I Don't Know What To Call This

I was going to make a Survival Guide first, when I started writing Blogs again, but this whole Virginia Tech massacre has really gotten me in a mood. I don't care if other people have posted Blogs about it or not, because this isn't what it's about. To be honest, I don't even know what it'll be about. This is more of a rant, which is unlike most of my posts. I don't know, here I go. I'm just gonna start typing and I don't know when I'm gonna stop or what I'm gonna say.

I don't get the world. When you have sick people like this Cho who kills 32 people, it really infuriates me, how someone could just inflict all this pain upon innocent people. It disgusts me and it enrages me like something you could probably understand, if you're the over-sympathetic type like me. But I think there's something wrong with me when I say that I'm more concerned on the WHY than the WHAT. This is a plain horrible tragedy, and I cringe whenever I read or hear about it on the news, because I couldn't begin to fathom what the people in that area must be going through.

But I want to know why this guy killed all these people. Sure, he made some hints to it in that video he made... but what causes that train of thought? What happened? Maybe it's my nature, because it bugs me when I don't have answers and I'll go to great lengths to find those answers. But bear with me, try and understand the point I'm making.

I had a theory about the world, that things aren't as bad as they seem. Whenever you hear about these murders or rapes on the news, they ARE awful things. But haven't you noticed that evil doings go with more recognition than good doings? You always hear about the shootings and the robberies on the news every day, but how often is it when you hear about something good another does? Isn't that worth recognition too? It's just that people aren't as interested in that compared to something bad going on, because it doesn't directly relate to us. That's not necessarily a bad thing, because we just want to be well-informed. But it's still true, isn't it? Bad things go with more recognition, that's what I've always believed. So, for a while, I've always believed that the world has hope because there's many more GOOD things happening, it's just that not enough people are involved or aware of it. Maybe I listened to "Imagine" by John Lennon too many times in a row, because soon enough that song was my outlook on the world.

So you can beautiful things like that, and then you have things like the Virginia Tech shootings, 9/11, etc, The world is a contradiction. Nothing is what it seems... you know? And the thing that scares me, is that I'm not even sure what everyone is TRYING to seem like, how can I even know what we really are? Is everything just a lie? This was my breaking point, I seriously feel like I'm about to burst. I can't understand things like this, and I never will. I'll never understand what fucked that Cho guy up to force him to kill all those people. I can't tell if we're good with a bad minority, or bad with a good minority. Or are people really judged to be "bad" until they do something that would be qualified as "bad"? Are people born bad?

Another one of my theories is that people were born with a built-in desire to be "good" until something interferes in their lives which would change that. Here's an example:

Say your parents ask you to clean your room. You have NOTHING going on that day, no friends, no GSB, nothing. You'd be watching paint dry. You'd opt to clean your room, right? Well, let's say your friends ask you to go bowling with them. CONFLICT. You don't want to clean your room because that'll take too much time, and you really want to go bowling! See what happens?

So I want to know what is the factor that makes people do things like that. That Cho guy wasn't just born bad, unless there was something found in his brain that altered decision-making (him being clinically insane). I've never heard any hints to that. So why do people do these things? And why to that degree? And what makes them different? Because you've got people nowadays who have virtually nothing, and you don't see them on a killing spree.

Because who knows? There could be who-knows how many people out there who are like Cho, but simply have yet to do anything. And there's not a thing we can do about it. We can stop potential killers because we don't know if they have the capacity to kill or even if they WILL. There's some people who could be in the same situation as him and not do anything. So we can't do anything about how people are. But can we stop it from continuing to happen?

I mean, if my theory is correct about how people are good until something changes them.... then what's the factor? From what I've heard about this Cho guy, it sounds like it's more of a universal thing for him. Something that a lot of people could relate to, but he took some sort of an extreme of it and reacted extremely. What fucked him up?

To just put something out there, and to (possibly) wrap this up, me thinks it's society. He said something along the lines of how everyone is spoiled and no one's ever felt real pain, and he wanted everyone to feel pain. I'm not sure here, going off of memory. But aren't so many of us spoiled, or is it the whole "minority" thing? It goes back to what I was talking about earlier. Do I live in a spoiled society with a middle-and-lower-class minority, or a middle class society with a spoiled minority? You've probably noticed this, but there's a great deal of people who are rich who flaunt their wealth, so it makes regulars like me feel like shit, like everyone else is "living the life" and I'm just... bleh... or is that a stereotype in itself? I know some rich families and they DON'T flaunt their wealth and they're perfectly nice people.

So I guess we'll never know. I can't tell if it's the "minority" thing, or the real thing. People lie. There's this "unsaid expectation" we've set of ourselves, that we have to appear to be as normal and modern as possible. So whatever's really going wrong, it's all underneath that warm demeanor. Is a smile a smile of genuine happines or concealed agitation? I can't tell with anyone, I can't trust anyone. I'm constantly analyzing how people think and act, and how the two are related. Maybe all this is just a strange fabrication of my possibly demented mind.

I'm not trying to be funny or witty, or anything. I'm seriously not sure. Am I right, wrong, and/or am I crazy?