"Because It'll Make You Feel Better If You Talk About It"

It was a friday ...9/28/07....
my mom took me over to my Grandma's After school, like any other day...
i decide to spend the night
mom went home, i was left at my Grandma's house
it was 12 O'Clock
I Decide to go to bed...it was early for to be honest



My Uncle was at the hospital the past few days
he had Amonia(sp?), and his bipolar was acting up, he was on the brink of going to thestate hospital
he went home on friday
That Night the amonia Got to his Heart
and past away, now to most of you an uncle's are just your mother/father's brother
but he wasnt
my dad was to busy to being a whore or going to jail, to care about me
but my uncle kinda became my dad in a way, he lived with us for 3 year(i was 5-8_)
and as i got older, and got REALLY into music, we had something to talk about,
he tought me about ALOT of 'older' music
and he couldnt see his kids because he had very very very(x10) bad Bipolar
my aunt thought it was best if his kids didnt see it

ok so back to what i was saying before....

i went to at 12....
and i was awoke at the sound of my grandparents talking
in the next room
i try to ignore it but when i hread my grandma say
"I DONT CARE GARY IM GOING DOWN THERE"
i thought my uncle got put in the hospital
but what i wasnt expecting was my grandma bursting my the spare bed room
and say
"HEATHER GET UP, DANNY DIED, IM GOING OVER TO HIS HOUSE TO WAIT UNTIL THE COP GET THERE, WATCH THE DOGS"

i got up, let all 5 poodles out to go potty
with in mintues my mom came in crying say
"i cant fucking believe this, it isnt right"
i just sat there confused, it hadnt sank in
it sank in when my grandma came back, walk throught the door and started crying
the strongest preson in our family.
crying.
i ran in the spare bedroom and started crying


10/2/07
my uncles funeral(sp?)
it was nice, he would have liked it
being family
we had saved seat in the front row,
i looked down the aisle(sp?)
to see my cousin(shes 13) crying,
i notice there was a seat emtey next to her
so i went down there and sat be her and put my arm around her
it really sucked me up
my other cousin, hes 17
....
he didnt cry what seemed like the whole time


theres been night where i wake up and start crying,
once i couldnt stop,and made my mom take me on a drive (at 1am)

but honestly, forget me, im worried about my cousin
Jordie. 13. tall. skinny. nice
only time i've seen her cry was at the funeral,
and she was really thin
(in a healthy way, y'know?)
i noticed at Thanksgiving she ate alittle more then she normally did
but who am i to judge?
and at chrismas i notice she ate a lot of sticky buns....

and im worried that shes eating to solve her sadness...
because.

1.) she ate really healthy, and it cant be healthy to go from eating right to over eating

2.) shes really pretty and it would be a shame if she gained alot of weight and got picked on
....
and getting teased right after her father died,
man that chould really fuck her up, y'know


And im really worried about my Mommy
Because she was really close to her brother
and she also has Bipolar
every morning she wakes up and crys, it tares me up
i want to be strong for her and not cry,



R.I.P
Danial Dean Martin, 1962-2007

[/VENT]