My Father's insecurities with his daughter and her boyfriend.

I get this all the time, people telling me, "he's just being protective because you are his daughter". Fair enough, i can accept that, and i am no way in his position or ever will be, however, when you have been in a relationship with a boy (let's call him Jack for now) that you are completely in love with for two and a half years, perhaps my father needs to....i don't know, lighten up? Or perhaps harden up?

You see, my father has no problem against Jack, in fact, my father has been doing his best at hardly conversing with him...he doesn't know anything about him. He doesn't know how long we have been going out for, his full name, where he lives or what he does...hell, the first thing that my father asked about him was, "is he like us, Italian?"

And its not as though Jack hasn't tried to talk to him, or get along, because he has. And we are finding out that this is going to be evident in our relationship for a long time, so we accept it, and have pushed my father out of the picture, and figured that he doesn't want to care, so neither should we.

And I never lie about where i go, what i do, or who i see. Never. And my father always has his doubts about this, and says rather mean things to me, like once, i recall him saying something along the lines as i headed out the door to go into the city, "if you do something you're not supposed to, ill give your life hell"....huh? wah? Clearly, he doesn't have that trust in me, which, i was unaware that i broke somewhere along the lines...

My mum on the other hand, she loves Jack, and always comments on how he is such a nice boy, smart, clean and all of the rigmarole, so she is fine whenever i go to his house or any place with him, but my father on the other hand, he gets really annoyed, and makes me feel guilty anytime i grab my bag and let him know, "hey dad, im going over to Jack's, ill be home after dinner". Ive been with this boy for so long now, and he tries to make me feel bad for seeing him? Huh?

I don't see my father's forced guilt onto me stopping at any time, or his views ever changing, and i finally adapted to not, how do you say, "giving a shit" anymore. His guilt no longer affected me, and even though it took me a while, he no longer makes me feel upset or angry.

However it has gotten to that point of my relationship with Jack that we're having great ideas of traveling...however, traveling for myself is quite difficult when my father throws a tantrum when i sleep over a friends house...let alone go somewhere far away....with my boyfriend....for a couple of nights...with no 'parental supervision'...

So what did i do? I planned a weekend away with Jack to a place a couple hours south. I told my dad where i was planning to go, and that it was just Jack and I. Throughout this whole thing, my mum has been very supportive, and she is quite fine for me to go because she knows Jack, and she likes him and trusts his judgments and ideas. However, my father doesn't even know him.

So when my dad started throwing a tantrum, what did i say? I basically told him that it was his fault for not getting to know him, and that his insecurities are his own fault. Also that being out of high school, and actually being in such a long relationship, we should be able to spend time with each other outside the home, away from watching movies all night....its been done before so much, and we want to do something more.

My dad reacted badly and hurt my feelings. I'm going away with jack on the 16th, and i am going with full confidence and happiness.I typed this out because i wanted to know what your suggestions are. Am i being stuck up? Should i listen to my dad? Am i being rude?

I don't know. Its been annoying me for some time, so i though i would throw this one at GSB for some help. What do you think of the situation that im in?
Posted on September 10th, 2010 at 08:38am

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