The one I call Dad.

to be honest, this blog isn't really about anything, its just here for my refrence
Five months old, and my parents started fighting. Not even a year, and they divorced. About a year old, when my mother started dating my step father. Would you like to know the reason my parents divorced? Yeah? So would I. My mom said its partially because my father drank, and "other stuff", I haven't really gotten that much out of her.
I guess you could say, I had a pretty chaotic childhood. Every other weekend with dad, and the rest of the time with my mom, it didn't help that my dad lives two and a half hours away.

My dad never came to anything, like my communion. That meant a lot to me, but my aunts came. His two sisters. But not him. I know all through to grade four, I pretty much talked to my dad a lot, and saw him a lot. But now a days, since we moved, I see him once...twice a year if I'm lucky. I don't exactly know why, but I never really call him, and when I do, he acts like he has better things to do with him time, then talk to his only daughter. Its hard on me, you know? Having a nine year old brother, and not being able to see him grow up. Having my grandmother being so old, so frail, and NEVER being able to see her. And not having my dad around, to help me with my problems, to talk to. Instead, I have his sister. My aunt. My godmother. I talk to her more than I talk to my own father. Pretty pathetic, I suppose.

So, grade five, and I went to Daddy's little girl, to Indifferent Daughter. Maybe puberty hightailed that? Or maybe I lost interest in my father. I actually think me and my dad started having less and less contact after one particularly bad homecoming.

So, it's natural for a ten year old to miss her dad after she spends four days with him. Right? And since she never sees her daddy, it just puts more stress on her when she has to say goodbye. Well, I got home, and all was well and good, until bedtime I suppose. My mom went to tuck me in, and I started bawling, and I wouldn't stop, for an hour or so. My mom got angry, I suppose. She said something, and what I clearly remember, was "What, Kaycie? Do you want to go live with your father for a year and see how much you'd like it then?" The next night, we had a huuuuuuge family talk, that even reduced my step dad into tears, for he was the one giving the talk. "I'm not trying to replace your father Kaycie, but I'd still like for you to think of me as a father figure."

And I do. My step dad is an amazing dad, to be honest at times he's a hell of a lot better father than my own dad, but my dad is an amazing father, nonetheless.

At the moment, I think my father is fighting over custody of my little brother, and I have no clue how thats going over. I'd really like my dad to get custody over Joey, and I really hope he does. When I go to my dad's, I have to go to my brother's moms house, just to see him, because she won't allow him to see my dad, because it's "too hard on Joey". And I truly believe that, because I know how it is, having to say goodbye to your dad, not knowing when you'll see him next.

I really miss my dad, the last time I saw him was Christmas time. And I haven't talked to him since, I just get too emotional. There's so many thing's I'd like to tell him, but I just can never get the time to.

There's so much more I could say in this blog, but I don't really know how to put my emotions into words, so I have four words.

I miss you Daddy


thanks for reading,

- Kaycie
<3









Posted on March 6th, 2008 at 08:01pm

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