Life after high school
I know this is such a stereotypical topic, but it's just been something that's on my mind a lot lately.
I don't know why, but everyone keeps asking me, 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' My doctor, my mother, my father, my brother, the Chinese next door neighbor; the list is truly endless. What bothers me more, is that these people won't take, 'I don't know' for an answer. My doctor told me that I'll most likely become a gas station worker if I don't choose the occupation of 'doctor' soon.
It finally hit me that I can't really joke about this anymore. 'Ice Cream Tester' isn't a valid job, it never will be. I'm not stupid, I got a 2250 on my SAT's and I have a high GPA, but it really just occurred to me that I have no hobbies. I'm fairly certain your job is based off a hobby. I really don't want to be one of those people that hate their job, and curse every day they spent in college studying to be this stupid thing that they really never wanted to be, but rather those around them willed them into it.
I begin to wonder what's worse; Hating your job that pays a lot, or having a terrible job that you love but leaves you penniless. Regardless, I have no hobbies, so I don't love anything, but I do understand what I hate. However, add to the equation what I think I stated earlier, 'I don't want to be one of those people who hate their job', or something along those lines. What does that leave me with? Here, for the rest of you that really can't subtract 1 from another, I'll give you the answer; Nothing. That leaves me with absolutely nothing, a meaningless life. That scares me. No, it's not that retarded fear that the rest of you claim to have, this is real fear. This is the kind of fear that plagues you during the day, and during the night. No matter what you do, you can't rid yourself of it. Even is you come up with a fake answer to the question, 'What do you want to be when you grow up?', it's not enough to liberate yourself of this fear. Even if you are to go through with that fake answer, and become that stupid thing, the regret makes this fear even stronger. I am weighed down by this constant fear, and it truly scares me. No matter how much I try not to think about it, it almost always manages to fill my mind.
This is why my days have become more and more grim. Not just because I am irritated by what I am, and the position I currently find myself in, but the thought of the future overwhelms me.
It is the uncertainty I cannot bear.
I don't know why, but everyone keeps asking me, 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' My doctor, my mother, my father, my brother, the Chinese next door neighbor; the list is truly endless. What bothers me more, is that these people won't take, 'I don't know' for an answer. My doctor told me that I'll most likely become a gas station worker if I don't choose the occupation of 'doctor' soon.
It finally hit me that I can't really joke about this anymore. 'Ice Cream Tester' isn't a valid job, it never will be. I'm not stupid, I got a 2250 on my SAT's and I have a high GPA, but it really just occurred to me that I have no hobbies. I'm fairly certain your job is based off a hobby. I really don't want to be one of those people that hate their job, and curse every day they spent in college studying to be this stupid thing that they really never wanted to be, but rather those around them willed them into it.
I begin to wonder what's worse; Hating your job that pays a lot, or having a terrible job that you love but leaves you penniless. Regardless, I have no hobbies, so I don't love anything, but I do understand what I hate. However, add to the equation what I think I stated earlier, 'I don't want to be one of those people who hate their job', or something along those lines. What does that leave me with? Here, for the rest of you that really can't subtract 1 from another, I'll give you the answer; Nothing. That leaves me with absolutely nothing, a meaningless life. That scares me. No, it's not that retarded fear that the rest of you claim to have, this is real fear. This is the kind of fear that plagues you during the day, and during the night. No matter what you do, you can't rid yourself of it. Even is you come up with a fake answer to the question, 'What do you want to be when you grow up?', it's not enough to liberate yourself of this fear. Even if you are to go through with that fake answer, and become that stupid thing, the regret makes this fear even stronger. I am weighed down by this constant fear, and it truly scares me. No matter how much I try not to think about it, it almost always manages to fill my mind.
This is why my days have become more and more grim. Not just because I am irritated by what I am, and the position I currently find myself in, but the thought of the future overwhelms me.
It is the uncertainty I cannot bear.
Wow. I feel the same exact way. Seriously, I have no idea what I'm going to do after high school. I really want to know what and who I want to be before I go to college. I have good grades, and I'm not stupid, so I'm thinking I'd do okay, only if I knew what I was good at. Like you, I don't have any hobbies. I'm afraid I'm going to grow older, not being happy with the life I'm living, and I need to figure out soon what I'm good at and who I'm going to be. Honestly, this message scares me, and it makes me think more about the situation. I sometimes lie awake at night, thinking about what I could do to make my desicion, but my conclusion is nothing.
My oldest brother knew exactly what he was going to do after he graduated high school, down to the college he was going to go to and for how long he was going to attend that school. And now, he's in that college he wanted to go to, and he's being exactly what he wanted to be, and he's very, very successful too.
racshmaiwionaise., March 4th, 2007 at 04:08:57pm
Don't worry, you're not alone. Most people in high school don't know what they want to be (including me, I'm still replying 'rock star' when people ask me) and don't stress out and set your mind on something you don't want to (but judging by this you won't) so just view your options, think about what you like to do and ignore people who tell you to hurry up.
Fashion Zombies!, March 4th, 2007 at 02:19:52am
thats exactly what im thinking right now. we had scheduling yesterday, and i was kinda flipping out. everyone's going on about well that class brings down your GPA, and that one doesnt look good for college...blah, blah blah. i still have no clue, and im still flipping out.
damn*skippy, March 3rd, 2007 at 11:32:47am
I was the same way in high school. I still don't know if what I'm doing now is the right thing or not. I love writing but the money isn't there. But I'm determined to stick to it and I always have a back-up plan for emergencies. I would love to go to college, though. I'm sure you will figure it out. Good luck.
whyamIstillhere?, March 3rd, 2007 at 07:31:28am
You're 16. You still have time to figure everything out. Don't mind those dumbasses. I didn't know what I wanted to be when I was a senior in High School.
After I graduated and came here to Purdue, I was all like, "Yeah... I'm going into Environmental Science Admistration"
Turns out I was wrong. I then decided to go into Communication with a concentration on Advertising and PR.
Not for me, either.
Guess what my major is now...
English Education.
I went from Environmental Science to English.
I'm sure you have hobbies. Just find something you like to do and do it. I love reading. I love writing. I love helping people. Teaching is awesome for me.
Just when you find something, don't let it automatically dishearten you when you realize that classes may suck. There's been plenty of time I've just wanted to drop out of that major due to some of the things in my classes.
Good luck.
wait_what, March 3rd, 2007 at 02:54:21am