Miserable At Best.

She doesn't know whats wrong with her, all she knows is that she feels low, really low.
It all started around mid-august. She thought nothing of it, just hormones. Then she continued feeling really low, and sad, and she didn't know why. At first she thought it was this boy, and stopped talking to him. It didn't work, so obviously it wasn't the boy. She tried to think of what could be making her this upset, and couldn't find the reason. No matter how hard she tried, every spare minute of her time, was spent staring into space, thinking up ways to harm herself, or just staring there, thinking. She couldn't figure out what was wrong, and it was seriously making her angry.

One day, she was fed up with feeling this low. Mid-January, she wrote her friend a note, and it ended up in the guidance office, both girls in tears. The guidance office started to make her see this in-school therapist guy. She didn't enjoy the thought of baring her heart and soul to a total stranger. Every thing he said, lead back to the boy that she stopped being friends with. She didn't like him putting all the blame on the boy. She doesn't like being stuck in the room with him, and baring her heart, she finds him, strange. So, she refuses to talk to him.

Around the end of January, she began to feel just a little bit happier, but still not, happy. Now, almost the end of February, the girl is in a constant state of despair, sitting around moping, still thinking about death. To be honest, the only thing that stops her from killing herself, is the fact that she's scared of death. She feels as if shes in a dark pit, and can't climb out. She wants to scream, she wants to cry. She wants to live, and she wants to die. She has no clue whatsoever what is wrong with her.

The other night, she went on google and searched up "Signs and symptoms of Depression." , whilst searching, she came by an online quiz. She answered every question, truthfully. When she received her results of the quiz, it said she probably has severe depression, and should seek immediate help if shes thinking suicidal thoughts.

The girl doesn't really know what's wrong, and hopes its not depression. She doesn't find joy in most of the things she usually does. She doesn't understand and doesn't quite know what to do.

The girl, just so happens to be me, and I'm scared sh*tless. I don't know what to do, I HATE talking to the therapist man, because he always asks "what makes you feel like this?" and I always come up with the same answer, "I don't know."

And truthfully, I don't. I have no clue what makes me like this, and talking about it just makes me feel worse.
I don't want my friends to worry, and I don't want my mom thinking its her fault.

I have no clue about anything.
D:

One of my favourite songs is , "Miserable At Best" by Mayday Parade.
and truthfully, I know how it is to feel miserable at best.



thank you for reading.


I'm sorry if this scared any of you, in anyway.



Kaycie
<3
Posted on February 26th, 2008 at 05:41pm

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