11:11 wishes,

i really do have everything i need to be happy,
but i have a few more requests to make it all perfect.
sitting in my room thinking about the future tonight,
made me want it to all be here right now.

i wish... i could be 18 already.
i wish... i could make my own decisions.
i wish... i could at least be accepted by everyone around me right now.
i wish... certain authority figures would understand where i'm coming from.
i wish... i knew what to say to make everything okay.
i wish... that i could scream to the world how amazing my heart feels.
i wish... that i could stop things from happening, so i could see people everyday.
i wish... that i could be stronger and stand up for myself more than i already have.
i wish... i knew that my life career would be in music, and very successful.
i wish... that i could go to home depot and build the most amazing time machine ever.
i wish... that all the tears i cry from now on are as happy as the ones i have cried the past 3 nights.
i wish... that my parents don't see this and don't kill me for it.

like i said, i have my everything that i need to be happy.
these are only a few requests that i hope to fulfill in the next year or two.
i swear i will do anything and everything i can to.
this is so so worth it. (:

i'd swim the ocean for you.


the reason this is so vague, is because i put it into my myspace blog.
if my parents saw it and actually understood what it was about,
things would be a living hell again for at least a week.
they still nag on me about it everyday subconsciously.

what i'm speaking of is my love for this girl<3

she is what i state as my everything.
those "certain authority figures" are my parents.

now to explain some of these wishes;

my heart right now feels so incredible,
because i am so sure that i have found the person i want to spend the rest of my life with.
it is so so so hard, not telling everyone everywhere how great it really is!
but somehow, keeping it closer to the inside makes it so much more overwhelming.
it's like the most amazing feeling ever, and right now it is just kept in between her and i,
and it makes the butterflies a million times better.
but at the same time not being at her side makes my heart so much heavier,
because i know it will be awhile before i hold her again, because it is so hard to be alone when my parents, the controlling figures in my life, hate when we're together.

two of the most important people to me, my best guy friend and my girlfriend,
did something really stupid at school and have AEP for two weeks when we get back from christmas break.
the sad thing is, i was almost involved in it. i was closer than anyone believes.
it tears me apart that i could have stopped them somehow,
if i had said that i didn't like it, and didn't agree with it.
she said that if i didn't want her to do it, for me to tell her, and she wouldn't.
but i was dumb, thought they wouldn't get caught, and said go ahead.
i should have made my guy friend shut up when he wouldn't stop talking about it in class.
now i can't see them at all except for after school for like 10 minutes.

i want to know my career for sure,
because i want to be able to get out of this town as soon as possible.
i want to know i'll have the money to support us.
i'm already going to start saving and spending less.
if my parents won't accept me here, then i'm just getting away with her. (:

the past three nights, we've been talking about our future together so much,
and i've been listening to all of our songs,
and just crying the happiest tears ever, thinking about how real this truely is,
and how lucky i am to finally have someone this amazing, beautiful, and perfect in every way that i know i can trust.
and remembering the time when i thought it was just a hopeless crush,
and comparing it to how things are now. god...
i have never ever been this close to someone, or this positive about anything before.
i know with all of my heart that this is for the rest of my life.
i know with all of my heart that every second is worth it. worth everything<3

if you looked at our ages, you would not believe when we say forever.
and i don't really expect you to believe it, because it is just that wonderful.
but just trust me, if you could see into our hearts, and know what we're feeling,
you would believe every single word i'm saying.

this just might be the longest blog i've ever written,
and like everything else i blog about, it kinda seems like i'm rambling.
if you read all of this, it means so so much to me i swear.
i really needed to just spill all of what i'm feeling somewhere.
i figured you of all people would understand my greatest dreams.

ramble ramble ramble.
and now the butterflies take over again (:
Posted on December 31st, 2008 at 03:18am


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