Suddenly I see them cry.

I’m lying in this bed. It’s a white bed. The walls around me are all white, too, and the look on the people’s face is pale. They’re all looking at me. Why are they looking at me like that? I try to move but I can’t. I try to speak but my lips won’t move. I try to reach my hand for them but it won’t move. I try to scream but no sound. I’m panicking but no one can see. What is happening with me?

I see a tear rolling down my mother’s face but she tries to hide it. My little brother sees it but he pretends he hasn’t. His face is pale, too. His small hands cling onto each other and squeeze each other really tight. He’s looking insecurely from one side of the room to the other. I want to hug him and kiss his cheek. I hate to see him like that. Something must be worrying him, something he doesn’t seem to understand yet.

Another tear is sliding down my mother’s face. This time my dad notices and takes her in his arms. He holds her tight as more and more tears now run down her face. My dad is stroking her hair as he also is fighting with his tears. I’ve never seen him cry before; he’s a strong man who nothing can get down. But now I see this picture that is so new to me. A tear runs down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away and kisses his wife’s hair.

My mom gets out of my dad’s embrace and wipes her tears off. She takes a sip of water and looks at my brother. She opens her arms and lets him in, holding him tight as he clings onto her tight. I hate to see him sad. We’ve fought sometimes but that’s what siblings do, don’t they? He’s only five and he is my everything. He has this cute big brown eyes and a cheeky smile. He’s too cute for his own good.

Suddenly the door opens and a man enters the room. Who is this man? Where am I? What is happening? I look at the man. He is wearing a long white coat and sandals. He is carrying an envelope with something in. My parents immediately stand up and look at him in despair. The man looks down on the floor and takes a deep breath. Suddenly it hits me. I feel this aching pain all over my body. Again I try to scream, but this time out of pain. No one hears me, no sound comes out of my mouth. Then I feel something in my nose, in my mouth and just everywhere. Tubes. It’s tubes. Air tubes. I panic inside again but again no one notices. Suddenly I notice my leg is broken. I try to listen to what the man says but I can’t hear anymore. It’s all silent. Suddenly there is this beep in my head that goes faster and faster. Beep beep beep. It goes faster and faster. The man jumps to my bed and tries to do something I cannot make out. My family stands there, stiff, not able to move, tears all over their eyes. I notice my mom collapse until everything blacks out. I hear a long never ending beep. Then everything is white.

The pain is suddenly gone. It all hits me. I remember playing Uno with my family. I remember going out that night. My dad allowed me to have the car to drive to the party. Damn that party was so good. The cocktails were the best I’ve ever drank. I don’t remember much more about the party. Wait. I drank and then…I drank and I drove. Suddenly my heart aches. I’m dead. I’ve killed myself. I drove myself dead.

Why have I been so stupid? I’ve lost everything. My family, my friends. I’ve lost my life. This can’t be true. I’m only 18. What have I done?

I can still see them, but they can’t see me. I watch them day and night. They cry so much. Please stop crying, I love you all so much. I love you - I didn’t have a chance to tell them I love them once more. It all happened so suddenly.

My mom has started this campaign. I guess it helps her to deal with what I have done.
- Don’t drink and drive -
I wished I knew back then. I wished I could make it undone. I wished I didn't drink and drive.