We spend our whole lives trying to find ourselves. Trying to move forward. Trying to grow up. Every day we struggle with demons that make us a little bit more lost. That make us take a few steps back. That stunt our growth.

These demons seem to have so much power over us. In an addict's world, they rule our lives with deadly intentions. Something happens to us that makes us weak, and the demons make their move.

Pick up the razorblade and stray from the trail. You won't feel a thing.

Down a case of beer and stumble backwards. You won't feel a thing.

Pop some pills and live a fantasy. You won't feel a thing.

You won't feel a thing.

We feel something; we feel relief. And we like it. So the next time we feel weak, we sit back and let the demons take over again. After all, it worked the first time.

We do it over and over and over again, until finally, we just let the demons control our lives.

We become addicts.

I was an addict. I couldn't go a day without bleeding, getting high, or falling down drunk. It was so easy, so simple. I didn't have to think. I let my demons get the best of me.

In recent years I discovered that I did, in fact, have a problem with several addictions. I never admitted that I had come to realize this. I just kept my mouth shut and let the demons do their job.

Then my friend Geminae committed suicide. She was my best friend. So innocent, so kind...It made me take a good, hard look at myself. Did I want to end up like her? Did I want to give into my inner demons, once and for all?

I came to decide that I did not, that those demons had controlled enough of my life. It was time to me to take control of the wheel again.

As of May 13th, 2007, I am officially clean and sober. It may have taken me seven years to defeat my demons, but I can proudly say that I am no longer an addict.
Posted on June 18th, 2007 at 03:35am


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