Abusive Siblings

I died without a name:

you should call the cops or something

To be honest, that's a ridiculous thing to say.

You can't just say "Hello police, my brother's hitting me." They will laugh, hang up, and tell you to tell your mommy. Thirty years ago, that's how they dealt with wife-beaters. But seeing how many people responded to this topic with situations like mine, I'm guessing there's going to be more care for sibling abuse as well in the future. I've never heard of any hotlines or anything for it though.

And Lucifer's Angel, are ADHD patients violent by nature? Because if so (I really don't know), then he kind of has a reason. Can't blame a kid for having a disorder. But isn't he on medication or something?

lyrical_mess:

You can't just say "Hello police, my brother's hitting me." They will laugh, hang up, and tell you to tell your mommy. Thirty years ago, that's how they dealt with wife-beaters. But seeing how many people responded to this topic with situations like mine, I'm guessing there's going to be more care for sibling abuse as well in the future. I've never heard of any hotlines or anything for it though.

And Lucifer's Angel, are ADHD patients violent by nature? Because if so (I really don't know), then he kind of has a reason. Can't blame a kid for having a disorder. But isn't he on medication or something?

yeah ADHD children can be violent by nature but it can also show its self various other ways, yes he is on medication, he takes 3 differant tablets.

lyrical_mess:

You can't just say "Hello police, my brother's hitting me." They will laugh, hang up, and tell you to tell your mommy. Thirty years ago, that's how they dealt with wife-beaters. But seeing how many people responded to this topic with situations like mine, I'm guessing there's going to be more care for sibling abuse as well in the future. I've never heard of any hotlines or anything for it though.

And Lucifer's Angel, are ADHD patients violent by nature? Because if so (I really don't know), then he kind of has a reason. Can't blame a kid for having a disorder. But isn't he on medication or something?

Yeah, because so many people don't actually realise how bad my brother is, because he's really popular and he's really nice to everyone. It's just when he's home that he's a fucktard.

Besides, people just think it's sibling rivalry and petty fights, but I've had so many injuries from him. Nothing serious or anything, cos if it was my parents would have thrown him out, but it's come close a few times.

Example: I was on crutches cos I dislocated my knee, and I was standing up (this was the day I first got my leg strapped up) and he came up behind me and kicked my crutches out from under me and had a good old laugh.

I mean, I admit it was funny, but only cos I didn't get hurt that much cos I grabbed onto the table, but he didn't know that, and he did it with bad intent.

I dunno.

Me and my borther tend to fight and yell at eachother all the time, but I know that if he wasnt here or if something happened to him I would be desperate. I love him very much and maybe I dont show it as much as I should be I know he knows it and I know he likes me too.

I feel sad when I see or hear about siblings that dont talk to each other or cant stand each other. I knew this girl from my school and she never talked to her brother, but that didnt even bother her. I couldnt understand that. But if you have a brother or a sister and she is abusing you then I can get why would someone hate his sibling. Frequent fighting and screaming isnt ok, but if you get badly hurt then there is something really wrong. I pushed my brother once and he hit his head and he needed to go to the hospital. I was just a kid and we were playing and it wasnt on purpose, I remember crying and saying how I was sorry all day, but if something like that happens to someone cause his sibling did it on purpose then that one should ask for help. Talking to your parents could help, but if it doesnt, talking to someone else that can stop it would be necessery. Its bad to just let it stay that way and do nothing about it.

It's hard. Because I don't want my brother to get in trouble. I'm scared when he gets hurt. He fell of his scooter and screwed up his face, I cried. My dad yells at him, I go into my room and pray that it doesn't escalate. He doesn't care. I have a loose kneecap, he frequently tries to kick it. He pulls my hair. Today, even. I was about to call my music teacher and tell him I couldn't make it to the recital. My brother stops me and goes "No." and wouldn't let me call and told me that I'd be of no use at the school thingy because I suck at public speaking. He constantly does everything he can to make me do things his way and prove that he's better.

