nobody talks to me - a diary type blog entry
this isnt a jump for sympathy, im not too good at knowing what to do with sympathy apart from get cookies and other such baked goodies bought or given to me.
and i got bored of the whole *gives you a cookie* thing. i cant eat cyber cookies and its only good when i dunno what to say.
and i comfort eat too much anyway. nobody commented my last two blah thingys so im hoping that someone will comment this. not that im attention seeking. noone likes that, and i just hope someone likes me still.
coz my best frend is never there when i need to talk to her. shes got a boyfrend shes always got a boyfrend and hes her world for five minutes. so im not important for each of those five minutes. i mean, sometimes shed rather talk to her ex who hates my guts. even when it was me that went round her house and decided we should go to the park. and no, i cant just not be her frend, she knows all my secrets and she knows what to do when im angry. not depressed. i dont tend to let people know when im badly depressed, like i said sympathy.
shes good at hugs and knows which cookies i like best tho. and she listens to alright music and laughs at my jokes. so yeah, i need frends, everyone needs frends.
yesterday we were taking photos at youth club for our mural thing were gonna make. i hate the way i look so i ran away and was feeling ugly. so i texted my ex bf. i said hi hows t gf ps got a frend?
and he texted back she wen walkys n im my own frend so i phoned him and he was gonna come round today
but today i realised even he doesnt deserve to be how i get my pretty face in the mirror. (i have bid okay? and im a horrid person okay?) so i canceled. im so evil i hate it when i do things like this.
but he is a drug dealer, so none of you htt gsbians are gonna feel sorry for him. or me for that matter, htt (sorry, holier than thou) gsbians are all gonna tell me that im attention seeking and all. maybe i am, IM FUCKING SICK OF BEING A INCIDENTAL CHARACTER IN THE STORY OF MY OWN DAMN LIFE!
sorry, outburst there. i used to do drugs, thats how i know him. hes a bit of a player, hopefully he wont take it too bad, but still, i know that he takes walkys a lot worse than he takes going walkys himself... i really hope hes okay... two girls turning him down in less than a week cant do good for someone who drowns his life out and then has a showy personality which i dont think is real... i worry about him but he wont admit that hes drowning anything out.
i know i was. i wish i could drown everything out now... perhaps its for the best i cancelled on him... i tried to kill myself once by trying to drown things out and then decided i could just stop living and stop dealing with stuff. i say once. once like that.
okay ill stop now before i blab all my problems. i forget when im writing that someones gonna read it... good job i dont care anymore.
and i got bored of the whole *gives you a cookie* thing. i cant eat cyber cookies and its only good when i dunno what to say.
and i comfort eat too much anyway. nobody commented my last two blah thingys so im hoping that someone will comment this. not that im attention seeking. noone likes that, and i just hope someone likes me still.
coz my best frend is never there when i need to talk to her. shes got a boyfrend shes always got a boyfrend and hes her world for five minutes. so im not important for each of those five minutes. i mean, sometimes shed rather talk to her ex who hates my guts. even when it was me that went round her house and decided we should go to the park. and no, i cant just not be her frend, she knows all my secrets and she knows what to do when im angry. not depressed. i dont tend to let people know when im badly depressed, like i said sympathy.
shes good at hugs and knows which cookies i like best tho. and she listens to alright music and laughs at my jokes. so yeah, i need frends, everyone needs frends.
yesterday we were taking photos at youth club for our mural thing were gonna make. i hate the way i look so i ran away and was feeling ugly. so i texted my ex bf. i said hi hows t gf ps got a frend?
and he texted back she wen walkys n im my own frend so i phoned him and he was gonna come round todaybut today i realised even he doesnt deserve to be how i get my pretty face in the mirror. (i have bid okay? and im a horrid person okay?) so i canceled. im so evil i hate it when i do things like this.
but he is a drug dealer, so none of you htt gsbians are gonna feel sorry for him. or me for that matter, htt (sorry, holier than thou) gsbians are all gonna tell me that im attention seeking and all. maybe i am, IM FUCKING SICK OF BEING A INCIDENTAL CHARACTER IN THE STORY OF MY OWN DAMN LIFE!
sorry, outburst there. i used to do drugs, thats how i know him. hes a bit of a player, hopefully he wont take it too bad, but still, i know that he takes walkys a lot worse than he takes going walkys himself... i really hope hes okay... two girls turning him down in less than a week cant do good for someone who drowns his life out and then has a showy personality which i dont think is real... i worry about him but he wont admit that hes drowning anything out.
i know i was. i wish i could drown everything out now... perhaps its for the best i cancelled on him... i tried to kill myself once by trying to drown things out and then decided i could just stop living and stop dealing with stuff. i say once. once like that.
okay ill stop now before i blab all my problems. i forget when im writing that someones gonna read it... good job i dont care anymore.
If your best friend was truely your best friend, she would make time for you, because friends come before boys. Tell her that you need to talk to her, its important, and if she still doesnt listen.. then maybe you aren't as good of friends as you thought.
As for the drugs, why? Using drugs is only pushing his problems away, and yours if you use them as well. They aren't gone, and when they come back they'll be twice as bad. Drugs aren't the solution, and being religious has nothing to do with that logic.
Suicide isn't the answer, Im sure you've heard that 50 times before, but you ca never hear it enough. You're only 16 years old; you have so much ahead of you its unreal. All of your problems now, they won't matter when you're 25. For now, you have to calm down and sort out everything thats causing you problems and find a solution to the problems. That is possible and I know you can do it.
Kurtni, May 30th, 2007 at 11:38:02am
and i just told a girl i only know on the internet that i think i love her.
fan f*cking tastic. idk y i did that.
Lyddy r teh Snaily, May 30th, 2007 at 07:48:43am