tremors in my year

wow. what the old year has brought upon me. sounds cheesy i know, but it's true.

i've learned a lot. like i never in my life would have thought to learn this much. i've learned what real friends are and what fake friends are. i've learned that "Trust" is one of the hardest words in the world to do. i've learned that once you have done something, you almost never can take it back. and you can't turn back time. no matter how much you want to. and its hard to look back on your past and to leave it behind. for me, this year was the hardest that i've probably ever gone through. but i know it won't be my last hard year. there's still time for more.

i've changed...a lot. i didn't realize it until a few things that went on a while back. yes its true, i've lost weight. and if i take time for myself, then i can sometimes pass myself as "pretty" with a little makeup and some hair products and with the right clothes of course. the world that we're in now has to image of girls starving themselves for the perfect appearence. sure i might not like the way i look now. but its only up to me to change it. i guess my self-image wants to be better but i'm trying. i actually am trying.

i've done many things that i would have never done last year. i think part of it is because i've grown to like myself somewhat and to know what some limits are for me. i've tried different looks and different styles. i've only found me. so i hope that's a good thing.

i've met a lot of new people this year. some that were good to meet and some that probably weren't the best. some of my closest friends that i have now, i don't even think i knew they were here last year. like savnnah, my best friend, i met her over the summer at this girl's birthday party that both of us really didn't want to go to. but we did and i slept over at her house that night. and we became best buds ever since then. we've had great times together and we have countless memories and inside jokes. i've met a few cool people from her. some of them i still keep in touch with. and then there's the people at my school that i hang out with. jake, sam, meg, tyler, carsen, emily...and everyone else. they've taught me a lot and they're the best. they can also make me laugh whenever something is biting me in the butt. i've also apparently have gotten 'new siblings'. like jake and jarrod, my brothers and savannah, meg, and maggie, my sisters. and then there's just those few people i've met at bike races, camps, parties...although i might never see them as i would like to, we still keep in touch and they're awesome in their own different ways. and then there's my sister...the kid that can get everything out of me..good or bad. but believe it or not, she's always there for me. as i am with her.

i've learned that i shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve. it's really not worth it. sure it takes a few tries for me to learn that. but i learned it so thats all that really matters. some guys aren't worth it. so sometimes its probably not the best to rush into things and such. people (some i guess) don't know what love is (yes i know its a white stripes song). so no point in hurting other people by saying it. but sometimes its good that people learn the tough stuff the hard way. life isn't fair. not one bit.

i've also gone through a lot of crap this year and i've probably put my family through a lot of it. which i'm sorry for. i wasn't thinking at what i was doing and where i was going with it. i was doing some pretty awful things- and i didn't really realize what i was doing. but for right now, everything's okay.

i've learned that when life (i hate cliches) gives you lemons, you don't squeeze them in life's eye, you make lemonade. a lot of people have taught me to love my life and be grateful for what i have. and i think most of the people that read this, you're probably one of the people that have helped me realize this and care about me.

so i guess i've learned loads of stuff. and changing is good at some points or others. there's not really any point in jumping off a cliff when you're having a bad day or in girls' cases, PMSing. but i hope that once this new year comes, i can forget some of the things, and some people that have crossed my path, and go on. but i know that i won't be able to forget a few things or people.

that's just how life is.

Posted on December 26th, 2007 at 04:51pm


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