I didn't know how much he loved me...

I didn't know.
I didn't mean to hurt him.
I didn't think it hurt him.
I thought he knew I was kidding.
I didn't think he cared.

His name is Noah.

I didn't know he loved me.

I told him I had a crush on his best friend. I didnt know it hurt him. I hadn't been thinking straight. He told me he loved me last year. he didn't use "crush" or "like" he used full on LOVE. Just a while ago made it a year. I told him I liked his best friend, and he was SO upset. He didnt't show it, but I could tell by how he acted.

Noah told Josh

I told him I would never talk to him again

The boy I like is Josh...

Josh a year older than me...This all goes back to one of my old blogs... He told a boy who made fun of me and the grade above me EXPLODED. I never had been so mad at Noah for telling the Josh.

One thing led to another and we made up

It was reccess time and I was trying to get a friend to come over, Noah was fustrated so he said "Okay then" and walk away. Making fun of what I said before, I said "walk away and I will never talk to you again!"

I was only kidding.

Noah still kept walking and then he froze.

"I don't care anymore" he said...

Well that was before, and now its today.

He still looks at me the same way, and he still smiles at me... I never had any feelings about him...Till now...

I feel bad for what I did, And everytime I try to talk to him he walks away from me...

Lets cut to the chase.

I was always "different" and Noah accepted that. I never have been very attractive. And he didn't care. Noah and I were never what you would call "hot" or "cute" but we both didn't care. Now, I can't decide if I like him or not...and right now I want love so bad...I just not sure if "love" is Noah for me. I like a boy Jacob so much, so much it hurts me that hes a bully...I wish I didn't like Jacob. I really didn't... But thats for one of my other pathetic blogs... Love isnt Jacob, In my heart it is, saying it is. But my mind screams a big fat stupid NO. My heart has mixed feelings about Noah though...And my mind screams one of the most uglyest YES!!-es ive even known.. I don't wanna like either of them... In my other blog I don't even want to like that guy, I just want somone I like to barge in and say "Im the one" I want to find love....

But I don't know who "Love" is...

Now I don't even like josh... im not even sure thats his name

Noah still hates me, and if anything gets better, I will make my fist happy blog.

Posted on January 1st, 2010 at 10:52pm


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