Advice Please?
I try not to make blogs about personal issues because I know they're not the most interesting thing to read about in the world, but I'm really at a loss here.
I've spent a good portion of my summer at my dad's house. I don't see him as often as I'd like to, seeing as how when my parents got divorced my mom moved 5 hours away. I have a really good relationship with my dad, we rarely fight or argue about anything.
However, I can't say the same for my relationship with my mother. After my parent's got divorced, she decided it would be fun to act like she was 21 again instead of a mom in her thirties, and a lot of her responsibility was placed on me, and I couldn't handle it. I love my mom, but I'll never forgive her for that, and things between us still remain quite tense.
Last night my mom called, and she got in an argument with my dad because I've stayed at his house longer than their custody "agreement" allows. This was completely random on her part, because before I even left she knew when I planned on coming home, and had no objections.
Anyways, their conversation ended with my dad saying "I'm not fighting with you while the kids are here," and he hung up on her. It really infuriates me when she does things like that to my dad, and I called her back and we got into a fight and I told her I was never coming home, but I know I have to, I can't legally stay here.
After I calmed down, my dad was talking to me and he said if I was truly that unhappy living with her, he could talk to his lawyer about changing the custody agreement. I don't know if I want to do that. I remember going through their last custody battle, and it was horrible. I could handle it now, but I have younger siblings, and I don't know if I should put them through that. They were too young to remember what happened last time, lucky for them.
I'm 16, in two more years she can't tell me what to do anyways, and I won't have to visit my dad on her fucking schedule, but god two years is a long time. That's a lot of arguing, fighting and general unhappiness to endure. I know I could probably deal with it, but I'm sick of "dealing" with our relationship. I shouldn't have to. I also think maybe some time apart might be good for us, you know?
Custody cases can take months. I don't know if its worth it or not. Help?
I've spent a good portion of my summer at my dad's house. I don't see him as often as I'd like to, seeing as how when my parents got divorced my mom moved 5 hours away. I have a really good relationship with my dad, we rarely fight or argue about anything.
However, I can't say the same for my relationship with my mother. After my parent's got divorced, she decided it would be fun to act like she was 21 again instead of a mom in her thirties, and a lot of her responsibility was placed on me, and I couldn't handle it. I love my mom, but I'll never forgive her for that, and things between us still remain quite tense.
Last night my mom called, and she got in an argument with my dad because I've stayed at his house longer than their custody "agreement" allows. This was completely random on her part, because before I even left she knew when I planned on coming home, and had no objections.
Anyways, their conversation ended with my dad saying "I'm not fighting with you while the kids are here," and he hung up on her. It really infuriates me when she does things like that to my dad, and I called her back and we got into a fight and I told her I was never coming home, but I know I have to, I can't legally stay here.
After I calmed down, my dad was talking to me and he said if I was truly that unhappy living with her, he could talk to his lawyer about changing the custody agreement. I don't know if I want to do that. I remember going through their last custody battle, and it was horrible. I could handle it now, but I have younger siblings, and I don't know if I should put them through that. They were too young to remember what happened last time, lucky for them.
I'm 16, in two more years she can't tell me what to do anyways, and I won't have to visit my dad on her fucking schedule, but god two years is a long time. That's a lot of arguing, fighting and general unhappiness to endure. I know I could probably deal with it, but I'm sick of "dealing" with our relationship. I shouldn't have to. I also think maybe some time apart might be good for us, you know?
Custody cases can take months. I don't know if its worth it or not. Help?
I'm going through the same sort of thing. My Dad lives in another part of the country and I'd do anything to live with him and my little brothers, but legally I can't right now. Even if I could, it's alot to go through.
I do agree, you need to talk to your Mum and try your best not to agrue or else she'll just be more angry about letting you live with your Dad.
And about your younger siblings, do they want to live with your Dad too? Because you could just move by yourself and they could decide whether to live with your father when they're a bit older..?
I guess if you feel you need to that strongly, do anything.
germma margaret!, August 13th, 2008 at 06:10:16am
first of all, i'm sorry, hun. being torn between people
you love is hard, and i can't imagine how hard this must
be for you. but i think that you should talk to your mom,
explain to her how you feel. explain how she contributes,
how your dad contributes, how you yourself contribute.
tell her that you love both of them, but you can't handle
the fighting anymore. try to talk to her calmly, ya know,
like try to have a healthy out in the open conversation
where you both can talk about how you feel. if that doesn't
work, then yes. i think that the custody thing might be good.
no one should have to "deal" with a parent relationship.
i hope everything works out okay for you.
get famous, August 12th, 2008 at 08:33:59pm
It always seems like the parent of the oppisite gender is there for you. I could never bring myself to say i hate my mom with a strait face, but my dad is......my dad. I kinda know how you feel.
The choice that seems right would be to stay with your father, but we all know things aren't always as they seem. As was said in the previous comments, it would prolly be best to talk it over with both parents at different times in different places. I don't know whats best, but someone else might.
Blarg!, August 12th, 2008 at 04:58:28pm
Yeah, I agree with Hello, My Name is a$. Try talking to your mom. I think you should live with your father to tell you the truth, it seems like you enjoy his company more than your moms. Maybe he could get a temporary custody change, have you and your younger siblings live with him for a while just to try it out and see if it makes a difference.
Good Luck Kurtni! GSB is here for you!
Barney Stinson, August 12th, 2008 at 02:55:55pm
That's a pretty tough situation. To be honest, I think it's best if you talk it out with your mom. It happens that, in a lot of divorces, one parent feels like the other one is sort of 'kidnapping' their children. It's almost like they're in competition over being the favourite. Maybe if you try talking with her to calm her down a bit, she won't be so harsh. :\
And if that doesn't work out, go through custody changes. It'll feel better once you're out of there.
But aren't you legally aloud to decide who you want to live with at 16? Or is that just where I live?
Hello, My Name Is Asshole, August 12th, 2008 at 01:57:46pm
Parents aren't always the most understanding, or I'd say to talk to her.
It really all depends on what you think is best. Nobody can just come in and say, do htis, this is the best, becasue it might come back and be the worst decision of your life. But sometimes, when I can't decide, I'll flip a coin, get mad at the result, flip it again, be as cunfused as ever, flip it one more time, and get really angry and destroy something. I suggest eenie meenie miney moe.
PCG, August 12th, 2008 at 12:51:59pm