Where do we go from here?
For the past ten months, I've been in a relationship with this guy. He's everything I thought I wanted and after going on our first date, we became inseparable. He moved in with me and my family two months after we got together.
Fast forward to now and I'm in a dilemma.
You see, before we got together, I was teetering on getting back with my ex. The day before I met my current bf, I told my ex that he had broken my heart too many times and I couldn't put up with his games. I said that if he truly loved me, he would let me go completely. In turn, he told me he would always love me- he wanted us to get married someday and then he did what I asked. I haven't heard from him since.
I think part of the attraction to my bf was because he is similar to my ex in numerous ways. The way they talk, their laugh, thier interests... One of my friends actually thought my bf was my ex because they sounded so alike over the phone.
But recently I find myself missing my ex. In some ways I wish that we were still together. I dreamt that we were having an affair last night- it is something I think about alot but would never do.
I guess these feelings stem from what I'm going through with my bf. Before we got together, he was a semi-professional football player.
He broke his ribs during a match and ended up puncturing both his lungs. He had surgery, but the hospital messed things up, stayed there in hospital for almost six months and he hasn't been the same since he left. He's had to give up the only thing he was good at and it kills him now, that even when he plays for fun, his health is so poor he can't run without being in pain and having trouble breathing.
He tried to kill himself not long after coming out of hospital and was sectioned in a mental institute for a week then released, because they realised that it was a cry for help. He didn't actuallly wasnt to die. Since then, he hasn't been able to work, he lost all of his friends, his family didnt really care about him and his confidence was at an all time low. Then I came along and things started to get better for him.
Cut to the chase and basically, I'm struggling. His demons are resurfacing and I'm having to deal with the brunt of his problems. I cant go out, go on the net, speak to my friends about how I feel because of him being insecure. My ex added me on Facebook and I had to delete him because my bf and I had a major arguement.
Simple things like me saying Tre Cool is handsome causes an arguement and I cant take it anymore. When I do get then chance to go out, he wants to know who was there, who I was with, if any guys approached me... everything. When I'm on the phone, he wants to know who it was and what we spoke about... If he found out I wrote this, it would honestly cause so much hassle, I'm scared to carry on incase he reads it over my shoulder; something else he does when Im on the computer.
But I have to get this out.
I've told him how I feel, and he says he wont do it anymore; he doesnt want to hurt me, but yet thats all I feel he does. He has a vile temper and starts beating himself up physically or throwing things because he's angry. I know he'd never hit me, but it still scares and angers me to see him do that to himself. He has taken steps to get some help and talk to someone, but only because I gave him an ultimatum about it.
But now we're struggling because I'm working and he's not. It's getting harder to pay bills and just get through each day because we have no money. He's been on plently of job interviews and works when he can, but his pride has gotten in the way so many times, it prevents him from seeing anything beyond the point of his nose and keeping a job for the long term.
Nothing was ever this hard for me before he came along. Now everyday there is always something I have face, pay off or do and it's draining me. The crunch point came when last night he had a nightmare and he woke up screaming and crying and I felt nothing. Infact, I was so angry at him because he woke me up, amoungst other things, that I didn't go back to sleep for hours.
My friends tell me that love isn't supposed to hurt, but this one does. I question whether I really love him or if I'm still with him out of pity. And that's no basis for any relationship. I miss my ex because he had his own life; he gave me freedom and he could provide for me if I needed it, there was a passion there which still hasnt disipated even after a year and a supposed new love. It was stress free, and happy, though he could be an arsehole.
My bf knows somethings up, but I'm worried that if I tell him how I really feel, it could push him over the edge and I really don't want to be like his family; to turn my back on him when he's at a low point.
He is truly lovely beyond all of this- it's not all bad, but I really dont know where we go from here...
Fast forward to now and I'm in a dilemma.
You see, before we got together, I was teetering on getting back with my ex. The day before I met my current bf, I told my ex that he had broken my heart too many times and I couldn't put up with his games. I said that if he truly loved me, he would let me go completely. In turn, he told me he would always love me- he wanted us to get married someday and then he did what I asked. I haven't heard from him since.
I think part of the attraction to my bf was because he is similar to my ex in numerous ways. The way they talk, their laugh, thier interests... One of my friends actually thought my bf was my ex because they sounded so alike over the phone.
But recently I find myself missing my ex. In some ways I wish that we were still together. I dreamt that we were having an affair last night- it is something I think about alot but would never do.
I guess these feelings stem from what I'm going through with my bf. Before we got together, he was a semi-professional football player.
He broke his ribs during a match and ended up puncturing both his lungs. He had surgery, but the hospital messed things up, stayed there in hospital for almost six months and he hasn't been the same since he left. He's had to give up the only thing he was good at and it kills him now, that even when he plays for fun, his health is so poor he can't run without being in pain and having trouble breathing.
He tried to kill himself not long after coming out of hospital and was sectioned in a mental institute for a week then released, because they realised that it was a cry for help. He didn't actuallly wasnt to die. Since then, he hasn't been able to work, he lost all of his friends, his family didnt really care about him and his confidence was at an all time low. Then I came along and things started to get better for him.