My brother can and will be abusive if something doesn't go his way. Other times, he can be the coolest person ever. I can remember being little and when we'd buy those stupid pokémon cards we used to collect, if I got a card he wanted, he would yell and whine at me until I was forced to give it up to him because it eventually would turn physical. There was one occassion I got a card he wanted, he beat me up and took it from me. Mum was infuriated at him for it, but couldn't get the card back from him.
Eventually, we (well, I) grew out collecting them and gave them all to him because when I'd get into something different, he'd follow and it'd be the same story all over.
Then it went to video games. If I got something he wanted, it was the same like the time my dad bought me the PS2 when it first came out, I stood up to his bitching and complaining about him wanting me to give it to him because "It wasn't fair" even though we were supposed to share it anyway. The final (physical) abuse I recieved from him, was when his friend gave me an old CD player he didn't use anymore and demanded it back. My brother chased me down the hallway, pinned me to the floor and kept punching me. Mum got him off me and slapped the shit out of him.
There are other times, even now, when he gets angry at my dad and targets me as an enemy just because I live with dad now. I think he feels like I abandoned him because he was always closer to me than our older sister. The last time he got mad at my dad, he took MY bike to the backyard, my brand new bike and trashed it. Stole the seat off of it, cut the brake cables and left it in pieces in the backyard. He also took a picture of me from back in school and scribbled "Dyke" all over it because that's what kids in school used to call me for having short hair. That really hurt.

I mean, he isn't like that all the time, but sometimes, it's so ridiculous I don't even know. There's other times when we're inseperable. We'd play two player on some of his games, or get out a playing card deck and play poker or just sit around and bullshit.

I just think that going to your parents about it, depending on the severity, they should ensure something gets done. I know not in all case, will a parent do something. And that's not your fault, it's theirs. It's best to just try and talk to them, explain everything and if nothing gets accomplished by it, then do what is inecessary, even if it means calling the cops if it's THAT bad.

Bayside.:

my brother paraysied (sp) my back once for a few days, threw me into a bin and we punched each other many a time, but doesnt everyone do stuff like that? i dont think kids fighting with each other is abuse unless its really endangering your life.

You say that, but if you got punched by a boyfriend or whatever, it would be abuse.

Why not if it's your brother or sister? I mean yeah, younger kids fight and no harm really comes from it, but most of the brothers or sisters (mostly brothers though) are older than us, and we're in our teens so they're a lot stronger and can do a lot of damage. It's past the point of kids fighting because we're not really kids anymore. My brother's 20 this year, and I'm 17, it's not kids fighting when it's that age, is it?

lyrical_mess:

Anji, I get what you're saying. No matter how much my brother ejhekgjhekjg-ifies me, he gets angry and moody at times. I saw him cry a few times. I seen my parents yell at him for doing something incredibly stupid and I've seen them all fight.

And each time, it's like "I hope he doesn't get into too much trouble." and I feel awful when I see him cry. I don't even want him to suffer. I just want it to stop and I want him to acknowledge what he's done and apologize.

It's most annoying though, that my parents compare my lack of accmplishment to my sister's obsession with accomplishment. My sister was in the highest Maths set, and I'm in the second highest. She got better scores in gymnastics than I did when I did gymnastics. Her GCSE results look more promising than mine were. Like, seriously, we aren't in the same Year, we were never in the same level of gymneastics, and they leave out everything I've accomplished as well. I am supposedly the best flortist in this city, nobody seems to care. I've done more sports in the last five years than she has done and will ever do in her entire life (the only sport she's ever been good at was gymnastics). I am the skinny one. But, then again, she's the prettier one.

The one quality which is the reason why I'm always being picked on is the fact that I'm a complete door mat when it comes down to anything personal. I have low self esteem and I am totally manipulable. I let my sister do, have, take anything from me. She punches me, kicks me, hits me, bites me, and I get bruises and all, but I don't do a thing because she's the prettier, more accomplished, second daughter whereas I'm the oldest and the guinea pig that my parents experimented with and screwed up on. So I'm a push over.

But nothing my sister does is ever abuse. She can kick me till I bleed and punch me till I scream, but I know she loves me. My family just has a weird way of expressing this emotion.

Anji:

lyrical_mess:

Anji, I get what you're saying. No matter how much my brother ejhekgjhekjg-ifies me, he gets angry and moody at times. I saw him cry a few times. I seen my parents yell at him for doing something incredibly stupid and I've seen them all fight.

And each time, it's like "I hope he doesn't get into too much trouble." and I feel awful when I see him cry. I don't even want him to suffer. I just want it to stop and I want him to acknowledge what he's done and apologize.

It's most annoying though, that my parents compare my lack of accmplishment to my sister's obsession with accomplishment. My sister was in the highest Maths set, and I'm in the second highest. She got better scores in gymnastics than I did when I did gymnastics. Her GCSE results look more promising than mine were. Like, seriously, we aren't in the same Year, we were never in the same level of gymneastics, and they leave out everything I've accomplished as well. I am supposedly the best flortist in this city, nobody seems to care. I've done more sports in the last five years than she has done and will ever do in her entire life (the only sport she's ever been good at was gymnastics). I am the skinny one. But, then again, she's the prettier one.

