sex drugs and rock and roll
ok... its been a while here so your gonna have to cut me a break, i dont normally come around here, in fact im wAYY too old for this site being 18 you can agree on that, but i do have younger friends, age dosnt match maturity most of the time, ive come to respect that in a sence, and im also in the minority being a guy who is sumwhat sensitive when his wall is down... that dosnt make me gay so you can just drop the fucking homo jokes alright? now, i was milling around here and i stumbled across a brilliantly written piece on teenage alcohol use... and i took a big interest in it... instead of commenting the auther back and probibly never hearing a reply i decided to show you zombies what it is really about... the lifestyle i choose long ago in which one day it will probibly kill me... this isnt fun, its not meant to be cool, not anymore that is...
when i was younger of corse i appealed to rock and roll, who didnt? but i live in the amish world, in the country and most people listen to country i guess... i only found this out years later though... the point is that i was doomed for faliure from the beginning, because i didnt understand the message of the songs i was listening too... i aged appropriotly with music though... first and formost i listened to blink and greenday which are sort of geared towards younger audiances (even though i still like a lot of their music) and then i moved past them to nirvana, and nirvana really braught out a new me... "what is this angry punk rock you speak of?" it got me interested of corse, and then i grew more mature from cracking jokes about sex to being pissed at everyone and loss of care in everything. well... you know how things are... thats how it starts. you lose care in yourself. you basically give up... and then as Trent Reznor put it so well "Nothing can stop me now because i dont care anymore" and then one night, someone handed me a free 8th of weed "here go experement with this" and as soon as i opened the little plastic baggy up and took a whiff.... my eyes shot to black and i was smiling... "this ought to be fun" i thought. well it was at first.... from that to drinking, and drinking wasnt as fun becuase you feel a lot sicker in the morning... weed just makes you paranoid as fuck and distorts everything, and hey lets go to school and tell people what we did... BIG MISTAKE! and then you spend a whole summer just getting high, and wait.... your parents find out and then your in BIG TROUBLE!!! and i mean big... grounded cant talk to anyone basically your jailed. but wait... whats this... you can take pills and they are easyer to hide and you get the same effect sometimes? well fuck yeah, put me down for that... and before you know it your taking vicitan and blowing your entire paycheck on the shit... i still have a big problem w that one... and you continue to spiral downward, eventully you move out of your house, so that way you can do what you want again, and then you discover shrooms.... lsd... oxycotton... coke.... heroin... just to get away... no more is it about the music... its about running away, you feel so bad for ending up the way you do that you get high... and then on your way back down you feel like ultamite shit, so you plan your next trip into the clouds and away you go... and soon reality is just a fucking dream, and you never go out and hang with your friends, and your real friends forgot your name, and guitar dosnt even look fun to play anymore, you just sit in your room, skipping school on this lovely friday, getting coked up and ready to smoke.... and everyone you know is fallen away, the only people that will still talk to you are people on the computer that you dont even know... that that is messed up...
im trying real hard to get back to where i was in life... its not easy when you constantly feel like shit, but ive maniged to cut back on the vicitan, and i dont touch hard shit too much anymore past lsd and shrooms.... but i wrote in my journal once "there are only two ways out of a spiral... up and over or down and out" meaning eather way your gonna die... but, i contemplate suicide every damn day... and sometimes i come pritty close... and then i also took up the art of slashing my leg to shit just becase i like to see the blood... sounds pritty fucking emo dosnt it??? eh??? but i dont tell people im doing it so go fuck yourselfs. i know i will be labeled... we all get labled... some of you will see me as a horrable fake attention snatcher... some of you might not.... either way, going on here and at least telling you what is going on is a good theripy and it makes me feel good until i get high again....
