It Goes Even Deeper
it was friday morning when i found out that three guys i knew were in a horrable highspeed acident... they were speeding down the road at night when a semi had its lights turned off... and was blocking the road... so the driver was decapitated, and the front seat passenger was severely injured (his status is still in question) and the backseat passenger is going to be ok... i knew the backseat passenger and the driver, unfortionatly, the driver is dead... good guy too... its a real shame, the other guy i did not know went to our school, and everyone is all upset cuse he might die... so naturally the entire friday was pritty tense... like real tense... its not me to break down and start crying, i dont cry, but i was very shaken about the driver who died... becuase a week before hand we had a nice long discussion about weed... and im not used to people i know dying... i gotta say it dosnt happen too often around me... we wernt that close of friends, but still... i knew that guy... and now i wont ever get to speak to him agian... his story is over...
that sent me pritty spiraling... i couldnt help it... all the lights were out... and i entered a dark place, and i broke a promise...
why are humans born with emotions? because i only get to experiance the bad ones, ive heard of good emotions before, and i think ive felt them from time to time... but i think im on the wrong end of the spectrum... fear, depression, anger, anxiety,... all regulars in my house... wheras happyness, love, care... they barely ever show up... instead i bite my lip and yell out some jibberish while i hit the bong for the fifth time,
its just pointless... my whole life rutine is pritty pointless... i dont really contribute to society... i just a;sldkfja;sldkfja;lsdkfja;sldkfjas;dlkfja;lsdkfjas;ldkfja;sldkfja;sdkfja;sldkfja;sldkfja;sldkfja;sldkfjas;dlkfjas;ldkfjas;ldkfja;lsdkfja;lsdkfja;lsdkfja;lsdkfja;lsdkfja;lsdkfja;lsdknzx.cvmnasd;oifhqwepiuhasdvmnzx;jcvhqw
i hate myself
but im trying hard for everyone else...
im trying
that sent me pritty spiraling... i couldnt help it... all the lights were out... and i entered a dark place, and i broke a promise...
why are humans born with emotions? because i only get to experiance the bad ones, ive heard of good emotions before, and i think ive felt them from time to time... but i think im on the wrong end of the spectrum... fear, depression, anger, anxiety,... all regulars in my house... wheras happyness, love, care... they barely ever show up... instead i bite my lip and yell out some jibberish while i hit the bong for the fifth time,
its just pointless... my whole life rutine is pritty pointless... i dont really contribute to society... i just a;sldkfja;sldkfja;lsdkfja;sldkfjas;dlkfja;lsdkfjas;ldkfja;sldkfja;sdkfja;sldkfja;sldkfja;sldkfja;sldkfjas;dlkfjas;ldkfjas;ldkfja;lsdkfja;lsdkfja;lsdkfja;lsdkfja;lsdkfja;lsdkfja;lsdknzx.cvmnasd;oifhqwepiuhasdvmnzx;jcvhqw
i hate myself
but im trying hard for everyone else...
im trying
. . .Broke a promise?
That hurts but in a way I'm sure whoever you broke that promise to will forgive you. I mean look at the circumstances. I'm sure there still willing to say their there for you and always will be. I'm sure that their gonna takl you rhough it all. And it'll all be ok. I'm sure that person still cares about you more than they care about alot of people. So no worries there. Cause your trying.
*HugsTight*
It;ll be ok
Love FaLlEn_AnGeL
FaLlEn _ AnGeL, January 20th, 2008 at 09:54:26pm
Akwardly enough, I kinda think I know how you feel. Theres this family that my mom knows their mom (that kinda relationship) and the rest of us didnt even know them, and them the same for us. I dont know how to spell their last name so im just gonna call em L. This woman's (my mom's friend) 20 year old son Danny L (same age as my sister) had just gotten out of Iraq (he was in the marine reserve so he goes in for about 18 months and then comes out, he can go back in if he wants to but doesnt have to) and had tried to get a job for the NYPD (thats New York City Police just in case no one knows). They turned him down for the time being because they asked the military if he was mentaly stable and they told them not 100%. Later on New Years Eve he had got drunk and had some sorta fight with his girlfriend (this is where i dont know the entire story), they made up and decided he should go back to his dad's house to get some sleep. And do he did, he made it to 2008 and on the next night, without telling anyone, took his car and his rifle to some random gas station and killed himself.
I never really knew him or why he did it. All I know is his story ended before it should have and for a cause that is unknown to the rest of his family and everyone else in the world.
Blarg!, January 20th, 2008 at 06:04:12pm
Death is perhaps the most terrible thing to ever happen in a humans life. Even if you knew the first well, or not so well, or even if they were a complete stranger.
Only you can make that happiness and that love come. Things have obviously not been to good for you...but that love and that care it'll be there. It may already be there, but the sadness and anxiety and depression are smothering you. This is when you need to look at your life and ask yourself why such things as love and care is missing. And than you need to change that .only you can.
Your life isnt pointless. If you are a religious person or not, you were born for a reason. Your life means something. You're only 18...it may feel like you haven't done anything to contribute, but you really have. Have you ever made someone smile? Ever made someone laugh? Thats contributing. You made someone happy. And happiness is something ever human searches for. You contribute more than you think. It may not be in a great sense...you may not have invtened something or found the cure to cancer but you do more than what you really think.
Don't hate yourself. You're trying. Thats more than what a lot of people do.
Hang in their. You're loved. You'll be happy. And you do something for the world...don't tell yourself you don't and don't let any tell you that you don't. Because you do.
Jessie.Tastic!, January 20th, 2008 at 05:45:56pm