I've turned into something I never wanted to be.

Ever since my dad died I hit a patch in my life where I hit self destruct. Nothing mattered to me until I found my girlfriend at a young age, she was my rock who managed to keep me sane or at least a little better. In time we broke up after I found out she was pregnant and proposed- to show her I wouldn't run away from this like I had been doing my whole life. She aborted the baby.

After a few one night stands she told me she was pregnant again and that I was the father. I didn't know if I was happy or sad in case the same thing happened again, but I promised her and myself that this time I would do the right thing. Soon realizing that baby things were expensive i took on a few different jobs, but it wasn't enough money so I started selling drugs. Heroin, Cocaine, LSD, Dope, Dehidrocedines. Anything and everything I could get my hands on. Then on Friday night I got into a fight with a local pakistani man. I admit I was racist and I have my reasons for not liking them but that's a different story, he was just as guilty as me. I got arrested for Actual Body Harm and being drunk and disorderly - but someone tipped the police off that I was using class A drugs and was selling them. They raided my girlfriends flat while she was out, she wasn't mad at me because she knew why I was doing it. I just wish I hadn't.

After spending the weekend in jail Missand from here, bailed me out. We had breakfast in a cafe and had a very long and serious chat then I went to get myself a lawyer which I can't afford. He told me for the ABH alone I could face up to 7 years in prison since it was racially motivated.


ABH- 7 years
Drunken Disorderly- 18 months
Possession of a class A drug- 7 years
Possession of a class B drug- 5 years
Possession of a class C drug- 2 years

Intent to supply any of the above drugs - Life inprisonment.

So when i'm sentenced to god knows how many years, I may never come out. I'll never see my baby grow up and that's the hardest thing I've ever had to face in my life and I'll be honest. I'm scared. What kind of life is that for a kid, to not have a dad about because he's locked away inside. So I have to make a decision, to give my girlfriend the money for an abortion. They both don't deserve it.
Posted on May 5th, 2008 at 03:08pm

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