Not the greatest start to a love life

Well I guess the best place to start is at the beginning:

I met her at a party, not the kinda party with and abundance of alcohol and making out, the kinda party with best friends playing truth and dare and murder in the dark. Me and my best friend, lets call him Jack, were invited to this party so that the host, lets call her Cat, could spend time with her boyfriend without her parents thinking they went out, basically we were a cover.
Me and Jack walked into he party and we saw everyone we knew, sitting around talking, playing ping pong etc... But we saw one person we didn't know. She was friends with some people at the party from primary school, and they’d invited her because they wanted her to make more friends before she changed high school to the one we all went to. She was playing ping pong, and had her back to us, when someone introduced us she kinda did a little half turn and gave a nervous smile and a wave, I still remember every detail of that smile.
I looked at her and thought that this girl, let call her Shay, was gonna be different, and that I was gonna like her... a lot. I was right. It was a bit awkward between us at first, but we played truth and dare, we all ran into walls playing murder in the dark, and it was really hard for anyone to wipe the smiles of their faces. That was one of the best nights of my life, one of the happiest before it all went wrong.
Me and my best friend have a lot in common, and sometimes it can be a little scary, but it turns out that one thing we share, is our taste in girls. A few nights later he textd me and told me that he liked her, it kinda sucked because that's pretty much exactly what id been thinking since the night we met. I didn’t tell him I liked her too, I just thought it was the right thing to do.
He asked her out. She said yes. But then she told that she was scared that it was all moving too fast and they decided to build a friendship before they went out. That's what happened; we both started getting closer and closer to this girl, neither of them knowing that I liked her. Until one day. I gave Jack the password to my MySpace account because at the time my internet connection was really slow, so he said he'd upload any photos I wanted, I trusted him with it and I never thought anything else.
Turns out he'd been reading my messages between friends, my private messages. I'd recently had a discussion with another friend about my little crush and so now he knew. I should have been more upset but I was kinda a little relieved that we'd avoided having a pretty awkward conversation. But there was more to it than that, he'd gone completely nuts at the person who I'd been talking to, because she hadn't told him, OK he's not the greatest guy in the world, but he had a lotta good things going for him.
In the time we'd had, Shay had got to know me pretty well, and she knew when something was on my mind, and I made the mistake of talking to her when I was thinking about how much I like her, so I figured I'd go all out and tell her I like her. She's a nice girl, and she didn't wanna hurt either of us, so she said she wasn't gonna pick, I wish she had, a lot of hurt could have been avoided.
As the months went on we both got closer and closer to her, which was only making everything going on hurt a lot more. Me and Jack decided to make a promise, we wouldn't true and come onto her or make a move, she didn't need that kinda extra pressure. That lasted about two weeks, Jack tried to kiss her, he broke the promise, and it hurt a lot. She didn't let him, and things kept going on as 'normal' all of use pretending that nothing was happening.
The something happened that I thought was a changing point in me and Shay's relationship. I spent the night at her house, we talked for most of the night, but we'd been gradually getting closer to each other all night, and we ended up laying in each others arms, holding each other as tight as we wanted to, and we got close, really close. So close our lips ended up touching, not a kiss, but it could have been if someone had acted on it. I didn't because I was scared, and I'm guessing she just didn’t' want to. But I thought it meant something, I was wrong.
She told me the whole night had been a mistake and that it should never have happened and she'd been stupid for letting it, that's the kinda thing that's gonna hurt, a lot. But we went along, pretending that nothing happened, and it was fine.
A lot happened between then and now, a lot I'm not ready to talk about, maybe I'll write about it later. But something major happened, well two somethings really.
The first major something was that she picked Jack. kind just straight out said I like him better, After six months of being led on, that's not really what you wanna hear, but I got by, I knew my friends would help me through, and that I'd get over her eventually, I just gave myself some space. I didn't see either of them for a while, I spent the day after with one of my best friends, playing Pictionary and hugging. And I just kinda avoided her for a bit. Then things really started going wrong.
I told her a lie as to why I couldn't see her one time, I didn't wanna tell her the truth because I knew she'd get hurt. But as it does, the truth got back to her, and it did hurt her, and I was stupid for doing it, but I apologised and told her the truth and she got it.
Then the second major something happened, we finally hung out together, but she was nothing like the girl I knew. She wouldn't talk to me, hell; she wouldn't even look at me. Things had changed, not matter how hard I tried they changed, and it sucks. We had a massive fight that night, leaving the both us crying and feeling alone, even though I was surrounded by my closest friends. She said things that she knew would bring me to my knees, and break my heart into rubble, and she didn't hold back.
That's pretty much the story of what happened between me and the first girl I let myself love. We haven't talked much since then, only to ask for our stuff back, and to tell each other that we're hurting. So we're gonna give each other everything back, but I don't want it to end like this, so I asked her to keep Cin, a tiny little plush elephant I've had since I was three. Maybe I'll never see her again, maybe I will. All I know is that I miss her... a lot. And that's what hurts the most, missing someone that you don't wanna see for quite a while.