Cut to the chase and basically, I'm struggling. His demons are resurfacing and I'm having to deal with the brunt of his problems. I cant go out, go on the net, speak to my friends about how I feel because of him being insecure. My ex added me on Facebook and I had to delete him because my bf and I had a major arguement.
Simple things like me saying Tre Cool is handsome causes an arguement and I cant take it anymore. When I do get then chance to go out, he wants to know who was there, who I was with, if any guys approached me... everything. When I'm on the phone, he wants to know who it was and what we spoke about... If he found out I wrote this, it would honestly cause so much hassle, I'm scared to carry on incase he reads it over my shoulder; something else he does when Im on the computer.
But I have to get this out.
I've told him how I feel, and he says he wont do it anymore; he doesnt want to hurt me, but yet thats all I feel he does. He has a vile temper and starts beating himself up physically or throwing things because he's angry. I know he'd never hit me, but it still scares and angers me to see him do that to himself. He has taken steps to get some help and talk to someone, but only because I gave him an ultimatum about it.
But now we're struggling because I'm working and he's not. It's getting harder to pay bills and just get through each day because we have no money. He's been on plently of job interviews and works when he can, but his pride has gotten in the way so many times, it prevents him from seeing anything beyond the point of his nose and keeping a job for the long term.
Nothing was ever this hard for me before he came along. Now everyday there is always something I have face, pay off or do and it's draining me. The crunch point came when last night he had a nightmare and he woke up screaming and crying and I felt nothing. Infact, I was so angry at him because he woke me up, amoungst other things, that I didn't go back to sleep for hours.
My friends tell me that love isn't supposed to hurt, but this one does. I question whether I really love him or if I'm still with him out of pity. And that's no basis for any relationship. I miss my ex because he had his own life; he gave me freedom and he could provide for me if I needed it, there was a passion there which still hasnt disipated even after a year and a supposed new love. It was stress free, and happy, though he could be an arsehole.
My bf knows somethings up, but I'm worried that if I tell him how I really feel, it could push him over the edge and I really don't want to be like his family; to turn my back on him when he's at a low point.
He is truly lovely beyond all of this- it's not all bad, but I really dont know where we go from here...
well, do you think it is worth it? if everything changes right now and he is happy again and you guys don't fight again, will you be happy? or, will you still have feelings for your ex? and, are you feeling this way because you keep thinking about your ex? if you knew that there was no possible way you would get back with your ex would you be feeling this way? these kinds of things have sort of been going through my mind too...theres this guy i keep thinking about even though i have a boyfriend i've been dating for almost two years. the guy i keep thinking about is a guy who used to like me and i turned down for who knows what reason about three years ago. we were close friends for awhile, and i started to wonder why i made that decision. but i love my boyfriend even when we fight and i would be unhappy without him. plus, the other guy would probably never like me again. its been years and hes moved on, so have i. so even though for awhile i thought it would be better to drop my problems and run to him, i now know that will probably be impossible. i love my boyfriend. if you love your boyfriend, then you might want to reconsider things. if you don't, then by all means leave. he seems to be treating you like crap. no matter what, you need to talk about this with him. if he makes a big deal, well then obviously he doesn't care much about keeping you and i suggest you leave. sorry if this comment was confusing or anything, its rather long! well good luck with whatever you decided to do, i hope everything works out to your benefit.
suburban.zombie, April 18th, 2008 at 08:20:27pm
I kind of agree with Jasmin on this one. Getting hurt while going after a dream is hard. It happened to me my junior year of high school with my knee, and I've never been able to play the same way again. The girl I was dating at the time, I was dating for about 4 years, we lived together and everything, the second I wanted to make the next step, I found her in bed with my best friend. At the time, I didn't realize that maybe the physical pain I was feeling, turned into emotional pain for her. Which sounds like what your going through. The best thing to do, is to talk to him. A suggestion, find out if he can coach a football team. If he goes back to the high school he went too, or even a local team, there's bound to be a team open for a coach, which might actually help him to deal with the emotional and physical pain he's going through.
matt., April 17th, 2008 at 05:47:18pm
that's a really difficult situation and it's really hard to do "the right" thing because either say someone's gonna cry. you feel like if you leave him he's gonna hurt really bad and stand there without anyone. Maybe you even frighten he might do anything bad. But I think it's yourself you have to think of first...and that doesn't mean that you're selfish. The relationship is hurting you, too. If you stay with him you might lose yourself and become someone you don't want to. If you leave him you are scared of how he will react to it. If you ask me, all you can do is talk to him properly, tell him how you feel. Tell him he means a lot to you but you can't go on like that. If the situation doesn't change you can offer him to be his friend. But not more. I know it would be a hard step to go but for you it would be the best :/
*hugs*
i hope i helped at least a little :s
ily <3
Love, April 17th, 2008 at 12:49:34pm
Woah..I don't really know what to say..
captain america, April 16th, 2008 at 09:36:10pm