The one quality which is the reason why I'm always being picked on is the fact that I'm a complete door mat when it comes down to anything personal. I have low self esteem and I am totally manipulable. I let my sister do, have, take anything from me. She punches me, kicks me, hits me, bites me, and I get bruises and all, but I don't do a thing because she's the prettier, more accomplished, second daughter whereas I'm the oldest and the guinea pig that my parents experimented with and screwed up on. So I'm a push over.

But nothing my sister does is ever abuse. She can kick me till I bleed and punch me till I scream, but I know she loves me. My family just has a weird way of expressing this emotion.

Sorry but I don't see how that is any different to a woman who has an abusive boyfriend. "Oh but he loves me," yeah, but you're still getting hurt.

Still if you're ok with it then I guess it's up to you.

I don't get why people thinks brothers and sisters should be allowed to hit each other. Parents can't hit their kids, couples can't hit each other, randomers can't hit each other, but brothers and sisters can.

It makes NO sense.

Flaming Phalanges!:

Anji:

But nothing my sister does is ever abuse. She can kick me till I bleed and punch me till I scream, but I know she loves me. My family just has a weird way of expressing this emotion.

Sorry but I don't see how that is any different to a woman who has an abusive boyfriend. "Oh but he loves me," yeah, but you're still getting hurt.

Still if you're ok with it then I guess it's up to you.

I don't get why people thinks brothers and sisters should be allowed to hit each other. Parents can't hit their kids, couples can't hit each other, randomers can't hit each other, but brothers and sisters can.

It makes NO sense.

I really mean it when I say that my family expresses love in an odd way.

It's just that we have an unspoken bond, I know she never intends to really like mentally hurt me at all. And with sibilling rivarly, especially with me never getting any spot light, who can blame us for hitting eachother. We still do it. We still always will. It's something in our genes. I'm sure of it.

Parents hitting kids is another topic...

The reason why sibillings can fight as apposed to couples is that sibillings will usually fight for their parents, no matter what. They won't realise it, but each looks to their parent in order to let them know that they are the superior sibilling. It's a wild instinct. Some subconcious thing. That's all my theory on the matter. Couples however, is not a natural occurance in nature. Not many animals actually have 'life partners'. They don't get married or have boyfriends and girlfriends. So when couples fight, it's seen as a domestic problem, not a natural behavioural instinct.

Anji:

Flaming Phalanges!:

Anji:

But nothing my sister does is ever abuse. She can kick me till I bleed and punch me till I scream, but I know she loves me. My family just has a weird way of expressing this emotion.

Sorry but I don't see how that is any different to a woman who has an abusive boyfriend. "Oh but he loves me," yeah, but you're still getting hurt.

Still if you're ok with it then I guess it's up to you.

I don't get why people thinks brothers and sisters should be allowed to hit each other. Parents can't hit their kids, couples can't hit each other, randomers can't hit each other, but brothers and sisters can.

It makes NO sense.

I really mean it when I say that my family expresses love in an odd way.

It's just that we have an unspoken bond, I know she never intends to really like mentally hurt me at all. And with sibilling rivarly, especially with me never getting any spot light, who can blame us for hitting eachother. We still do it. We still always will. It's something in our genes. I'm sure of it.

Parents hitting kids is another topic...

The reason why sibillings can fight as apposed to couples is that sibillings will usually fight for their parents, no matter what. They won't realise it, but each looks to their parent in order to let them know that they are the superior sibilling. It's a wild instinct. Some subconcious thing. That's all my theory on the matter. Couples however, is not a natural occurance in nature. Not many animals actually have 'life partners'. They don't get married or have boyfriends and girlfriends. So when couples fight, it's seen as a domestic problem, not a natural behavioural instinct.

Yeah, but my point is that it's still two people hitting each other, or one getting hit by the other, most likely stronger one. It can and WILL do damage. There is something severely wrong if siblings can't go five minutes without hitting each other.

A lot of the time with my brother, there's no reason for him hitting me, just becuse he wants to. Bare in mind he's 20 this year, so he should have grown out of that a LONG time ago. There's no excuse for someone who's legally an adult hitting someone who's not only smaller and not as strong, but also still officially a child.

I honestly don't think that's a natural instinct.

Exactly. All the time, my parents and even my piano teacher tell me stories like "oh me and my brother used to fight like frikkin cats and dogs but as we grew older we grew closer and now we love each other so much its almost incest." or whatever. I always believed that would happen to us.

I'm still waiting. It's not natural and it's not just tough love when my brother tries to kill me for taking a sip of his soda. It's a problem.

Flaming Phalanges!:

Anji:

Flaming Phalanges!:

Anji:

But nothing my sister does is ever abuse. She can kick me till I bleed and punch me till I scream, but I know she loves me. My family just has a weird way of expressing this emotion.

