our souls have caught on fire...
some of you guys think i go from guy to guy...but just to let you know, this is about the same guy i've liked forever, Ryan. so don't try saying that this time, k?
so i've wrote a bunch about how all me and Ryan do is watch movies. well last night i FINALLY got him to bring his xbox over. and for the first time, i REALLY had fun with him =]
he was still painfully silent sometimes.
but i just kept talking about how i was going to kill him. we were playing Call of Duty 4, his favorite game that he plays all the time everyday for hours and hours. so of course i couldn't really kill him that much lol. but when i did...he was cute. lol. he'd be like "oh you were just lucky." and sometimes hit his controller. lol. he's so very adorable. i just want to be with him, i think i could get him to open up more. i don't get it, he hugs me so tight, why can't he like me. i keep trying to prove i'm awesome. lol. i think one of the best ways is to show him i'm a gamer girl =]
storm says that its hot to gamers when girls play video games. hope hes right.
speaking of storm. sigh. he called me last night at midnight, while Ryan was there. i just about died. he was having some sort of crisis, said he was about to have a panic attack. so he calls me. this is proving it, he is relying on me too heavily. i'm his ex girlfriend. its just weird and confusing to me, and we sometimes end up admitting that both of our lives turned to shit after i left him. and i sure don't know what to think of that...well anyway, of course i couldn't really talk to him. he told me this story about something else shelby did and i didn't have much to say cause i was still trying to play Call of Duty 4, lol. i feel kind of bad, but then again no. I was having Ryan over, even thought storm was having some what of a crisis it could have waited, it was freaking midnight. and he KNEW i was hanging out with Ryan, i let him know that before Ryan came over. whats even more frustrating is he isn't taking my advice at all yet he is still coming to me for solutions. maybe he thinks i'll change my answer. idk. but i'm calling him after my last class cause he left me a message on msn that he was sick today so he didn't go to school and i can call him if i want. its going to be weird. but i have to talk to him about this, and it needs to not be on the internet.
but back to Ryan. it seems like hes been showing more interest in me lately. he is actually talking to me first on msn instead of making me talk to him. its crazy. i think it might have had something to do with a bulletin i posted on myyearbook...it was called "RANT". and thats what it was. a rant. about many things, one of which was Ryan. i didn't say his name, but he had to know it was about him if he read it. it was all about how i was sorry i wasn't pretty like my pictures are and how i'm trying and how i like him and all that stuff. so maybe he knows i like him now. but maybe he didn't read that and he doesn't know but he's just learned that its easier to talk to me if he wants than to wait for me to talk to him. idk. the situation is just f*cked up. maybe i should just go ahead and tell him that i like him, see what happens. what do i really have to lose? i guess just my pride...i don't want to lose that...but i'm afraid i will if i tell him, i'm so afraid that he never liked me and never will....
so i've wrote a bunch about how all me and Ryan do is watch movies. well last night i FINALLY got him to bring his xbox over. and for the first time, i REALLY had fun with him =]
he was still painfully silent sometimes.
but i just kept talking about how i was going to kill him. we were playing Call of Duty 4, his favorite game that he plays all the time everyday for hours and hours. so of course i couldn't really kill him that much lol. but when i did...he was cute. lol. he'd be like "oh you were just lucky." and sometimes hit his controller. lol. he's so very adorable. i just want to be with him, i think i could get him to open up more. i don't get it, he hugs me so tight, why can't he like me. i keep trying to prove i'm awesome. lol. i think one of the best ways is to show him i'm a gamer girl =]
storm says that its hot to gamers when girls play video games. hope hes right.
speaking of storm. sigh. he called me last night at midnight, while Ryan was there. i just about died. he was having some sort of crisis, said he was about to have a panic attack. so he calls me. this is proving it, he is relying on me too heavily. i'm his ex girlfriend. its just weird and confusing to me, and we sometimes end up admitting that both of our lives turned to shit after i left him. and i sure don't know what to think of that...well anyway, of course i couldn't really talk to him. he told me this story about something else shelby did and i didn't have much to say cause i was still trying to play Call of Duty 4, lol. i feel kind of bad, but then again no. I was having Ryan over, even thought storm was having some what of a crisis it could have waited, it was freaking midnight. and he KNEW i was hanging out with Ryan, i let him know that before Ryan came over. whats even more frustrating is he isn't taking my advice at all yet he is still coming to me for solutions. maybe he thinks i'll change my answer. idk. but i'm calling him after my last class cause he left me a message on msn that he was sick today so he didn't go to school and i can call him if i want. its going to be weird. but i have to talk to him about this, and it needs to not be on the internet.
but back to Ryan. it seems like hes been showing more interest in me lately. he is actually talking to me first on msn instead of making me talk to him. its crazy. i think it might have had something to do with a bulletin i posted on myyearbook...it was called "RANT". and thats what it was. a rant. about many things, one of which was Ryan. i didn't say his name, but he had to know it was about him if he read it. it was all about how i was sorry i wasn't pretty like my pictures are and how i'm trying and how i like him and all that stuff. so maybe he knows i like him now. but maybe he didn't read that and he doesn't know but he's just learned that its easier to talk to me if he wants than to wait for me to talk to him. idk. the situation is just f*cked up. maybe i should just go ahead and tell him that i like him, see what happens. what do i really have to lose? i guess just my pride...i don't want to lose that...but i'm afraid i will if i tell him, i'm so afraid that he never liked me and never will....
i play video games with one of my best friends and he just laughs at me lol
Meerkat, November 4th, 2008 at 05:23:04pm
lol. well storm said it over and over again when we were dating, he always told me i was so awesome because of it. lol. but then again, storm is a strange, strange boy. he was also obsessed with my legs when i wore leggings...weirddd...
but i can kind of see where hes coming from. i mean, its probably true for anything, if a girl/guy likes to do something you like to do it makes you a bit more compatible.
suburban.zombie, November 4th, 2008 at 11:05:19am
storm says that its hot to gamers when girls play video games. hope hes right.
haha, that made me laugh. Ive never really thought of it before. Could be very true for some, but im not really into video games like i used to be.
Blarg!, November 4th, 2008 at 10:34:24am