Time to Reflect.
I need something to believe in
cuz I don’t believe in my self
I'm sick and tired of getting no where
guess it’ll all work out
And I don’t mind any more
As I sat peacefully in the library letting my essay on voting systems pass me by completely, I lost myself. I sat surrounded by people but had never felt more alone in my life. The air around me felt empty and the glances sent my way were full of pity and compassion.
Time to reflect:
So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I’m getting used to it, you have to get used to it
I've grown weak and tired. I can no longer face trying to please people before thinking of myself. I feel so drained of all the energy and life I used to carry. A good friend of mine, in fact she's one of the best as she's stuck by me, told me to start being more selfish, taking myself into accout above others as I've done enough of thinking of other people. Well you know she's right but she also knows its one of the hardest things I've been ever asked to do. I have no idea what has happened to me this past month or two. I walk with my head down and I drag my feet. I used to be full of confidence and energy but now, its all been sucked out of me.
All i want is to be able to say that I'm happy. Without having to fake a smile or hold back tears while i'm lying through my teeth. I've spent too long lying to myself and my family and friends. Through it all I've lost some friends who I realized were no longer worthy of my trust nor are they capable of supporting me. I wish someone would take the time to sit by me and hear my story instead of thinking I have a heart of stone and that I just don't care about anyone but myself. I want them to see the truth.
I see it in your eyes, you'll be alright
I want you to see that I'm hurting, that I'm struggling. I want you to see my tears fall so that you realize I'm human too. I want you to know that I want so hard to please you and live up to your expectations but i can't.
In time things will return to normal, but until then all I need is support.
But I get carried away
with every phrase and made up malady
The longer I hide behind these lies,
The more I disintegrate
So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
You never get used to it, you just have to live with it.
lyrics from: 'I need something' by Newton Faulkner and 'Broken Heart' by Motion City Soundtrack.
cuz I don’t believe in my self
I'm sick and tired of getting no where
guess it’ll all work out
And I don’t mind any more
As I sat peacefully in the library letting my essay on voting systems pass me by completely, I lost myself. I sat surrounded by people but had never felt more alone in my life. The air around me felt empty and the glances sent my way were full of pity and compassion.
Time to reflect:
So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I’m getting used to it, you have to get used to it
I've grown weak and tired. I can no longer face trying to please people before thinking of myself. I feel so drained of all the energy and life I used to carry. A good friend of mine, in fact she's one of the best as she's stuck by me, told me to start being more selfish, taking myself into accout above others as I've done enough of thinking of other people. Well you know she's right but she also knows its one of the hardest things I've been ever asked to do. I have no idea what has happened to me this past month or two. I walk with my head down and I drag my feet. I used to be full of confidence and energy but now, its all been sucked out of me.
All i want is to be able to say that I'm happy. Without having to fake a smile or hold back tears while i'm lying through my teeth. I've spent too long lying to myself and my family and friends. Through it all I've lost some friends who I realized were no longer worthy of my trust nor are they capable of supporting me. I wish someone would take the time to sit by me and hear my story instead of thinking I have a heart of stone and that I just don't care about anyone but myself. I want them to see the truth.
I see it in your eyes, you'll be alright
I want you to see that I'm hurting, that I'm struggling. I want you to see my tears fall so that you realize I'm human too. I want you to know that I want so hard to please you and live up to your expectations but i can't.
In time things will return to normal, but until then all I need is support.
But I get carried away
with every phrase and made up malady
The longer I hide behind these lies,
The more I disintegrate
So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
You never get used to it, you just have to live with it.
lyrics from: 'I need something' by Newton Faulkner and 'Broken Heart' by Motion City Soundtrack.
of course hun whenever you're ready
*hugs
hun no one can beat you as a friend you are just wonderful
as long as you're ok im ok <3
&& what did i say about tears?
mr celery WILL meet mr ears D:
xxx
paper heart., April 25th, 2008 at 05:58:44pm
I just cried.
That is 100% me.
you are not alone in this. please keep pushing through, you'll make it.
I would leave you an extremely long heartfilled comment, but I don't know what to say. this blog really touched me...:| not dirty way btw...xD
Bubble Wrap., April 23rd, 2008 at 10:26:54pm
oh for crying out loud, i'm sure you just say nice things so i cry xD EVIL! aha.
okay joking aside.
you have in no way failed as a friend, i don't ever want to hear you say that!
I have taken your advice on board. And i'm trying!
You know me too well and yes I am bottling things up because I don't like to burden people. Which is one hurdle I need to overcome. When i'm ready I'll talk about it but believe me writing this blog helped.
In my own ways I'll show you how I feel but I'm just not one to talk about it.
Please don't take offence to it its just who I am but I'm sure you know that (:
I love you to bits and I wonder where I'd be without you. You're an inspiration to me and if i could I'd drop everything to come meet you. But we both know that isn't possible.
When the time is right, I'll spout out what I'm feeling and I'm what I'm not.
But for now know that I am okay. I am. Truly.
<3x
serenade sarahh, April 23rd, 2008 at 02:57:48pm
i meant what i said hun
I know its hard and prehaps im asking you to be selfish for my own selfish reasons because i cant bear to see you hurt
saz i am not by any stretch of imagination a good person or a good enough friend to be considered
however i know if i love you this much there are many more out there who possibly love you even more
we are right here, forget behind, we're besides you
you know what song reminds me of you?
Guardian Angel by RJA.
you know it well i think
im always here and this time i rly do mean it and i really will take action on my words
you told me you were fine and i dont want to push you but i know there's a load more bottling up inside you
i feel iv failed you as a friend because i live so many miles away
but please believe me if i could i would jump on the next train to your house.
Never be afriad to call out for any of us, your pals on the net want to help you just as much as those in real life
even if atm some of them dont show enough interest
you have lent us your strength and energy for much too long
you are a wonderful and amazing character
I swear to god sometimes i wish i had a daughter just so you could be her godmother
truly thats what you are, a fairy godmother.
But now my dear it is time you took on your role as Cinderella.
You SHALL go to the ball.
<3
paper heart., April 23rd, 2008 at 01:21:38pm
gawd sarah :[
I feel like I'm relating to you honestly,
we really need to talk more.
ilyilyily
hollywood tragedy., April 23rd, 2008 at 10:01:10am
aww sarah,
even though we aren't always online at the same time,
know i'm here for you always.
-hugs tight-
ily<3
dancepaigeydance;, April 23rd, 2008 at 09:17:36am