best friend.

i love my friends. i love them so very much. sometimes i wonder if they love me back. it always makes me a little sad.

recently i was really surprised by my best friend. first of all, heres a little background on our relationship.

the first full year i lived in my city, 7th grade, was the year i started becoming friends with carrie. 8th grade we were best friends, we always hung out with each other and had a great time. we'd always spend the night at each other's house and have so much fun. when we got to high school things started to change. the beginning of the year and the summer before we hung out all the time and were still best friends. then i wasn't really surprised when she came out and said she was a lesbian. she never hit on me or anything but she just never acted like a girl and always had this obsession with her friend renee. so that was okay, i have nothing against lesbians, nothing changed between us. then, she liking this girl. this girl was complete redneck trailer trash, not to be mean to any one who lives in a trailer but she lived up to her stereotype. i had always had an issue with thinking carrie was mad at me so i asked her all the time. this didn't help. so a few weeks went by and i had some serious mental health problems. i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and when the doctor gave me the wrong type of medicine things spun out of control and i ended up in the hospital for two weeks. carrie never called me. my other best friend did, but carrie didn't. it really crushed me. when i got home and back to school after about a week carrie didn't seem to care about what happened. she had started to date that girl and that was all she talked about. i got so entirely jealous, this girl was ripping away my best friend who would have normally cared. so, i did something horrible. i told carrie's ex boyfriend that she was a lesbian and he spread it around the school. we didn't speak to each other for awhile but eventually we made. or so i thought. the trailer trash girl friend came after me one day, yelling in my face, grabing me, and trying to beat me up. this just killed me, my friendship with carrie was never the same. she'd say we were friends but then she'd make things worse with her girlfriend and me. i had to stop talking to her. for the first part of our sophmore year we became friends again. carrie was no longer dating the girl but started liking a straight girl, one of our mutual friends. we fought eventually and i used this information against her and told our friend. another big mistake. after that we stopped talking and for almost two entire years we didn't talk and pretty much hated each other. then something weird happend,

near the end of our junior year she started talking to me. somehow we became friends again...now we are seniors and we are almost to the point of where we left off. its really strange. i still wondered if our friend ship was real after all that happend. she couldn't possibly like me as much as she had before...but apperently i was wrong. on myspace she wrote a bulliten where you say things about 15 peole without mentioning their names. i read one and automatically knew it was about me. it mentioned our fall out and how she loved playing in our "band" we used to have. it almost made me cry because she called me her best friend and said she thought we would be friends forever. this made me so happy, she is the only best friend i have ever had. how did we survive such a bad fall out? i guess we really were meant to be friends forever. i'm so lucky to have her, but i still feel like we aren't that good of friends sometimes. she hardly ever invites me over, but then again i don't invite her over. she also works a lot and her new girl friend thinks every girl carrie hangs out with carrie also likes...idk. idk what to do about this, i really want us to be friends. she means a lot to me, she has been there for me a lot and even though we fought a lot she was still there and shes still here now..

i'm thankful that i have her, no matter what happens...