omfg.

so i deleted my last blog. cause i'm quite p*ssed.

josh decided, after touching my boob, kissing my shoulder, and cuddling up next to me with a shared blanket in my twin bed to call me ant one in the f-ing morning to clarify that he does that with all his friends and he doesn't like me as more than a friend, mainly because i am "too insecure". then he lectured me for FORTY MINUTES on how to not be insecure and all the ways i am insecure. so it lasted till almost two in the morning with him listing the reasons why he doesn't like me and me crying and him telling me in a rude way to "why are you crying? stop crying. theres no reason to cry".

he doesn't act that way to all his friends. in fact, i've never seen him act so sexual before in my life. oh and he kept telling me to strip for him. what the f*ck ever. it was flirting. so i think he's a pretty big as*hole right now. the next day he texted me in the morning to ask if i wanted to have brunch with him. then he followed me and my room mate to walmart and big lots, got upset cause we went to taco bell instead of burger king. after that, my room mate had to go somewhere so he decided to just stay in my room with me. then he actually took my to his house! something he never does! we talked to his parents and got his laptop, in his room, then left. he continued to hang out with me pretty much the rest of the day till we had to go to our next orientation class. ever since then hes been following me around like crazy. so my friend andrea and my room mate anna have been pretty p*ssed off at him for doing that to me. i don't want to lose our like six year friendship over a stupid crush, so i'm trying to tolerate his strange obsessive behavior. today he followed me around again until dinner. at dinner he sat with my friends andrea, anna, tabby, and margo. we started talking about girl stuff then andrea made a really bad gay joke. he got up and sat at another table, pouting.

its been an inside joke that hes gay. not to be cocky, but i'm not an ugly girl. i have everything in common with him. hes even said i'm pretty before. if he doesn't like me, well then i don't know whats up with him other than being gay. i mean, he knows every word and obscure fact to rent. loves girl music. has about one guy friend. idk...i hope hes not gay because for some reason i'm clinging to the hope that if i play hard to get, which i have been, he'll try to get me back, which it seems like hes doing. and if maybe i become more cocky like him he'll like me. he also mentioned that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend cause he just broke up with his ex. i understand that cause i just broke up with my ex and i dont' really want a boyfriend quite yet either.

even though i just met andrea, shes become one of my best friends. shes extremely loyal. shes ready to totally be a bitch to josh. i dont' want to go that far, but i laughed so hard at her gay joke at lunch..

oh yeah, and now josh is being very hypocritical by complaining about how he doesn't have as close of a relationship with everyone as i do. of course he has a close relationship with me, but hes complaining. and hes in my dorm ALL THE TIME. some people see him as much as they see me. its sad really. and i don't understand how he can be so judgmental about my insecurities and say he has one when he has this really major one. PLUS hes been telling me that he hates it when i complain about his insulting "jokes". today he said "why do you hate me?" and "why are you being so mean?" i've turned in to a more confidant person and he seems to have regressed. its pssing me off right now...

i don't know what to think of him anymore.