Sorry but I don't see how that is any different to a woman who has an abusive boyfriend. "Oh but he loves me," yeah, but you're still getting hurt.

Still if you're ok with it then I guess it's up to you.

I don't get why people thinks brothers and sisters should be allowed to hit each other. Parents can't hit their kids, couples can't hit each other, randomers can't hit each other, but brothers and sisters can.

It makes NO sense.

I really mean it when I say that my family expresses love in an odd way.

It's just that we have an unspoken bond, I know she never intends to really like mentally hurt me at all. And with sibilling rivarly, especially with me never getting any spot light, who can blame us for hitting eachother. We still do it. We still always will. It's something in our genes. I'm sure of it.

Parents hitting kids is another topic...

The reason why sibillings can fight as apposed to couples is that sibillings will usually fight for their parents, no matter what. They won't realise it, but each looks to their parent in order to let them know that they are the superior sibilling. It's a wild instinct. Some subconcious thing. That's all my theory on the matter. Couples however, is not a natural occurance in nature. Not many animals actually have 'life partners'. They don't get married or have boyfriends and girlfriends. So when couples fight, it's seen as a domestic problem, not a natural behavioural instinct.

Yeah, but my point is that it's still two people hitting each other, or one getting hit by the other, most likely stronger one. It can and WILL do damage. There is something severely wrong if siblings can't go five minutes without hitting each other.

A lot of the time with my brother, there's no reason for him hitting me, just becuse he wants to. Bare in mind he's 20 this year, so he should have grown out of that a LONG time ago. There's no excuse for someone who's legally an adult hitting someone who's not only smaller and not as strong, but also still officially a child.

I honestly don't think that's a natural instinct.

That's because most people don't realise it. If it is an every five minute thing then it probably is a mental disorder. But, ordinary sibilling 'abuse' is an instinct.

Yeah, I always here those stories, and my dad's even said to my brother (regarding me) "She'll be one of the best friends you could ever have" and my brother goes "I know," but he still continues with the way he is.

But I'm still confident that he'll have an epiphany one day and realise what a cock he's been to me all these years. I dunno though, he's alright on the phone and stuff, but if he's home he's just a bastard. It's really strange.

Anji:

That's because most people don't realise it. If it is an every five minute thing then it probably is a mental disorder. But, ordinary sibilling 'abuse' is an instinct.

Sibilings fight, it happens. However, when your life and personal safety is in danger because of the actions being commited by them, it's not instinct abuse, at all.

Yes, they fight, meaning it comes from both sides. I'd be fine with my brother yelling at me for going into his room or hitting me for calling him names or something.

He hits me if I don't go down to the store and get him a snack. He chokes me if I don't hand over the remote. He hit me with a freaking frying pan because "he felt like it." and often pretends to throw knives at me. He'll pick up a knife and pretend to throw it and then not throw it. He'll follow me around the house with it. It's scary. And he doesn't have a whole lot of self control. I don't want that knife to slip out of his fingers.

lyrical_mess:

Yes, they fight, meaning it comes from both sides. I'd be fine with my brother yelling at me for going into his room or hitting me for calling him names or something.

He hits me if I don't go down to the store and get him a snack. He chokes me if I don't hand over the remote. He hit me with a freaking frying pan because "he felt like it." and often pretends to throw knives at me. He'll pick up a knife and pretend to throw it and then not throw it. He'll follow me around the house with it. It's scary. And he doesn't have a whole lot of self control. I don't want that knife to slip out of his fingers.

I like how you've described living with my sister.

My brother and I were pretty much bestfriends when we were young.
He was always My 'protector'.
At four years apart, we were tight.
Then when he got to about ten-ish he changed, like a 180 on how he use to be.
He use to kick, punch, push, pinch me constantly.
My parents use to punish him for it, so then he got smart.
He started calling me fat, ugly, stupid - whatever, whenever my parents werent around.

I never said anything back to him, because I idolized him.
It didnt get better when he hit teenagerdom either.
The verbal abuse got worse x3749824048
like, i'd deal with everybody bullying me at school and he'd be waiting for me at home.

Anyways, he found out about the bullying and laid off.
He started protecting me at school from people and it was all pretty sweet.

Long story short, we're tight now.
Most likely because we barely talk to each other.
I miss him and he lives in the same house - how fucked up is that?

Living with none of my relatives is how I deal with that. Sure I miss them, and I visit and they visit. But, I'm sure it's for the better. This summer I'm gonna have to move in with my greal uncle. But I love him and we're close. He made me promise to do so anyway.