I Try To Make Fantasy Become Reality.
I warn you now, this blog is just a stupid rant about my personal 'issues'.
I felt the need to post this as a blog instead of a Blah Blah, because I consider this more serious than the other crap I usually write about.
Okay, it's a bit hard for me to explain my 'issue', but I'll try my best.
As quite a few of you know, I have a strange obsession with yaoi.
Definition of Yaoi (from urbandictionary.com*) - Yaoi is a slang meaning 'boys love' or homosexuality that is used in the japanese language. Popular with fangirls who like their favorite anime guys to kiss.
Yes, I bet all who are reading are thinking "What a retard" or "What the hell?". I think that too.
Except, I like all yaoi. I read a lot of FanFiction (from Fanfiction.net) and now my obsession is seriously... fucked up. I read a lot of Naruto and Harry Potter fanfiction. The pairings: SasukexNaruto, DracoxHarry. Especially DracoxHarry.
Okay, so my obsession has gotten out of hand, and it's even lead me to crying a lot at random times.
When I read Fanfiction (yaoi only), I want what I read to happen in real life.
Example: I wish Daniel Radcliffe and Tom Felton dated each other or something.
Mhmm. Strange, I know.
So basically, what I'm trying to say is I live inside my head, in my own little fantasy world, and I try to make my fantasy become reality because if I don't... I'll explode.
If you've seen my profile, it should have something like this written there:
Dobby - my mother
Lord Voldemort - my father
Harry Potter - step mother
Lucius Malfoy - uncle (as in good-friends-with-dad kind of thing)
Severus Snape - uncle (as in good-friends-with-dad kind of thing, also)
Draco Malfoy - cousin (as in dad-is-good-friends-with-my-dad kind of thing)
So in my little world, this is the story:
Dobby and Voldemort are married, until Voldemort has an affair with Harry Potter, and then Harry has an affair with Draco. Tada! Happy land!
So that's like saying "My step mother's going to marry my cousin"... and when I say that, people think "0_0". Of course I'd think 0_0 too, but I know what I'm talking about so it's all good.
I have a friend named Josh, and I decided to do a role play thing, so he was Lucius Malfoy. I have another good friend named Nathan, and he was Severus Snape.
Every single day, 5 times a day, I'd ask Lucius "What's your name? What's your last name? Who's your son? What does your son's name mean? Who is he getting married to? Who are you in love with (Severus Snape)?" and eventually he'd get used to it and answered without any hesitation.
I'm so use to calling him Lucius now, when people call him Josh, I get confused.
Like my fantasy world, I always try to make Josh (Lucius) and Nathan (Severus) talk to each other.
Today, they actually made me cry. Unbelievable.
When the bell rung for lunch, I told Lucius to say hello to Severus, and he agreed to do so, and just when I finished talking, I saw Severus there! And you know what? I cried. Seriously crying because I thought it was such a coincidence.
I couldn't stop crying after that. Don't you find it that whenever you cry, you can't control yourself?
Whenever I cry, I feel like I'm on drugs without the drugs. I was sprawled out on the floor bawling my eyes out and beating my fist against the floor like some moron.
That afternoon, I decided to stop calling Josh 'Lucius' and put him out of his misery, so I stopped my stupid Harry Potter fantasy altogether.
All the things I said above would've been a laugh to all you people reading. I even laughed! But if you really think about it, it's quite serious.
Crying about stupid things like that and having abnormal obsessions and the most dramatic mood swings.
Like, I'll by smiling one minute, and then crying the next in a blink of an eye. Literally.
Because I'm so consumed to yaoi, sometimes I feel like I'm a friggin' heterophobe! I'm not, because I am straight myself. I don't even like to call myself a female, I say I'm a gay man to everyone I meet.
I like to live in my head, because I hate reality. But sometimes, I can't always live in my head, so when I enter reality, I like to take my fantasy to reality with me. That doesn't make sense but I don't care. Meh. :]
I just felt the need to write a blog about that, because I really need help.
I apologise to all the people who decided to read this thought this was absolute bullshit, but I did warn you.
But thanks for reading anyway.
* http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=yaoi
I felt the need to post this as a blog instead of a Blah Blah, because I consider this more serious than the other crap I usually write about.
Okay, it's a bit hard for me to explain my 'issue', but I'll try my best.
As quite a few of you know, I have a strange obsession with yaoi.
Definition of Yaoi (from urbandictionary.com*) - Yaoi is a slang meaning 'boys love' or homosexuality that is used in the japanese language. Popular with fangirls who like their favorite anime guys to kiss.
Yes, I bet all who are reading are thinking "What a retard" or "What the hell?". I think that too.
Except, I like all yaoi. I read a lot of FanFiction (from Fanfiction.net) and now my obsession is seriously... fucked up. I read a lot of Naruto and Harry Potter fanfiction. The pairings: SasukexNaruto, DracoxHarry. Especially DracoxHarry.
Okay, so my obsession has gotten out of hand, and it's even lead me to crying a lot at random times.
When I read Fanfiction (yaoi only), I want what I read to happen in real life.
