It's A Fucking Deathwish
Today sucked. It really did.
It was second period, and I had to present a project with my table. I didn't want to do it, but I was pressured into it, and I had to overcome my stagefright somehow.
My group didn't even do any of the work. I made the poster, wrote down the information and interpretation, and took time out of my personal life to put the lyrics to a Revolutionary War song about tea to the tune of It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Fucking Deathwish by My Chemical Romance, and learn it, all in one night. I did it with no help from anyone, and they took all the credit. I'm not letting them get away with that, but that's not the point.
The point is, I had to sing this in front of the class. All by myself. I had no speakers to plug my iPod into, no CD to put in the radio, no nothing. The speakers I did have didn't work. So I put the earphones in and sang my black little heart out.
The problem was, this song sounds bad without the music if you've never heard it before, and my group, after making me do all of the work, laughed at me.
They got in trouble, but I still cried my eyes out for two or three periods over this.
Why did I cry? Why should I care what these tone deaf idiots think? Why should I listen to someone who has no knowledge of anything that has to do with music? Why should I let this get to me at all?
I'll tell you why.
My self-esteem is at an all-time low. It was really low before all this, but every little remark someone makes, no matter how hard I try not to, I take it to heart.
Singing is my passion. I can't play an instrument, I can't play sports, I can't dance, I'm not too good at academics. One of the only things I take pride in is my artistic abilities. In fact, that's the only thing I can stand about myself. My ability to sing, write, and draw. And when people like that tell me that i can't sing, or that I suck, or laugh at me, or make fun of me to my face, or cover their ears in an attempt to piss me off, or whatever, it just lowers my self-esteem even more.
Good things happened today, too. Hannah and Josh and Carter got in trouble for making fun of me, people complimented my singing and my abilty to do that and my guts and said that they'd never have had the courage to go up there and do what I just did, and my science poster was so good it got laminated and hung up on the wall outside the classroom. Plus, in Spelling Bee, I did pretty damn good. I only missed 3 of the basic Italian words, which were the words I'd never seen or heard before.
But I can't help but dwell on the bad events that transpired today.
Oh well. I'm taking her to the counselor so I can cuss her out in a friendly safe environment. I was invited by the counselor herself.
Then after that I can forget all about it.
But I can't help but wonder: If someone with no musical talent or knowledge of anything musical that sings like a tone-deaf walrus/moose/bear/pig/whale on steroids mated with a gorilla and their child who got voice lessons from the JoHoes (no offense to those who like htem) was screeching into a microphone with bad quality of sound tells you that you're no good at your job, which you've been doing for upwards around eleven-odd years now, should you take it as a compliment, an insult, or an excuse to punch them in the face?
It was second period, and I had to present a project with my table. I didn't want to do it, but I was pressured into it, and I had to overcome my stagefright somehow.
My group didn't even do any of the work. I made the poster, wrote down the information and interpretation, and took time out of my personal life to put the lyrics to a Revolutionary War song about tea to the tune of It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's A Fucking Deathwish by My Chemical Romance, and learn it, all in one night. I did it with no help from anyone, and they took all the credit. I'm not letting them get away with that, but that's not the point.
The point is, I had to sing this in front of the class. All by myself. I had no speakers to plug my iPod into, no CD to put in the radio, no nothing. The speakers I did have didn't work. So I put the earphones in and sang my black little heart out.
The problem was, this song sounds bad without the music if you've never heard it before, and my group, after making me do all of the work, laughed at me.
They got in trouble, but I still cried my eyes out for two or three periods over this.
Why did I cry? Why should I care what these tone deaf idiots think? Why should I listen to someone who has no knowledge of anything that has to do with music? Why should I let this get to me at all?
I'll tell you why.
My self-esteem is at an all-time low. It was really low before all this, but every little remark someone makes, no matter how hard I try not to, I take it to heart.
Singing is my passion. I can't play an instrument, I can't play sports, I can't dance, I'm not too good at academics. One of the only things I take pride in is my artistic abilities. In fact, that's the only thing I can stand about myself. My ability to sing, write, and draw. And when people like that tell me that i can't sing, or that I suck, or laugh at me, or make fun of me to my face, or cover their ears in an attempt to piss me off, or whatever, it just lowers my self-esteem even more.
Good things happened today, too. Hannah and Josh and Carter got in trouble for making fun of me, people complimented my singing and my abilty to do that and my guts and said that they'd never have had the courage to go up there and do what I just did, and my science poster was so good it got laminated and hung up on the wall outside the classroom. Plus, in Spelling Bee, I did pretty damn good. I only missed 3 of the basic Italian words, which were the words I'd never seen or heard before.
But I can't help but dwell on the bad events that transpired today.
Oh well. I'm taking her to the counselor so I can cuss her out in a friendly safe environment. I was invited by the counselor herself.
Then after that I can forget all about it.
But I can't help but wonder: If someone with no musical talent or knowledge of anything musical that sings like a tone-deaf walrus/moose/bear/pig/whale on steroids mated with a gorilla and their child who got voice lessons from the JoHoes (no offense to those who like htem) was screeching into a microphone with bad quality of sound tells you that you're no good at your job, which you've been doing for upwards around eleven-odd years now, should you take it as a compliment, an insult, or an excuse to punch them in the face?
You should kill 'em. Thats what I wouldve done :).....Don't you hate when you have to do ALL the work, and yet other people pretend they did it? It's funny when people are copying off your sheet and they copy word by word and the teachers all hmmmmm I wonder if someone cheeeeated.... Anyway, Im sure you have a fantastic voice, you should upload videos on YouTube! Just try to ignore all the idiots on Earth (just try) and live your life to it's fullest. You shouldnt have low self esteem, it affects you image, which makes you paranoid, which makes you notice all of your imperfections. Anyway, I gotta stop writing lol, follow my advice....NOW!
GreenDayIdiotGirl, December 11th, 2008 at 06:16:12pm
Punch them in the face!
fruit_baskets, December 11th, 2008 at 01:20:04pm
Your pretty awesome to have the guts to sing in front of people. Don't take any notice of those people who laugh at you. They're just sad losers (:.
lisbeth, December 10th, 2008 at 03:25:25pm
D: D: D: That's why I can't do things like sing in front of people. The world is horrible and I hate it >>
icegirl., December 10th, 2008 at 02:56:30pm
wow, what a stupid f*cking a$s, really. i think you're brave that you did that ;) i bet you did a great job! i think that if those suckers were standing there, they really would have sucked at it.
<33
GREENDAYxMCR, December 10th, 2008 at 09:37:28am