R.I.P Uncle Billy

Damn. . .Well some of you knew this was comming. A week exactly befor christmas eve My Uncle Billy died. He lived in my house.
I can't exactly say we were close, but I loved him. Now, for those of you that did not know. Uncle Billy was an alcoholic. He had no liver. It started with internal bleeding. They got him to the hospital. He went into a coma. Then he needed a blood transfusion. After that he was on a 100% oxygen machiene. They decided there was no helping him. They let him go.

A month later and I am still continuing to try and cope. Thanks to my friends I am learning to deal. Only new problems are arising.
Two weeks ago I walked in the house to hear my mom bawling her eyes out in the basement. When I got down there she was on the phone with my Aunt Kate. My uncles ex wife. My unle never had alot of material things. His daughter ( my cousin Jessie ) wants some of his stuff. We understand that.
So my mom began to try and sort through his things. Something she was not ready for. And she called Kate to tell her that she would not be able to bring Uncle Billy's stuff up to Jessie that particular weekend. Well Jessie lost it. Jessie who is 18. Thought she had the right to bad mouth my mother!
So last weekend my mom put the stuff in a box and brought it up to the house. When nobody was home. when no body was there. She had to do that.
Uncle Billy is cremated. His ashes will be thrown in his and my moms old hangout. Where he was happiest.
It's hard to look at my house. Everything scream BILLY! I need to know he is ok. I'm catholic I do believe in God. I believe in Heaven. I just need to believe he actually made it there.

I guess writing this is part of the process. Learning to get over it. At the moment I am "studying" for exams. My Uncle died last month. I see a guidence councellor which is the smartest thing I have ever done. she helps. It isn't enough though. There seems to be this. . .hole or a void. where something belongs and yet nothing can fill. Damn. . .I'm crying yall.

So for those of you that have lost someone or are loosing someone. Your not alone. We are all in this together. We all loose people or are going to. One day we ourselves will be lost. And by then it will be some other 15 year old child hoping we were found.

thank you
Posted on January 21st, 2008 at 08:47pm


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