I'm staring to go against everything I've ever learned

So just like my title says, I'm staring to rethink everything that I've ever been taught in my life. The people I start trust, the people I spend my time with, and people I think deserve my time. If you know me, you know I don't trust a lot, if at all.

The people I trust, their personalities almost seem fake now, corrupted by other people or drugs or alcohol, the people I've told my past history and my addictions too when I really didn't have a reason to be addicted, I just was. They're starting to judge and they're starting to scare me with how much they've changed and how big of a hypocrite I've become. I've been taught since the beginning of school to believe in myself and if you try your hardest you will succeed.


I've been trying all year to get the best grades, be the best person I can be, be the greatest daughter, sister, friend, loved one, that I can be. But I've stopped that, I've decided to just be me, and the people I've lost are starting to grow more and more because of my real thoughts and my real personality.

I've become tired of hiding all of my emotions, and replace them with a smile and get on with life. My anger is growing, my hatred for human race is growing, and I feel almost dead because my emotionless acting is becoming part of me.

For most who know me, you know I can get angry but that wasn't half of what I think or feel, I almost feel the need to become a permantly angry person and give up on life and accept that you'll only get through in life if you're a genius or a prom queen beauty. All the middlemen are screwed in life, following a routine that makes us miserable and eventually crazy.

Now I know I'm ranting a lot in my past blogs but realize that humans are not even close to the animal kingdom in cruelty, they kill, they eat, they die, they're done. Humans, we ruin, we kill, we lie, we laugh, we live, we eat, we love, we die. Now sometimes that doesn't so bad but think of all of the people committing suicide, now there's a reason people do that, it's not just useless.

It's people, people cause all the problems of the world. All the people you trust can break you in an instant, they can lie and cheat and ruin.

And my friends wonder why I don't trust.

The people I honestly trust can break me instantly, I know they can, and they have before, they've made me the way I am, the reason I'm so hateful but still hide it for my family's sake and my friend's sake that have stayed faithful to me through the years that I've thrown into a garbage bin like a rag doll, thinking I can pick them up again and we can be friends again but instead I've just killed a Mockingbird.

Posted on June 28th, 2008 at 04:01pm


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