hmm

i did it again.
i hung out with ryan.
i said i wouldn't, i said he was too boring, i said it was going no where. but then he asked to hang out again...i couldn't say no.

idk what to do. i'm so tired of sitting around and watching the guys i like disappear. i think i have a chance with someone only to figure out that i didn't. i find a guy and like him and he's single then he goes to liking some younger girl.

i honestly do not know if ryan likes me, and i'm leaning towards no. so its torture when he's here. i have this absolutely gorgeous guy lying on my bed, talking to me, torturing me with his tantalizing smile. i can't move. can't find the right words around him. so i blurt out random stuff that just doesn't matter.

when hes with me i feel so happy. but its bittersweet. every time we are sitting and watching a movie we are so close our shoulders are touching and i wish more than anything he'd put that arm around me or grab my hand that is so close to his. it doesn't happen. and i feel lost. i wonder is it because he is shy? or is it because he just doesn't like me like that. ...

leaning towards the last one.

i gave up on expecting anything out of him. but i'll always wish. for now i'll try to be happy with our friendship. but i will always wish for more.
Posted on October 28th, 2008 at 01:52am

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