I'm a Negative Creep?

I admit, I've done things I'm not proud of. What was it? Cheated on the girl I loved, that happened nearly 2 years, hard to believe its only been 2 years. I'll admit, I could have stopped what happened, got carried away, caught up in the moment, know what I mean? And unfortuneately it went a little further than just kissing. Don't ask for detail 'cause you wont get it. You're thinking "She caught you, didn't she?" You couldn't be farther from the truth. I told her myself, the guilt I felt afterwards was tremendous, I couldn't hold it inside, wether she would learn of it or not. And of course, she was pissed off beyond belief. And I don't blame her, she gave me one more chance, but as soon as she heard the full of what we did, she took it away. I thought that was a little unfair if you ask me. After that ordeal, I pretty much cried the whole next night, it hurt me that much. It amazes me how i hid it at school, guess I'm just a good liar. I told myself I wouldn't let anything similar happen again. Ever. I've been fine since then, the 2 years, haven't let myself get carried away, just casual flirting, nothing wrong with that, right? Just some honest fun, doesn't mean anything. And I've gone through 1 last relationship since that point. Thankfully cheating wasn't the ending factor. What was? Don't ask. And now I have one more, hopefully I can stay committed to this one, more so than the others, because once love leaves you, instead of leaving it that is, you always want it back. Frankly, I still regret that one day to this very day, September will be 2 years since it happened. Unfortuneately, I broke that promise I made to myself the other day with one of my friends (won't disclose name and don't you dare ask cause you arent gonna find out) but thankfully it's been put behind and I feel much better than I did. I've been called a creep and sometimes negative, hence the title. Creep? I'm not sure myself on that one. Negative? Easy, I've contimplated suicide every so often, but something always keeps me held back. And sometimes I make various negative comments, lol. Not much more to explain, just watned to write this down so I won't have to think about it.
Posted on April 8th, 2008 at 03:58pm


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