I didn't want the car at first, but he insisted that I take it as a gift. Who is this you ask? You obviously must know. The media has insisted that I have been his mistress for years. The truth is, they couldn't be more right.

I know it sounds wrong to you, but you aren't in my position. You weren't there when we met in that club back in '93. You weren't there when he told me he loved me for the first time. You weren't there when he was upset and crying into my chest. You weren't there that night he took me onto the beach and we kised, bathed in the moonlight. You weren't there when my heart ripped in two on his wedding day. Of course you weren't there, not many people even know about us. He's my drug, my obsession, my love, my hate, my heart, my enemy, my strength, my weakness. Those perfedtly died locks, those gorgeous, green eyes, those warm, loving arms, that amazing body, those lips mine never seem to part from. Who is he you ask?

My thoughts completely took over me while I drove to work. His name reverberating in my brain. My mind repeating it over and over again, Billie Joe Armstrong.

***

I pulled into the parking lot and walked out. I work at this record store in downtown Berkeley. It's nice. I've known everyone who works here because I've had this job since I was twenty-one.

I checked in, pulled on my work badge and vest and sat behind the counter. In my range of vision was a poster advertising Bullet In A Bible. We haven't taken it down and I don't think we ever will. I satred at it longingly, wanting to feel my lover's touch.

"Hello? Cali, you there?" asked my friend of several years, Skye, who was also flailing her arms in my face as if it would help me out of my lust-driven gaze.

"Huh? Yeah, yeah. I'm here."

"Good, 'cuz some customers are coming in."

I sighed and nodded my head, trying to snap myself out of my dreamy state of mind. I put on my fake smile that was basically required at my job. I heard the familiar jingle of bells as the door opened and closed.

***

I basically spent my entire day doing ym job and a bunch of non-important and insignificant things/ In order for you to get to know me better and to fully understand where I am at this point in my life then you'll have to dig back, way back to that fateful night thirteen years ago.

FLASHBACK:
July 13, 1993

"I told you, I'm not going out tonight."

"C'mon, Cali. It'll be fun, everyone's there."

"I don't care if they are. I don't feel like going."

"Who doesn't want to go to the Gilman?"

"I don't, that's who."

"Trust me, you'll like it."

"Will you shut the fuck up if I say yes?"

"Yes."

"Fine."

"Awesome, let's get going then."

I hate it when my friends get like this. They are always trying to drag me into some bar or club that's 'in'. I really don't know what's so great about some dilapitated punk club in Oakland. I didn't feel like fighting Devon anymore so I decided I'd go with her. I grabbed my favorite dark red tanktop and a pair of black jeans and we headed out of the door.

When we arrived at the place it was just as I had suspected. A bunch of Bay area punks lounging around and getting stoned. They had some really good bands though. Devon had dragged me into the moshpit and things started to get violent. After some guy punched me in the face, I decided to retire my moshing gloves and retreated to the bar in the back. I ordered a beer and sat there gloomily. I see no point in being here.

***

A few beerslater and I felt slightly light-headed. I had no idea where Devon went, probably ran off with some guy and left me here like she always does. I was just about to leave when this guy walked up to the bar and ordered a drink. I just couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was the most amazing looking guy I had ever seen, and that was an understatement. His reddish-brown hair was darker in the dimly lit club. Even in the darkness the amazing brightness of his green eyes shown. He looked sad like something bad had happened to him and I really felt for the guy.

"Rough night?" I asked, hoping to get a response from this handsome stranger.

"Yeah, tell me about it. You?"

His voice was more beautiful then I could have imagined. It was as if God himself had come down from the heavens and this was his human form. Cali, you need to calm yoursel down. You only just met this guy.

"My friend abandoned me and I have no way to get home."

"That's not too bad. A pretty girl like yourself can easily find a ride home."

Did he just call me pretty? I tried not to blush at his comment with little success.

"So, what's wrong with you?"

"My girlfriend dumped me."

"Oh man, I'm sorry."

He's single? How could a man who looks this good be single? I placed my hand on his back to comfort him and when I did I felt this jolt of excitement course through my veins. What's wrong with me?

