I can't take it

I don't think it's a cry for attention, I think I'm really depressed and I can't get any advice.

My boyfriend and I just broke up about a month ago, we dated for a year and a half. I loved him so much. So very much. I suppose if you stay in a relationship for so long, you start to take it for granted and not really feel what you should all the time. That's what I did. I sort of drifted. I mean, our relationship wasn't perfect, they never are for anyone. And we were getting down each other's throats a lot and arguing, so I thought we would be better off alone. Plus my hormones were sucking, since I'm a teen and all, that's what happens I guess. I thought I was ready to move on just because there was another guy that I had the hots for.
Now, there's this. I basically told Taylor (the ex) to give me a week to figure it all out. And only a couple days afterwards, he was already talking to other girls and trying to "forget". Although it's obvious he still misses me because he won't listen to any music of mine, he won't talk to me, and when I went to his house to talk to him today, he wouldn't stand close to me...
And he wouldn't talk to me much. He won't admit that he misses me, and he does. He said he needed to keep himself occupied with other girls. Now, if that isn't saying he misses me, then what is?
I know I hurt him when I first broke up with him. I put him through hell, and for that I feel terrible. I really do. I told him I didn't mean to, and I told him even when we first broke up I was wanting to get back with him in the not too distant future. I told him I just needed to figure some things out. But since he was so upset, and still is, he refuses to hear what I have to say.
Now I'm the one feeling like hell. And now he's blinded by his incredible denial.
Now I'm too scared to get to close to any other guys, and I am barely functioning.
I want summer to end already, and I want to just die. I hate being alive. This boy was my friend, my buddy, my lover, my air. I did everything with him. We vacationed, we laughed, cried, did nothing, and had passionate moments. It was great, and unfortunately, I couldn't see that while we were still together. It took this to make me not be so blinded myself.

Now I want to just die. I hate existing. I hate all of this.