I don't know what to do anymore [Please, God...]

Well, this blog is to ask for your help, opinions, advice, insight, whatever. But please, if you comment, don't put something along the lines of "Get over it." I've tried that, and it's not working.

I'll start at the beginning.
I met Daryl at the beginning of last school year. Not the very beginning, around October, I guess. He was friends with a few of my friends, and he, his best friend, and I, as well as 2 of our other friends, all lived within a mile of each other, so I would give his best friend and the 2 others rides to school in the morning. Sometimes I'd give Daryl rides home. But yeah, that's how I met him more or less. Daryl was with me, his best friend, and another girl one day after school in October, when I got into a bit of an incident with some of the hicks at my school and yelled at them. Then one day in early December, Daryl and I had detention together, he sat by me, and he walked me to my car afterwards [his dad was picking him up.] Then, another day, school got out early coz of a ridiculous amount of ice, and I drove him home. I'd asked him to come over, but my mom said no. I worked with his brother's girlfriend at the time. She asked me if I liked him, and I said, "Yeah, kind of." She told him that, and we were talking on Myspace the next week, when he asked me about it. I told him I did like him but I wasn't sure how much. He said he felt the same.
My ex's band was playing a show at a pretty big club one night, so me and I think 7 of our friends were going, so I invited Daryl. The whole night, he acted all emo and depressive, except when I was talking to him. The next night, he invited me over, coz I left him a comment on Myspace saying I was bored. We watched Pirates of the Caribbean 2. The whole time, we were talking about random things, including turn-ons, God knows why. He ended up holding my hand, and he asked me out, but I said no. Then right before I left, I pulled him close to me, and we kissed. Needless to say, later on that night, we ended up becoming a couple.
Well, a few weeks passed, and I lost my virginity to him.
So now you know how it all started. I'll just breeze through the next few months. We were very happy for the most part. We planned on getting married, and having kids. Basically we spent every spare moment together. We fought, always over stupid stuff. Stuff like, whether or not my guy friends were flirting with me, who I talked to, etc. I always thought the good times outweighed the bad, and so I stayed. I know for a fact I saved him from suicide at least 3 times. He once told me that I "mean as much to him as his mom does." He adores his mom. I've met her, and she is pretty awesome. [His parents are divorced, he lives with his dad.]
The last night we were together, we got in a fight coz my friend Nate called and Daryl thought I was way too excited to talk to him. We ended up making up, and eventually later that night we um. Had sex. The next day, we were at our friend Brian's going away party [Brian left for the army.] I hadn't seen Daryl all day, as he'd gone to get fitted for new glasses, and then spent the rest of the day with his best friend. He wouldn't talk to me. I finally told him, "Stop playing your f*cking mind games, what's going on?" He dumped me. He said we fought too much. He said some things that one of my other exes had said [I had told Daryl what the guy said, which was "I see us as friends."] I asked him about it a couple days later, and he said the only reason he'd said it was "to switch the subject so he wouldn't get sad too."
This was about a month and a half ago. Daryl has a new girlfriend, but apparently none of our friends like her. When we were going out, she'd always flirt with him. He always told me he thought she was a ho and didn't like her. Most of our friends think he's only with her for the sex. His best friend has told me that he compares her to me alot. We talked more, and apparently had better sex. I held him. Stuff like that. His friend says that Daryl will not talk about me. Anytime I'm brought up, Daryl will just change the subject. An example:
DJ [his friend] and Daryl were playing Halo Online and DJ asked, "How do you feel about her [meaning me] right now?" Daryl took off his headset, laid down the controller, and asked DJ if he wanted a drink. Deej said yes, and when Daryl came back, he asked him if he was going to answer the question. Daryl didn't.
Also, Daryl will not say whether or not he still loves me. Which strikes me as odd. If he didn't why wouldn't he just say so?

Sweetie, I'm sorry for all the times I've messed up and made you cry, or worry, or even hate me. I'm really sorry. I promise I'll fix it before my dreams become a plea to God, pleading, "Please, give her back!", or a constant crying, yelling at God, asking Him, "Why did this have to happen?" I really don't wanna lose you sweetie. I love you so much. Please...don't ever leave me. -your Daryl
I bet you can't guess what my prayers consist of now...

Basically, the whole point of this blog is, I want Daryl back. It hurts too much to be without him. I don't believe that he doesn't still love me, because he'd said he did the night before we broke up, and well, he wouldn't lie about that. And I don't think you can stop loving someone just coz you fight alot. I know I never did. I just want to know, what should I do? Is he going to come back? I love him so much, but I guess I feel kind of helpless. Thank you for taking the time to read all this, and please let me know what you think.
Posted on August 18th, 2007 at 01:58am

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