Are people really worth it?

I get attached to people a lot..... especially my “online friends”. I don't know exactly why I do it; just the fact that I see people everyday hanging out with the same people who can go on about anything [and I mean anything], having fun and talking about the most random things.... the kind of friends that will stick with you through the end. I never had that. I lost all my childhood friends because I moved. I lost contact with the friends I had before moving back to Paris, and I'm afraid that I'll lose the “friends” I have here .. I've known some of them for almost six years now, having been in the same class and such. All I want is a real best friend, I guess. Someone who I can tell absolutely anything to, who will always be there for me, who I can stay up until four in the morning with on the phone talking about anything and anyone... a friend that will never let me down.

I see people in school, whether they're in groups of two or ten, hanging out 24/7, talking about anything that comes across their mind without being judged or given looks. I see people writing blogs about people who they'll stay friends with for the rest of their lives with. People who are by their side when in need, or just when they want to. People who won't be afraid to tell them the truth when appropriate. People who won't be hypocrites and turn their backs on you at the last minute... people who'll never abuse you mentally, emotionally, or physically.

I met a lot of people in my life, so far. I haven't been able to keep in touch with any of my friends when they/I moved for a long period of time; I just move on and occasionally think about them, and then realize that maybe if I had kept in touch with them, we could have been closer friends, but who knows? It leads me to think that I'm a bad friend, which then brings me to blocking out people and being lonely all over again.

That's the main reason why my friends “ditched” me. I was moving on from “clique” to “clique”, and not just staying with the three friends that I had at the time (mind you I was in sixth grade). They said they couldn't take it anymore and that I was out of their “clique”. In the end, I realized how much I wanted to hang out with everyone. Later on, their little group never lasted, because one of them got kicked out because the other two wanted to spend as much time possible together and always ended up leaving her out. Two years later, these 'two best friends' are no longer friends, and one of them tends to avoid the other, who changed schools in 2006.

Will I ever find someone (in real life) who will stick with me until the end? Someone who won't drop me like a dirty sock, someone who will not feel the urge to stay friends with me out of pity? Someone who will like me for me?
Posted on August 19th, 2007 at 02:38am


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