Example: I wish Daniel Radcliffe and Tom Felton dated each other or something.
Mhmm. Strange, I know.
So basically, what I'm trying to say is I live inside my head, in my own little fantasy world, and I try to make my fantasy become reality because if I don't... I'll explode.
If you've seen my profile, it should have something like this written there:
Dobby - my mother
Lord Voldemort - my father
Harry Potter - step mother
Lucius Malfoy - uncle (as in good-friends-with-dad kind of thing)
Severus Snape - uncle (as in good-friends-with-dad kind of thing, also)
Draco Malfoy - cousin (as in dad-is-good-friends-with-my-dad kind of thing)
So in my little world, this is the story:
Dobby and Voldemort are married, until Voldemort has an affair with Harry Potter, and then Harry has an affair with Draco. Tada! Happy land!
So that's like saying "My step mother's going to marry my cousin"... and when I say that, people think "0_0". Of course I'd think 0_0 too, but I know what I'm talking about so it's all good.
I have a friend named Josh, and I decided to do a role play thing, so he was Lucius Malfoy. I have another good friend named Nathan, and he was Severus Snape.
Every single day, 5 times a day, I'd ask Lucius "What's your name? What's your last name? Who's your son? What does your son's name mean? Who is he getting married to? Who are you in love with (Severus Snape)?" and eventually he'd get used to it and answered without any hesitation.
I'm so use to calling him Lucius now, when people call him Josh, I get confused.
Like my fantasy world, I always try to make Josh (Lucius) and Nathan (Severus) talk to each other.
Today, they actually made me cry. Unbelievable.
When the bell rung for lunch, I told Lucius to say hello to Severus, and he agreed to do so, and just when I finished talking, I saw Severus there! And you know what? I cried. Seriously crying because I thought it was such a coincidence.
I couldn't stop crying after that. Don't you find it that whenever you cry, you can't control yourself?
Whenever I cry, I feel like I'm on drugs without the drugs. I was sprawled out on the floor bawling my eyes out and beating my fist against the floor like some moron.
That afternoon, I decided to stop calling Josh 'Lucius' and put him out of his misery, so I stopped my stupid Harry Potter fantasy altogether.
All the things I said above would've been a laugh to all you people reading. I even laughed! But if you really think about it, it's quite serious.
Crying about stupid things like that and having abnormal obsessions and the most dramatic mood swings.
Like, I'll by smiling one minute, and then crying the next in a blink of an eye. Literally.
Because I'm so consumed to yaoi, sometimes I feel like I'm a friggin' heterophobe! I'm not, because I am straight myself. I don't even like to call myself a female, I say I'm a gay man to everyone I meet.
I like to live in my head, because I hate reality. But sometimes, I can't always live in my head, so when I enter reality, I like to take my fantasy to reality with me. That doesn't make sense but I don't care. Meh. :]
I just felt the need to write a blog about that, because I really need help.
I apologise to all the people who decided to read this thought this was absolute bullshit, but I did warn you.
But thanks for reading anyway.
* http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=yaoi
yay for yaoi!
fruit_baskets, December 2nd, 2008 at 11:22:16am
o.O
I can understand the whole crying randomly and living in am altered state of reality! but I thought you should know that your pairings suck. =p
besides that, i dont think anythings wrong with you! ^__^
[/random stranger comment]
banquo, June 21st, 2008 at 06:18:55pm
O= *hugs Rocky tightly* Thank you so much <33
You always make me feel so damn special. I wish I could do the same for you, but I'm not good at telling people that. D:
I really do love you!
Yes. You are my shrink. ^_^
*is even more proud*
Dobbemort_8thHorcrux, December 1st, 2007 at 07:49:58am
Monique... ;;_;;
You're not f*cked up in anyway way, shape or form. Everybody's different and you're f*cking unique. And this is why I adore you. You're not like so many other people I've come across. You're you.
Don't ever think you're f*cked up because of that. We all have our obsessions... me included. >_>
And remember, if you do feel insane, I'm your shrink. -proud-
Plus, you being 'insane' just matches me. I need some weird-ass companion to travel with me, y'know, being a time lord and all. :file:
So you might not believe me, but you're not crazy, you're you, and that's all I (and the other people who are fortunate enough to know you) need to love you. You're too lovable. :D
You're so pwning.
-hugs-
The Brightside., November 27th, 2007 at 07:58:25am
I kinda recognize myself in this blog :o
Mr. Teatime, November 26th, 2007 at 03:34:19pm
O= *cries* That was the best comment, ever!
No it's okay. I like being a retard :' )
I love you too Liz. You are even MORE amazing to me. <333
Dobbemort_8thHorcrux, November 26th, 2007 at 12:47:00pm
I still love you, you little retard. -huggle-
I honeslty don't think you're a freak at all. =]
I LOVE YOU.
No matter who you are, or who you choose to be, and I love you, even if you are insane.
-hug-
That wasn;t very comforting, cause I called you insane, and a retard, but I'm joking, I don't mean that at all. You are amazing to me.)
waiting_a_long_time, November 26th, 2007 at 11:54:47am