Addict
We spend our whole lives trying to find ourselves. Trying to move forward. Trying to grow up. Every day we struggle with demons that make us a little bit more lost. That make us take a few steps back. That stunt our growth.
These demons seem to have so much power over us. In an addict's world, they rule our lives with deadly intentions. Something happens to us that makes us weak, and the demons make their move.
Pick up the razorblade and stray from the trail. You won't feel a thing.
Down a case of beer and stumble backwards. You won't feel a thing.
Pop some pills and live a fantasy. You won't feel a thing.
You won't feel a thing.
We feel something; we feel relief. And we like it. So the next time we feel weak, we sit back and let the demons take over again. After all, it worked the first time.
We do it over and over and over again, until finally, we just let the demons control our lives.
We become addicts.
I was an addict. I couldn't go a day without bleeding, getting high, or falling down drunk. It was so easy, so simple. I didn't have to think. I let my demons get the best of me.
In recent years I discovered that I did, in fact, have a problem with several addictions. I never admitted that I had come to realize this. I just kept my mouth shut and let the demons do their job.
Then my friend Geminae committed suicide. She was my best friend. So innocent, so kind...It made me take a good, hard look at myself. Did I want to end up like her? Did I want to give into my inner demons, once and for all?
I came to decide that I did not, that those demons had controlled enough of my life. It was time to me to take control of the wheel again.
As of May 13th, 2007, I am officially clean and sober. It may have taken me seven years to defeat my demons, but I can proudly say that I am no longer an addict.
These demons seem to have so much power over us. In an addict's world, they rule our lives with deadly intentions. Something happens to us that makes us weak, and the demons make their move.
Pick up the razorblade and stray from the trail. You won't feel a thing.
Down a case of beer and stumble backwards. You won't feel a thing.
Pop some pills and live a fantasy. You won't feel a thing.
You won't feel a thing.
We feel something; we feel relief. And we like it. So the next time we feel weak, we sit back and let the demons take over again. After all, it worked the first time.
We do it over and over and over again, until finally, we just let the demons control our lives.
We become addicts.
I was an addict. I couldn't go a day without bleeding, getting high, or falling down drunk. It was so easy, so simple. I didn't have to think. I let my demons get the best of me.
In recent years I discovered that I did, in fact, have a problem with several addictions. I never admitted that I had come to realize this. I just kept my mouth shut and let the demons do their job.
Then my friend Geminae committed suicide. She was my best friend. So innocent, so kind...It made me take a good, hard look at myself. Did I want to end up like her? Did I want to give into my inner demons, once and for all?
I came to decide that I did not, that those demons had controlled enough of my life. It was time to me to take control of the wheel again.
As of May 13th, 2007, I am officially clean and sober. It may have taken me seven years to defeat my demons, but I can proudly say that I am no longer an addict.
I'm so proud of you, Aleita. =]
CrazyEyes, June 26th, 2007 at 10:42:20am
It makes me depressed that a 14 year old can control herself more than me.
I'm so proud of you I can't say. I'm actually tearing up.
Dance Dance. Fool!, June 19th, 2007 at 04:09:52am
Thanks for the comments, guys =]
If any of you ever need someone to talk to, please, PM me :)
December Cynic, June 18th, 2007 at 05:43:29pm
yeah... one day i noticed that the fantasy world i was living in (caused by drugs...) was addicting me to the drugs. i couldnt live in the real world... still cant. but being addicting to myspace and gsb is safer than drugs.
and i can fade into the high, without drugs. took some practise, but i can get high on memories...
Lyddy r teh Snaily, June 18th, 2007 at 08:09:05am
Addict.
I've never considered myself that.
Such a harsh word.
And, I am, I'm an addict.
Good to be sober.
=]
germma margaret!, June 18th, 2007 at 03:59:06am
it;s good that you;re sober :D
but it;s sad that something bad like your best friend passing was the thing to put you back on track.
Still...i feel happy for you.
:D
Casper is not amused, June 18th, 2007 at 03:52:56am
Good for you. Its encouraging to see someone has some self control and wants to better themselves. Im sorry you had to learn through your friends death, and it mustve been a hard road to travel. But its really admirable that you did what you did to get over it. I agree with the Demons. People do have some things that take over them. Sometimes its really rather scary as its like they arent even themselves anymore after some times. Very well written article. I respect you for writing what you did.
Screw It, June 18th, 2007 at 03:47:21am