Pointless Ranting

Well, I'm gonna write one more blog for the day.

Hmm..the real question is, what to write about. I could go on for hours about how screwed up everything is, and how much I hate it, but honestly that would be wasting both mine and your time. So, I think I'll just rant a little bit, if you don't mind.

Well, it's just after one, and I haven't done anything today. I woke up around nine and have been doing this since then. I've been up four and a half hours and I've already cried three times. I don't know about you, but crying makes my head hurt.. bad. So, I'm sitting here, wasting my time writing something no one even reads, with a headache, and an empty stomach. I haven't eaten much today, not that I ever do. I'm still deciding whether or not I should get up and get something, or just suffer through it. I prefer the latter to be honest. I don't much mind pain, kind of like it actually. You bleed just to know you're alive, right? Hmm...as I sit here and ponder whether or not I'll cry again by the closing of the day, a strange though occured to me. I honestly wouldn't mind if I was no longer here. If I just died right now, I couldn't truthfully say I'd care... and I highly doubt anyone else would. Except for those few people who do truely care for me.

Have you ever had an empty spot? Or felt completely alone and afraid? Well, that's pretty much how I feel right now. Considering I haven't had my dad for so many years, I guess you could say I was used to it, to some extent, but, it's so empty in the spot where he belongs. It's an odd sensation really. Feeling alone, and yet being around many different people. It's like like going to a new school and not knowing anyone. You feel all alone, but yet, there's people there. I feel like that, only ten times worse. I'm so infuriated with myself for being this way. I'm such a wuss, I barely even talk to anyone in person anymore. I can't stand to call anyone on the phone, in fear of bothering them. I worry twenty four/seven. I fear saying anything, just in case it might upset someone. I wish everyone would be wiped off the Earth with one irate hand gesture.. but that's just me...

Well, I've not much else to say really. I'm not very interesting. I don't do much. Except for wallow in self pity and cry, but that's beside the point. Hmm....I'm not sure if there's anything left to add at this point. I'd just like to say....yeah, I've got nothing.