I'm Done.

It seems like forever ago that I was sitting here, happy, ready to take on the world with my head held fucking high. Now I just don't know anymore.

What is there for me? What the fuck was I put on this earth for? What am i supposed to do?

It's times like these, when I'm feeling so low I don't care if I live or die, that I think I'm only here to be the emotional punching bag of those around me. "Hey, where's Skylar? I lost my golf game." "Hey, where's Skylar? The kid's acting up again." "Hey, where's Skylar? I didn't get the promotion." You get the idea. Well, I'm done with that.

Then my family insists on telling me how fucked up i really am, over adn over and over again. They even do it when they don't know they're doing it. They never believe in me, and they never treat me like and actual human being. I'm done with that.

All my life, all I ever wanted was for my daddy to love me, to respect me, to accept me. For years and years I tried to make myself what he wanted me to be. To make myself the perfect little girl, and to be the perfect kid. I listened to his music, watched his shows, liked the things he liked, hated what he hated, believed what he believed, acted how he acted. But it was never enough. Now I'm really me -- I'm finally who I want to be, who I really am, and he hates it even more. All my life I've tried to impress him, and now I'm done.

The kids at school have never liked me. When I was little, I tried and tried for their acceptance too. I wore what they wore, liked what they liked, said what they said, did what they did, etc. But they still hated me. I was never good enough to anyone. Well, I'm done.

I always wanted everyone to like me, and I was a thousand different people at once. Around my dad I was "Daddy's Skylar" and around my mom I was "Mommy's Skylar" and around my peers I was "Just Like Everyone Else Skylar". You get the picture. There were so many different me's, and I just couldn't keep up. They blurred together, and I became the kid who tries way too hard. I gave up, accepting my fate as a ghost among the ruins. (Quote from Umbrella Academy)

For years following that I was that bluured shell of my former self, which eventually blurred together with another personality: My future self.

In 5th grade I started to find myself. I started to stop taking everyone's shit, and they didn't like that. In 6th grade, I became something. I don't really know what, but you could see it happening. I was changing, and nobody could stop me. In 7th grade my favorite band was Green Day and it became more pronounced, who I was. I started finally living, being who I was meant to be. me and my friends started a band, and it was good. Now it's 8th grade, and I've got a style all my own that I'm damn proud of.

My friend SUPERNINJA said that I had unknowingly started my own subculture. She said it was 50% punk, 2% goth, 3% emo. 42% psycho, and 3% random undefined demented fucked up bullshit. And I like that.

I'm done trying. I'm sticking with that. I'm sticking with my band, I'm being myself, and I'm done taking peoples' shit. I almost let them win today, with a pair of scissors in my hands. I called my friend to say goodbye, to tell her I've always loved her like a brother, and she talked me out of it like always. So I've got her to thank for everything. Thanksgiving was yesterday, and when someone asked what I was thankful for, Flynn was the first thing to pop into my head. Before Green Day or My Chemical Romance even.

So I'm done. I'm just being me and I'm damn proud of it. I'm taking years of trying, and shoving them in the bottom of my closet under all the skeletons to be dealt with another day.