The Life Story of Jeabel
Here I spin for you the tale of a thirteen year old girl with a rather strange and pathetic life. All facts have been taken straight from experience, Jeabel herself, or IchLüge.com
Listen carefully, my chickens *ahem*
Jeabel: the story
Once, when a man was under the influence of a certain notorious liquid, he made love to a random woman on the street. He later got a call informing him that her stomach had swelled to a disgusting size and she was carrying perhaps the fattest baby ever. A couple months later, he was called to the midwife’s hut to watch a grotesque procedure that humans undergo known as childbirth. There was blood and all sorts of strange objects spurting out everywhere *cue any weak-stomached people to leave right now* when Chopaloopa, as the baby was to be named, came riding out on a surfboard, which she hit the helpful midwife over the head with and ran out the door. The father attempted to chase after her, but his fat ass couldn’t be bothered after a couple steps, so he gave up. This man’s name was Santa Claus.
Soon Isabel reached a house in Hoboken, where she grew up. A man known as Steve Purdy picked her up and said “Oh, you must be the baby I lost last week! Welcome home, Isabel!” Chopaloopa was confused as to why her dignified name was being replaced with something so ugly, but she didn’t complain about the rechristening because she couldn’t talk yet, the stupid baby.
**9 YEARS LATER**
Isabel is now seven years of age, with a chubby face and nice round glasses. She recently learned how to count and tie her shoe laces. Way to go, Isabel! Now, being rather small and fat, when she put up lemonade stands she made lots of cash. Soon she saved up enough money to buy a rocket car, which she road to the moon with. Poor Isabel was not informed as of yet that there was no oxygen in space, so she choked, fell of her rocket car, and somehow fell back down to Earth without being burned up, right into her backyard. Steve walked outside and picked the plump child up, “Oh, you must be the kid I lost last week! Welcome home, Isabel!” As you can see, both Isabel and her father have a knack for losing things (true story, she has left her entire backpack and entire sleeping bag at my house many times).
**ISABEL NOW**
Isabel is now known as Jeabel, because an IQ-challenged math teacher misread her name once. Who knows why that God-awful name stuck. She has lost her enormous amount of baby fat and lives with four pets: a huge dog named Waldo who smells like shit; a cat named Bobo who tries to impress people through his acrobatic skills on a cat stand; a cat named Nuzzle who is as perverse as the day is long, and sits on your face during the night; and finally, Lily, who is not as sweet as her name suggests. In fact, she is very reminiscent of a serial killer in a cat’s body. Plus two rabbits who are gay for each other.
END
Listen carefully, my chickens *ahem*
Jeabel: the story
Once, when a man was under the influence of a certain notorious liquid, he made love to a random woman on the street. He later got a call informing him that her stomach had swelled to a disgusting size and she was carrying perhaps the fattest baby ever. A couple months later, he was called to the midwife’s hut to watch a grotesque procedure that humans undergo known as childbirth. There was blood and all sorts of strange objects spurting out everywhere *cue any weak-stomached people to leave right now* when Chopaloopa, as the baby was to be named, came riding out on a surfboard, which she hit the helpful midwife over the head with and ran out the door. The father attempted to chase after her, but his fat ass couldn’t be bothered after a couple steps, so he gave up. This man’s name was Santa Claus.
Soon Isabel reached a house in Hoboken, where she grew up. A man known as Steve Purdy picked her up and said “Oh, you must be the baby I lost last week! Welcome home, Isabel!” Chopaloopa was confused as to why her dignified name was being replaced with something so ugly, but she didn’t complain about the rechristening because she couldn’t talk yet, the stupid baby.
**9 YEARS LATER**
Isabel is now seven years of age, with a chubby face and nice round glasses. She recently learned how to count and tie her shoe laces. Way to go, Isabel! Now, being rather small and fat, when she put up lemonade stands she made lots of cash. Soon she saved up enough money to buy a rocket car, which she road to the moon with. Poor Isabel was not informed as of yet that there was no oxygen in space, so she choked, fell of her rocket car, and somehow fell back down to Earth without being burned up, right into her backyard. Steve walked outside and picked the plump child up, “Oh, you must be the kid I lost last week! Welcome home, Isabel!” As you can see, both Isabel and her father have a knack for losing things (true story, she has left her entire backpack and entire sleeping bag at my house many times).
**ISABEL NOW**
Isabel is now known as Jeabel, because an IQ-challenged math teacher misread her name once. Who knows why that God-awful name stuck. She has lost her enormous amount of baby fat and lives with four pets: a huge dog named Waldo who smells like shit; a cat named Bobo who tries to impress people through his acrobatic skills on a cat stand; a cat named Nuzzle who is as perverse as the day is long, and sits on your face during the night; and finally, Lily, who is not as sweet as her name suggests. In fact, she is very reminiscent of a serial killer in a cat’s body. Plus two rabbits who are gay for each other.
END
Okay, well that was....er....intresting.
LittleMissGreenday, August 29th, 2007 at 03:37:43pm
AWSOME STORY
FaLlEn _ AnGeL, August 29th, 2007 at 03:48:41am