And just when I thought...

... that I might actually have friends at school; that somebody in that stupid building might actually like me and that I might actually WANT to stay in that stupid building for 3 more years... They go and pull this crap.

Yeah, I've made quite a few blogs about my crappy freshman year. I deleted them because I realized I was just moping; not without reason, but still.

But now I've actually found solid proof that I have no high school friends. Now I actually have proof that my worries aren't just that. I know they don't like me, and that just makes it worse.

Okay I'll actually tell you what I'm talking about now...

I was at my "friend's" birthday party with about 6 other girls. I suppose some of them might like me a little... Even if they never actually talked to me. I pretty much just joined in conversations with one line and then backed out, seeing as they didn't want me in it anyway.

I thought, "Well, you know, you're not the most outgoing person" so I just dismissed it. Then, later that night when everybody except me and two other girls were asleep, I heard the two (let's call them E and M) talking.
M: Hey, Laura used to go to the same school as the twins, right?
E: Yeah. Why?
M: I dunno, I just wondered. Hey, did you notice she's a bit pushy?
E: Yeah, I mean, she's the smallest and she has the couch while I have the chair.
M: I know!
E: Yeah, and after I left in 6th grade, she just moved into my group of friends and now it's all awkward. I mean, she just went in with them when I left.
M: Ouch.
E: Yeah, and now she's doing the same thing as a freshman. She's hanging out with us because I'm in this group and she wants to hang out with my friends.

WHAT?! I couldn't believe it. The girls who I thought were my friends... The people who actually made this crappy year worth it before... The people who I thought liked me. They think I'm pushy? They don't like me? Who did they think they were. I could pick out several things wrong with that conversation.

Did you notice she's a bit pushy?
If she means how I try to get my input in conversations, that's because I'd like to actually TALK during a party. And if you won't talk to me, I'm going to at least try to talk to you. I didn't think I was being pushy; I jsut wanted you to include me.

She's the smallest and she has the couch while I have the chair.
I FRICKIN OFFERED YOU THE COUCH! Jeebus, did you not hear me? I quoteth myself: "Hey, anybody else want the couch? I jsut sorta ended up over here."
Quoteth everybody else: "Nah, we're good."
>.<" Honestly...

Yeah, and after I left in 6th grade, she just moved into my group of friends and now it's all awkward. I mean, she just went in with them when I left
EXCUSE ME?! You weren't ever THERE during those two years. I didn't 'move in on your turf' or anything. I got to know 'your friends' gradually. They're some of my best friends now! You hardly talk to them anymore! What's your problem?! And even if you hadn't left, isn't it okay to let your friends be friends with someone else?

Yeah, and now she's doing the same thing as a freshman. She's hanging out with us because I'm in this group and she wants to hang out with my friends.
WHAT?! I didn't even know you knew them as well as I did! Hellz, I didn't even know you were invited to this party until your mom offered to give me a ride! I didn't 'join the group' because you were in it. I didn't even know we were a 'group'. I hate cliques! And to say I'm in one is just... Aaah.

So the people I thought were friends turned out to be major... Well I won't say it but I think you get it. Why did they do this to me? I thought they liked me... I thought that for once this year I had some friends in this stupid school. I guess I was wrong.

It's not even that they thought I was pushy, or that I 'stole' E's friends. Just the fact that these were my friends saying this... It really hurt.

Well, thanks for reading. Any advice on how to handle this would be great.
Posted on November 24th, 2008 at 12:16pm

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