I lack social skills.
Every weekend my Mom says “why don’t you invite one of your friends over”. I’ll say ok and never call them or e-mail them. I don’t feel comfortable asking some of them. There busy, and for some reason whenever I e-mail them they don’t respond until after the day I have asked them to come over has passed. At lunch they normally talk about something I have no knowledge of, like what happened in there friggen “advanced math” class and how easy it is, when I can hardly figure out my lower level math, I’m sure that makes me feel genius. Or they talk about books I have never read. Or they gossip, I don’t like to get into that stuff. Sometimes I’ll try to start a conversation, I’ll ask something “what music have you been listening to” and they will brush it off “oh nothing”, “I don’t know just music”. And start talking about something I don’t know anything about. Sometimes I try to join in with there conversation, but they normally answer my questions with “I don’t know” or ignore me. Sometimes they all go to study during lunch and don’t tell me, then I end up sitting alone.
Yesterday my mom asked to talk to my therapist (yes I have a therapist, a lot of people do, have you ever noticed how much therapists there are and so few people who see any, hmm maybe people just PRETEND they don’t see one) I’m guessing she said something like “Jenna isn’t popular and doesn’t like to socialize with people a lot” because as soon as I walked in she starting talking about how I don’t have a lot of close friends. She told me I should just listen to what they where talking about and ask questions. She also told me I won’t find the perfect group of people. I told her I don’t really want to have to pretend to have interests I don’t have and that I want my friends to like me for my own interests and if they don’t then I don’t get how that’s a good friend.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t try to be mean our do anything that makes people not want to be around me, if I do something like that I don’t mean to insult anyone and I’m just not thinking. I am aware of the fact that I’m different from them but it’s not one of those groups where everyone is the same. If I have to conform to have friends then I don’t want friends. I wish people would like me for who I am. Everyone tells me that high school will be better, I think it will be worse. I’m worried my friends will stop hanging out with me and find smarter, more social, better friends then me. I’m not good at talking to people I don’t know. Every time I meet someone “nice” at a camp or something they always end up being jerks. I’d just rather be alone. I’m normally happier doing stuff independently or just fantasizing about having friends then actually hanging out with people.
One thing I need to say is my peers are not mean, they don’t tell me to go away or insult me. They just don’t always include me as much as they include a lot of the other people. I’m not the loner who sits alone and doesn’t talk to anyone. There are a few kids I talk to a lot. But most of them don’t seem to want to include me. Not everyone is like that. I’m not writing this to insult my peers or anything, I’m just trying to get these thoughts out of my head and see if anyone has the same issues or any advice. I feel bad for writing this now.
Yesterday my mom asked to talk to my therapist (yes I have a therapist, a lot of people do, have you ever noticed how much therapists there are and so few people who see any, hmm maybe people just PRETEND they don’t see one) I’m guessing she said something like “Jenna isn’t popular and doesn’t like to socialize with people a lot” because as soon as I walked in she starting talking about how I don’t have a lot of close friends. She told me I should just listen to what they where talking about and ask questions. She also told me I won’t find the perfect group of people. I told her I don’t really want to have to pretend to have interests I don’t have and that I want my friends to like me for my own interests and if they don’t then I don’t get how that’s a good friend.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t try to be mean our do anything that makes people not want to be around me, if I do something like that I don’t mean to insult anyone and I’m just not thinking. I am aware of the fact that I’m different from them but it’s not one of those groups where everyone is the same. If I have to conform to have friends then I don’t want friends. I wish people would like me for who I am. Everyone tells me that high school will be better, I think it will be worse. I’m worried my friends will stop hanging out with me and find smarter, more social, better friends then me. I’m not good at talking to people I don’t know. Every time I meet someone “nice” at a camp or something they always end up being jerks. I’d just rather be alone. I’m normally happier doing stuff independently or just fantasizing about having friends then actually hanging out with people.
One thing I need to say is my peers are not mean, they don’t tell me to go away or insult me. They just don’t always include me as much as they include a lot of the other people. I’m not the loner who sits alone and doesn’t talk to anyone. There are a few kids I talk to a lot. But most of them don’t seem to want to include me. Not everyone is like that. I’m not writing this to insult my peers or anything, I’m just trying to get these thoughts out of my head and see if anyone has the same issues or any advice. I feel bad for writing this now.
Don't feel bad. I have social anxiety (I lack social skills too!!). I also see a therapist, it's not that bad. I remember making the transition into high school. It's a little weird at first. But there are positives to it too. U will met new and more exciting people that share ur interests. At the same time, u can keep all ur old friends too. Things will get better. U'll see. Just remember u have a ton of people here at GSB to talk to too. If u ever need to, PM me. We're all here for u!!
Barney Stinson, January 20th, 2008 at 03:45:00pm
Ah. I lack many skills, but socially I really am terrible. I suggest that you try to get to know more people, so you can always have a chance to talk to someone. Thats what really worked for me; now I just can't stop talking! I even talk to strangers... o.O not saying you have to go THAT far, but it never hurts to make friendly small talk. And who knows, you might meet some pretty interesting people!
What the therapist said is very proffessional. I also have one, I don't go to her very often anymore, but she really helped me find some good conversation starters.
xmObscenex, January 20th, 2008 at 02:23:12am
High school WILL be better. They might find "smarter, more social, better friends", as you put it, but you'll find real friends who want to be around you. There's a lot more people at school, which makes it much more likely for you to find people who share your interests and stuff.
Honestly, when I look back to my "social life" before high school, I think, "wow, my friends were jerks".
Macfadyen, January 20th, 2008 at 12:02:19am
that's how i am too.
if i try talking to someone who seems kind of ok at school, they don't care as much to talk to me since they have better friends. or i'll say something dumb or not be able to think of anything to say to them even if i want to. most people think i'm weird. (i'm in 10th grade. o_o)
i don't really like working in groups or hanging out with a bunch of people. i feel ignored a lot and i never really know what to do in those situations.
my mom worries since i only have 2 or 3 close friends. o.O
anyway, don't change just so other people talk to you. then you should know it's not worth it. that's what i believe.
but if you would like to talk to me, you can pm me. :] *hugs*
because i feel the exact same as you.
Kr!sta's Inferno, January 19th, 2008 at 05:41:40pm
Ive only got one friend Im comfrtable with asking to come over...-shrug-
Don't ge up. Hgh school prolly WILL be better. And if your friends DO leave you? They werent really your friends. Go out of your way to be friendly with everyone, and your bound to find people who share your interests...
banquo, January 19th, 2008 at 02:45:51am
You don't really know what will happen in the future, but don't give up. I think you'll find people in high school that you'll fit in with more & you'll be able to talk to them. Have you tried joining clubs or something? It's good to meet new people. Just be who you are and some friends will find you. =)
threeam., January 18th, 2008 at 08:15:25pm
I'm very much the same, although me and my friends usually talk just fine. I just can't really be bothered getting out and doing stuff.
ZootSuitRiot, January 18th, 2008 at 07:45:06pm
=\ don't feel bad.
i'm very simliar. although I talk to my friends..but that's it.
I'm totally anti-social and I never get out and do anything.
i barely talk to my sisters, my parents, or anyone else for that matter.
I really want too..but I just can't. i never know what to say. i really hate it.
don't feel bad. try your hardest to get out there and meet new people.
*hugs* I'm here to talk if you want
Bubble Wrap., January 18th, 2008 at 06:39:16pm