i am so ready,

other people's blogs on here are really making me think of this past year.
i'm not going to name certain ones, because i've just been reading randomly.

i've cried thinking about how bad i was hurt at the end of last school year,
and how the best friend put my heart back together,
and then about how bad she hurt me later on.
about how she was with so many other people when she was with me,
and how i just kept forgiving, and trying to forget,
because i thought she was the one.
i've cried thinking about the shit she put me through,
with her being "suicidal", i was always scared and having to talk her out of it.
when she was pissed off, i had to be pissed off until she was completely over it.
but when i had a problem, she just said "aww baby i'm so sorry",
and i had to get over it fast, so we could talk about something else, and get happy.
i've cried thinking about how much i realize now that she didn't even give a fuck,
and about how long it took for that finally to get through my head.
and about how terrible and selfish she actually is,
and about all of the guys she is breaking right now,
and about how i don't even care for her anymore.
i want to care so bad, because i remember she meant so much.
but i don't need her anymore, at all.
i have moved on forever, and i can live without her forever.

then i've smiled like a retard thinking about how much all that pain was finally worth.
and about how i have finally found someone,
that i know i can trust in forever, that has said forever,
and i can look into their eyes, and know that every word is true.
i've smiled thinking about how i thought it used to be just a hopeless crush.
about all the times at the beginning of this school year,
where just being around her and seeing her smile gave me such butterflies.
i've smiled thinking about the breathe carolina show we went to together,
thinking about standing at her side the whole time in the crowd,
never taking my eyes off of her, just because she looked so beautiful in that light.
how she looks so beautiful in any light, anytime, of any day.
i've smiled thinking about the day after the show,
how she came to the restaurant i was at on my birthday just to say hello,
and how i ran the fastest i've ever ran before, just to hug her so close.
i've smiled thinking about October 23, 2008, the day after my birthday,
the day i finally realized i couldn't deny those butterflies anymore!
the day that she said she loved me too,
the best day of my life, the day that she became mine, and i became hers, forever.
i've smiled thinking about all the amazing times we've had since;
just driving in her car, going to random school events just to see eachother,
then our first kiss(gahh<3), her smile when we looked in eachother's eyes afterward and exchanged giggles & iloveyou's, and every single second i've spent at her side so far.
i've smiled thinking about how we made it through my parents finding out about us,
about how they yelled and hated it so much, but i stood up to them,
and it felt so great, because i knew it was finally for something real.
about how she makes me so invincible.

in the midst of this thinking i was listening to nevershoutnever!
and his new song entitled "30 days" says,
30 days til christmas, and all i know,
is i'm not quite ready to let go of this past year.


it made me realize that i am the exact opposite...

i am so ready to let go!
i am so ready for thanksgiving, to finally really have something to be thankful for, always.
i am so ready to buy her a christmas gift, and see her eyes sparkle when she opens it.
i am so ready to start over, a new year, with the past and everyone in it completely out of our way.
i am so ready for my parents to get used to the fact that i love her.
i am so ready for us to be old enough to get away.
i am so ready to be able to wake up every morning just to see her beautiful face.
i am so ready to go to england with her, everywhere else she's dreamed of. (and canada, hehe)
i am so ready to spend every second with her.
i am so ready to just hold her in my arms, whenever i feel like it, whenever it feels right.

i am so ready for tomorrow, because i get to see her, and try so hard to make it last as long as possible.
i am so ready for tomorrow, because it will be amazing.
i am so ready for tomorrow, because it gets me closer to next year,
and next year just gets me closer to forever, in her arms.

after writing this and reading it again, it just seems like rambling to me, but it truely felt great to just get all of this out of my head and onto a site where people actually care to read. if this makes no sense to you, i am completely sorry. it's just what i'm feeling at the moment, and i wanted to write about it.
maybe someone will read and comment,
Posted on November 21st, 2008 at 01:29am

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