please someone help me
S N A K E
when i was younger of corse i appealed to rock and roll, who didnt? but i live in the amish world, in the country and most people listen to country i guess... i only found this out years later though... the point is that i was doomed for faliure from the beginning, because i didnt understand the message of the songs i was listening too... i aged appropriotly with music though... first and formost i listened to blink and greenday which are sort of geared towards younger audiances (even though i still like a lot of their music) and then i moved past them to nirvana, and nirvana really braught out a new me... "what is this angry punk rock you speak of?" it got me interested of corse, and then i grew more mature from cracking jokes about sex to being pissed at everyone and loss of care in everything. well... you know how things are... thats how it starts. you lose care in yourself. you basically give up... and then as Trent Reznor put it so well "Nothing can stop me now because i dont care anymore" and then one night, someone handed me a free 8th of weed "here go experement with this" and as soon as i opened the little plastic baggy up and took a whiff.... my eyes shot to black and i was smiling... "this ought to be fun" i thought. well it was at first.... from that to drinking, and drinking wasnt as fun becuase you feel a lot sicker in the morning... weed just makes you paranoid as fuck and distorts everything, and hey lets go to school and tell people what we did... BIG MISTAKE! and then you spend a whole summer just getting high, and wait.... your parents find out and then your in BIG TROUBLE!!! and i mean big... grounded cant talk to anyone basically your jailed. but wait... whats this... you can take pills and they are easyer to hide and you get the same effect sometimes? well fuck yeah, put me down for that... and before you know it your taking vicitan and blowing your entire paycheck on the shit... i still have a big problem w that one... and you continue to spiral downward, eventully you move out of your house, so that way you can do what you want again, and then you discover shrooms.... lsd... oxycotton... coke.... heroin... just to get away... no more is it about the music... its about running away, you feel so bad for ending up the way you do that you get high... and then on your way back down you feel like ultamite shit, so you plan your next trip into the clouds and away you go... and soon reality is just a fucking dream, and you never go out and hang with your friends, and your real friends forgot your name, and guitar dosnt even look fun to play anymore, you just sit in your room, skipping school on this lovely friday, getting coked up and ready to smoke.... and everyone you know is fallen away, the only people that will still talk to you are people on the computer that you dont even know... that that is messed up...
im trying real hard to get back to where i was in life... its not easy when you constantly feel like shit, but ive maniged to cut back on the vicitan, and i dont touch hard shit too much anymore past lsd and shrooms.... but i wrote in my journal once "there are only two ways out of a spiral... up and over or down and out" meaning eather way your gonna die... but, i contemplate suicide every damn day... and sometimes i come pritty close... and then i also took up the art of slashing my leg to shit just becase i like to see the blood... sounds pritty fucking emo dosnt it??? eh??? but i dont tell people im doing it so go fuck yourselfs. i know i will be labeled... we all get labled... some of you will see me as a horrable fake attention snatcher... some of you might not.... either way, going on here and at least telling you what is going on is a good theripy and it makes me feel good until i get high again....
please someone help me
S N A K E
I will never understand what you are going through. I don't even know you. I really respect you for coming out and actually asking for help though. I wish I could help you. I've never tried drugs, but we have one thing in commone. Feeling like you are in a spiral and wanting to get out. I wanted to die. I cut myself because I wanted to see the blood also. It relieved the pain for a little bit, oddly. Well I'd rather not take up your page telling my life story, but I ended up in the hospital and it changed my life. If you want to talk to me, I'll gladly share my story and talk you through this. I don't know you, but I really respect you for asking for help. And don't feel so bad about your age, I'm 17, almost 18 and I feel a little like I don't belong on this site either, lol. But hey, you aren't alone, I have a lot of younger friends also. Age really doesn't matter, its more about maturity and if you can talk to them and not be annoyed, lol. Well like I said, message me. If you want help, I'll do what it takes to help you.
suburban.zombie, January 11th, 2008 at 11:39:44pm
Hey you. . .
I know I'm only 14 but, we have eachothers backs remember?
Yeah we don't exactly know eachother well, but I'm not gonna judge you. It had to be hard once yoou get that high and need it that much to cut back. When I told you about me being slightly suicidal a couple months ago, you asked me why and what was wrong. You gave me an internet shoulder to leab on without judging me.
I want to do the same. I don't care what you do as long as you come out ok. I want you to know that I will always be here to talk even if we don't talk for a while.
Remember please, I got your back.
the most influentiall people in this world are the ones that are most fukked up in the head
A really amazing person taught me that ( L )
FaLlEn _ AnGeL, January 11th, 2008 at 03:57:24pm
Just to be honest with you, I wish I could help you.
I really do. But, you see, I can't.
I'm a f*cked up person. So, please forgive me.
All I can do for you is to be here when you need someone to talk to.
brompton cocktail., January 11th, 2008 at 11:38:50am