"I tried hard to have a father but instead I had a dad"

It's some time past 1 am. Your two eldest children are out doing things that you wouldn't be too fond of knowing while you sleep. You're living a life mostly content though I can't be too sure how it is through your prospective. I think mom carries all the worries for you. When it comes to your children, you know nothing a real father would.
How many times have you neglected us? Especially mom? It's as if you led two seperate lives. Your family and your confidantes. Your family is your wife and children while your confidantes are your friends and the family you had before marriage. I remember back in Pakistan you were almost never there. You had Api and mom cater to you and your friends needs ("make us tea! clean up this table!" ) and those aren't fond memories to have of a father at the age of 4. Whenever we went to Hyderabad to visit your past family, I see you being buttered up by them and complimented. You may believe it's your natural charm but it is your weakness. You don't know yourself enough to know that when they do this they know they will be rewarded. All your confidantes do. This is the core difference between the two groups. Your family would never do this to you, yet your confidantes do it shamelessly. All the money you spent... back in those days the paycheck would be split in two. One half goes to mom to support the kids and the house while the other half was spent by you on whatever. Mom made so many sacrifices because of that. She could've worn better clothes but instead she used that budget to put us in a good private school. I hope you feel guilty about how horrible you made mom's life while you're in hell.
I remember this Father's Day you told me I'm a lot like you. I act the same way you did at my age. I will try my hardest to prove this statement false by making sure I don't copy your weaknesses. I wish your genetics and DNA are not copied in mine. Nothing. To be known as your daughter is hard enough. I don't feel like your daughter. I feel as if I'm your offspring that you have to go to work every weekday for so she can survive.
My fondest memories involving you is going to the park every Sunday. This was the time we spent. Knowing you reserved that time for your kids (after your tv show) made me happy. Though those are the fondest, my strongest are of you with your friend in the patio puking your lungs out on the plants I had saved up my allowance to get. Those plants died and so did my respect for you.
I hate when you drink with your friends.

You lie to me, you neglected me, you don't care about me. I'm just a mistake that ended up not being so bad. Though you love Karam and Api more and I'm just a nuisance, I have mom. And I have Api. I don't need you and you can walk away from my life like you've always wanted. All I ask in return is that you let me walk away from yours. Please don't praise me to your friends. I know you don't care.

All my life I've tried to make you proud. Now I just don't care.

Posted on August 23rd, 2008 at 03:56am


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