burning bridges is a form of suicide.

"i saw the fires as a ghost of my life.
passed me by and there's nowhere you can hide
from the lessons or the lies that bind them."

from point of extiction by motion city soundtrack, off of their new album even if it kills me. lately i've been thinking about things; friends, relationships, lack there of, basically just life. this past week has been one of the hardest for my friendship with my (ex) best friend andrew. well, let me give you the base of our friendship, music & the friends around us. we met last year through a mutual friend of ours, austin. we've been best friends ever since. back then we were neither straightedge or into drugs; drugs were not a part in our life. but around last november we both became very straightedge. i still had pot head friends though, i did not lecture them or try to get them to stop. this is the difference between andrew and i. i let people live the kind of life-style that they want to live because i value their friendship. i know that our friendship is more important than anything that they might be into in their spare time.
andrew, however, does not believe this. he believes that everyone should be straightedge and that drugs are beyond stupid. he believes that anyone who does them is obviously a bafoon and does not realize the consiquences of their actions. most of the people around him think this way aswell, so it really isn't a problem. he thinks like everyone else so there is no conflict amongst friends. simple, good, life to live, isn't it? it'd be nice if everyone could see the same side you think by and understand you. but not everyone does. very few take the time to actually go there. they just either blow you off or change the subject.
well, no matter how big the problem or fight between best friends, i believe there is always going to be best friend material in both of them. i still love andrew more than any boy out there, he is my best friend at heart. he gets me most of the time. but, the differences between us seem to be fucking up our friendship and until either one of us gives, it's going to stay fucked up.
but i'm not blogging about andrew, i don't really think any of you give a damn. i'm blogging about life. how friends grow apart, make different desicions. bad desicions, good desicions. but no matter how much you might hate them if you ever loved them, you're always going to love them. no matter what. i know that i still think about the people that are not in my life anymore, either by choice or by consiquence. the people that i used to love are still in my thoughts and in my heart. i don't know if that is the same for everyone, but that is how it is for me. i can forgive and forget as easily as the next person. certian things can change.. i know that things will never really be the same between andrew and i. because of the conversation between us in english today. i know that i can never love my ex as much as i used to. but, in a strange way i still do. sometimes love stinks.. sometimes it's amazing.
but most of the time is just is.

"i'm so tired
i've had enough
if there's one thing I've learned
you'll always get burned
but you'll never give it up"

Posted on November 6th, 2007 at 12:57am


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