Instead of his body tightening up like I expected, he began to loosen up. He looked at me with the hint of a smile on his face.

"Sorry, I've been talking to you all this time and I didn't catch your name."

"Oh, it's Cali. Short for California, cheesy, I know."

"No, I think it's a nice name."

"And yourself?"

"Billie. Billie Joe Armstrong."

He stuck out his hand to be shaken and I took it.

"Cali Marie Holden."

"So you still need that ride?"

"Yeah."

"C'mon, I'll take ya home."

"Oh, you don't have to do this."

"No, it's okay. Can't have you walk home by yourself. Where you live?"

"Berkeley."

"Damn, and you came all the way out here to the Gilman?"

"My friend wanted me to come."

"So you aren't into the Bay area punk scene?"

"Not really."

"No?"

"Nope."

"Operation Ivy?"

"I've heard of them, haven't heard them."

"Jesus, someone who hasn't heard of Op Ivy and lives in the Bay, shame."

"Oh, shut up."

"So I guess you've seen Green Day?"

"I've heard of them a lot. The friend I came here with said they're one of her favorite bands and that the singer was hot."

He laughed.

"What? Do you know him? Is he ugly?"

"Well you can answer that question yourself."

"Huh?"

"I guess I should say that for my job I sing and play guitar for my band, Green Day."

"Oh man, so you're the guy?"

"Yeah, let's start heading out then."

We walked out into the warm, summer night air. I don't know why, but summertime always brings out the spontaneity in people. Summer flings and all. I hope this this guy will be more then just a fling. I got into the passenger side of his white Fairlaine and we drove off.

"So, is the singer of Green Day hot?"

He looked over at me and made the most adorable face.

"Yes, he really is."

"Well, did you know what I heard about him?"

"What?"

"He thinks a certain someone named California is one of the sexiest girls he's ever laid his eyes on."

My heart stopped beating. He likes me? Oh man, I love my life. And whenever I see Devon I have to thank her for ditching me. I decided to keep playing his little game.

"Really? How do you know?"

"I'll show you."

He stopped at a red light and leaned over to me. He touched my cheek. I loved the feeling oh his hands on my skin. He leaned in, eyes closed, just as I, and kissed me. His lips felt warm against mine. I felt his tongue enter my mouth and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He started to crawl over on my side of the car when a horn beeped, signaling us that the light had turned green and it was time for us to go. He sighed sadly and retreated to his side of the car. I felt cold without him so close to me.

"Wow, that was..."

"...amazing," he completed for me.

We rode in silence for a few minutes.

"Cali?"

"Yeah, Billie?"

"You don't have to go home just yet, huh?"

I gave him a mischevious grin and he smiled at me again. His eyes were lit with passion. We pulled into this park's parking lot and we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Articles of clothing went flying all over the place.

***

A few hours later, we collapsed into each other's arms. I rested my head on his chest and felt his heart beat fast, and then, in time, it slowed. He wrapped his arms around me and held me for a moment. He looked down at me and kissed my neck. I looked up at him. He was smiling down at me. I felt my heart swell. I never fell this quickly for a guy in my life. There was just something about him. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and leaned down to give me another kiss.

"I know this may sound sudden, Cali, since we just met each other tonight but..."

I put my finger to his lips.

"You don't have to say anything to me, Billie. I feel the same way," I whispered in his ear.

His face lit up again and he started to kiss my neck fiercely and I leaned back down on the car seat.


END OF FLASHBACK.

That was what happened the first night I met him. I still fell the same way about him now as I did then. He's the kind of guy who's arms you melt into. I looked at the poster again. I wanted him so badly to keep to myself. Sadly, I know that will never happen. I took off my work badge and vest and handed them to Skye.

"You heading home?"

"Yeah. See you tomorrow, Skye."

"Bye, Cali."

I walked out of the little record store and got into my silver BMW. I checked my cell and it shown I had one new text message.

i miss you.

I sighed and closed the phone. If he only knew how badly I had missed him.
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