Teenage Riot, chapter 3

Desperation is the first instinct to lack of freedom.

"Sometimes, I wonder...who the fuck am I?" Says Rio in his low slow tone of voice, while taking a ciggar out of the jean's pocket." Sometimes, I really freak myself out" He whispers, directing the ciggar to his thin dry lips. He takes a long drag, and holds the air inside as if it would stop the time. Then he exhales, and He goes on.

"Sometimes I ask myself: How fucked up am I? Is it bad enough to blast it all away? Could I kill someone? Could I do it for money? Maybe for a fix? Would my hand remain steady? How fucked up am I? Do I really give a flying fuck? Am I fucking scared? Can I fucking answer? Those are pretty serious questions right?" He takes another long drag, then another, and another.

"I guess I can't I hate this town, but hell I can fucking tell you. If this is my life. If this where I belong. Then I'm fucked up for life.

I belong to the streets I belong to the underworld. I belong to the dusty corners and I belong to the rain. I belong to every drop of that dirty sick liquid falling down my face. I belong to that life under a bridge...I'm one of those, at least I believe so and I need to discover it tonight," He says remarking the words "fucked up" while passing a hand through his black mohawk.

"I feel the hate down my gutts. I feel the fear running through my veins. I could burst on tears right now, I think I have already done that." Rio adds while touching his cold cheeks. He finds them to be wet, from all the tears he has subconsciously cried. He weeps them away with the sleeve of his jacket.

"So, pathetic of me. I want this all to go fucking far away. I'm so sick of a future that already has delimited sheets to be written on...the only way to make this go away is...heroin." he bites his lip delicatedly, but firmly, his teeth traping his lips on such a painful encounter.

"Some say it fucks me up. The thing is I am already so fucked up." His lips slowly sliping from their captors. His fingers now stroking his silver ring repeatedly. He stares at it watching it shine. Stroking it fater and faster, heating it up. Until he presses it to his lips and feels the presious metal burning on his kiss. It feels so good, a few second of no limits.

"I'm gonna tell them about my plan, We all live in New York. Still we have never lived it. We belong to this city. So this city belongs to us. We gotta do it right, and we could live in this streets. I want it spin out of control. I'm so sick of limits. I can say I'm still scared. The bloody fear its not going to disappear, and I'm not going stop it, if it tries to take over. I don't know what we are going to do, but we gotta do something. They all will agree, if not because they trust me, but because we are all so damn fucked up." He finishes. Rio reaches for the tape recorder, and in one graceful movement of power on his hands, he turns it off. Letting out a big loud sigh.
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