I Miss You.
Disclaimer: Yeah, this is another one of my blogs where I complain about how fcked over I've gotten and how much I miss him. You had your warning.
Every time I think of him, a few lyrics from various songs run through my mind. Mostly stuff like...Almost Easy by Avenged Sevenfold, Down and I Miss You by blink-182, that kind of thing.
Even songs like Life is Beautiful by Sixx A.M.
Just because the last time I saw him, he wanted to listen to that song the whole time we were driving. And he asked me to burn a CD for him with it on it.
Sometimes I think I'll never get better.
And then I have days where I think I'll be okay, though those are few and far between.
The strangest, most horrible thing about this is...sometimes I don't want to get better.
Sometimes I feel like if I can't be with him, I don't want to be with anyone else.
I know a lot of people will respond to this blog with comments like
"Oh, you'll get over it, just give it time,"
and
"Eventually you'll find someone better."
And maybe they're right, maybe they're not, I don't know.
Isn't that weird though, that I don't even care. I don't want anyone better.
I don't know...maybe there's something wrong with me.
Every time I look at the pictures of us together, it's just a reminder of that.
Any picture of him, really.
I just want him to come to his senses...I pray [well, I don't know if you could actually call it praying...coz I don't know how I feel about God and such] every night, without fail, that he'll realize how bad she is for him. He told me how horribly she treats him, so why is he still with her?
And that he'll realize how much I love him.
He knows, I'm sure. Denial, I guess, is what he's got going on for him at the moment.
Hmm.
I'm sure he knows...I got the chance to remind him, last month.
I thought I was almost over him, I really did.
I had Zero.
But then I saw him.
And he held me and kissed me and said he still loved me.
And all the feelings I'd been trying to get away from came rushing back, and this time I'm not even trying to fight them. For a few different reasons:
Because there's really no point, not when he can bring it all back with just a simple conversation.
Because he's all I want.
Because I think the only reason I'd even been able to move on as much as I had was because of Zero. But, I knew Zero didn't care about me. Not the way I wanted him to. So it didn't matter, it was...like...fake.
But that. That weekend, when I got to be with him again, that was real.
I don't know much of anything anymore.
Every time I think of him, a few lyrics from various songs run through my mind. Mostly stuff like...Almost Easy by Avenged Sevenfold, Down and I Miss You by blink-182, that kind of thing.
Even songs like Life is Beautiful by Sixx A.M.
Just because the last time I saw him, he wanted to listen to that song the whole time we were driving. And he asked me to burn a CD for him with it on it.
Sometimes I think I'll never get better.
And then I have days where I think I'll be okay, though those are few and far between.
The strangest, most horrible thing about this is...sometimes I don't want to get better.
Sometimes I feel like if I can't be with him, I don't want to be with anyone else.
I know a lot of people will respond to this blog with comments like
"Oh, you'll get over it, just give it time,"
and
"Eventually you'll find someone better."
And maybe they're right, maybe they're not, I don't know.
Isn't that weird though, that I don't even care. I don't want anyone better.
I don't know...maybe there's something wrong with me.
Every time I look at the pictures of us together, it's just a reminder of that.
Any picture of him, really.
I just want him to come to his senses...I pray [well, I don't know if you could actually call it praying...coz I don't know how I feel about God and such] every night, without fail, that he'll realize how bad she is for him. He told me how horribly she treats him, so why is he still with her?
And that he'll realize how much I love him.
He knows, I'm sure. Denial, I guess, is what he's got going on for him at the moment.
Hmm.
I'm sure he knows...I got the chance to remind him, last month.
I thought I was almost over him, I really did.
I had Zero.
But then I saw him.
And he held me and kissed me and said he still loved me.
And all the feelings I'd been trying to get away from came rushing back, and this time I'm not even trying to fight them. For a few different reasons:
Because there's really no point, not when he can bring it all back with just a simple conversation.
Because he's all I want.
Because I think the only reason I'd even been able to move on as much as I had was because of Zero. But, I knew Zero didn't care about me. Not the way I wanted him to. So it didn't matter, it was...like...fake.
But that. That weekend, when I got to be with him again, that was real.
I don't know much of anything anymore.
i do know how you feel...
"Sometimes I think I'll never get better.
And then I have days where I think I'll be okay, though those are few and far between.
The strangest, most horrible thing about this is...sometimes I don't want to get better.
Sometimes I feel like if I can't be with him, I don't want to be with anyone else.
I know a lot of people will respond to this blog with comments like
"Oh, you'll get over it, just give it time,"
and
"Eventually you'll find someone better."
And maybe they're right, maybe they're not, I don't know.
Isn't that weird though, that I don't even care. I don't want anyone better.
I don't know...maybe there's something wrong with me."
god I can completely relate to that.
i'm always here to talk if you want.
i've been trying to get my him off of my mind lately. i want too stop loving him,
i want to forget about him, i want to hate him, i dont want to feel painbecause of him.
i've deleted all of the pictures of him, and i've gotten rid of basically anything that will remind me of him. it's very hard because theres so many things that I can't get rid of.
maybe someone will come by, that may actually be even better than him, and sweep you off your feet? and he'll feel the same way back....
i know how you feel with not wanting anyone better, or anyone else.
and i honestly don't even know what to say that would help, because i'm in the same boat.
everything happens for a reason....right??
i hope things get better for you<3
Bubble Wrap., December 11th, 2007 at 07:21:37am
I wish I knew what to tell you, all I can really think of is to tell you I know how you feel (as much as I hate when people say that to me, cause usually its just someone trying to fit in). Honestly, I understand how you feel. I understand how hard it is to just give up all those feelings and just move on. No one seems to be able to fill the place of that "one guy" because it seems as though he is the ONLY person for you. And I know how it feels to have him want to be with someone else more than you, it cuts like a knife and keeps digging in.. until you do such stupid things because you are incredibly upset.
All I can say now is, pm me if you'd like to talk. I hope things get better.
(:
elle., December 11th, 2007 at 12:06:31am